From 4c5a4f58c8d38ff54485536899fba17ed5245533 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: Daniel Mundra <daniel.mundra@civicactions.com>
Date: Fri, 8 Nov 2024 15:00:49 -0800
Subject: [PATCH 1/4] Added difficult conversation and withholds pages.

---
 .config/mkdocs.yml                            |  2 +
 .../difficult-conversation.md                 | 78 +++++++++++++++++++
 common-practices-tools/withholds.md           |  3 +
 3 files changed, 83 insertions(+)
 create mode 100644 common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
 create mode 100644 common-practices-tools/withholds.md

diff --git a/.config/mkdocs.yml b/.config/mkdocs.yml
index 328de39b12..bc47fb015b 100644
--- a/.config/mkdocs.yml
+++ b/.config/mkdocs.yml
@@ -74,6 +74,7 @@ nav:
       - common-practices-tools/balance-scores.md
       - common-practices-tools/best-practices-for-managers-and-team-members.md
       - common-practices-tools/contribution/contrib-first.md
+      - common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
       - CivicActions style guide: "https://civicactions-style-guide.readthedocs.io/en/latest/introduction/brand-overview/"
       - Security awareness and tools:
           - common-practices-tools/security/README.md
@@ -103,6 +104,7 @@ nav:
           - common-practices-tools/software-and-support/slack.md
           - common-practices-tools/software-and-support/zoom.md
       - common-practices-tools/telephone.md
+      - common-practices-tools/withholds.md
   - Practice areas:
       - practice-areas/README.md
       - Accessibility:
diff --git a/common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md b/common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..2273c5a36d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
@@ -0,0 +1,78 @@
+---
+title: The difficult 1-1 conversation
+---
+
+You are here because you want to have a difficult 1-1 conversation with a team member.
+
+## Why have the conversation?
+
+This conversation is important but may feel difficult for many valid reasons—you might be avoiding it, you are building up resentments, past attempts haven't worked, or you're concerned about your relationship. Despite these challenges, having the conversation can help you connect with the team member, share your perspective, hear theirs, discuss the impact, and work toward a resolution.
+
+## Prepare
+
+To prepare for the conversation, start by asking for permission to have it and confirming that the time and place work for the team member. Try to have the conversation over a video call then over text or voice only as it will make it easier to connect with the team member.
+
+Here's an example of what a request for permission might be:
+
+> "Hello <team member name>, may I discuss with you <summary of the event/incident>? I would like to discuss some concerns, clarify them, find out your perspective, and identify ways to improve. Could we do that on <time>?"
+
+Before starting the conversation, be ready to listen. Reflect on what's affecting you, the assumptions you're making, your fears, and your motivations. Reflect on whether your opinions may be biased (refer to the recent training [Unconscious Bias and Interviewing Training](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1dYc_qRBmMJ4zlxzezwDJKn7Ia0Mkcwd2ADtJerZbCz4/edit#slide=id.gde6e9fa718_0_3)). Turn these reflections into questions that show curiosity and avoid making statements that may shut down discussion. Review the conversation tips below and incorporate those into your preparation.
+
+If possible, practice the conversation with a peer, your manager, or someone from PeopleOps.
+
+## The conversation
+
+Start by sharing your perspective and explaining how the situation is affecting you. Then ask any initial questions you have and listen to the other team member's perspective.
+
+After that, respond to their questions and discuss possible resolutions together. If there are differences of opinion about facts, work on a joint path to get to the truth of the matter.
+
+Finally, aim to reach a shared understanding and plan of action and wrap up the conversation, making sure to thank the person for working with you on this issue.
+
+Use the following tips to help navigate the discussion:
+
+-   **Present your side with curiosity by:**
+    -   Actively asking for the other team member's perspective and
+    -   Listening intently
+    -   Providing feedback that indicates that you've heard what the other person has said
+-   **Create and maintain a safe space by:**
+    -   Apologizing when you are wrong,
+    -   Repeating back what you've heard to confirm accuracy,
+    -   Acknowledging when you have learned something new, and
+    -   Stating your appreciation when they share.
+-   **Avoid sarcasm, judgment, comparisons, and blame by:**
+    -   Recognizing your own emotions and
+    -   Sharing your perceptions of the emotions you are seeing from the team member.
+-   **Learn about them by:**
+    -   Asking and learning about the team member's background and cultural differences.
+-   **Consider their perspective by:**
+    -   Being aware that the team member may have experienced similar conversations in past workplaces that were upsetting or even traumatizing.
+-   **Brainstorm solutions together by:**
+    -   Asking for ideas on how to improve or change the situation's impact.
+-   **Keep an open mind by:**
+    -   Trying new ideas and trust that the team member will do the same.
+    -   Committing to take the time needed to follow through.
+
+## What's next
+
+Before ending the conversation, create a plan that outlines the next steps and sets a time for follow-up. This plan should address whether further discussion is needed, what actions were taken, whether those actions were successful, and who will handle the follow-up.
+
+These conversations often require more than one discussion. It is important to check in later to ensure that concerns are being addressed or determine if the relationship needs more attention.
+
+-   Repeat the action items that will be addressed
+-   Figure out a time when you can follow up on any action items
+-   Review the action items with the person at a later date and acknowledge any progress
+
+## Additional considerations
+
+If you both think it would be helpful, consider inviting a neutral third party to mediate. This can include someone from PeopleOps, a manager, or a trusted colleague who is comfortable facilitating the discussion.
+
+Review the [Withholds Exercise / Process](withholds.md) and see if you would prefer that approach and follow that process instead of the approach above. Note that is very different from the above approaches.
+
+For giving and receiving feedback review [conflict resolution and growth mindset](../practice-areas/project-management/growth-mindset.md).
+
+## Other readings & resources
+
+-   [Difficult conversation tools and skills](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VXXqLRLNdjRFFKjBHEtt7CJyrUgnS5pR1fvM1a2F3Hc/edit?tab=t.0) discussion in 2022 virtual summit.
+-   Project team working agreements.
+-   Skills coach in Culture Amp.
+-   Training related to conversations and feedback. Ask peopleOps about any options.
diff --git a/common-practices-tools/withholds.md b/common-practices-tools/withholds.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..5b99492094
--- /dev/null
+++ b/common-practices-tools/withholds.md
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+---
+title: Withholds Exercise / Process
+---

From 3ab29a9f81858f9651601ff966346b05d3a9bd98 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: Daniel Mundra <daniel.mundra@civicactions.com>
Date: Fri, 8 Nov 2024 15:10:36 -0800
Subject: [PATCH 2/4] Updated withholds page.

---
 common-practices-tools/withholds.md | 20 ++++++++++++++++++++
 1 file changed, 20 insertions(+)

diff --git a/common-practices-tools/withholds.md b/common-practices-tools/withholds.md
index 5b99492094..49643c8431 100644
--- a/common-practices-tools/withholds.md
+++ b/common-practices-tools/withholds.md
@@ -1,3 +1,23 @@
 ---
 title: Withholds Exercise / Process
 ---
+
+The point of using this withhold process is to strengthen relationships by unblocking stuck energy between people. The stuck energy, a withhold, is the result of things that have gone unsaid (that have meaning and importance). Releasing this energy helps to maintain clean energy in relationships.
+
+## The Process
+
+1.  The person who wants to share a withhold (the speaker) says to the other person (the listener), "I have a withhold", then asks, "Would you like to hear it?".
+2.  In response, the listener can respond with either "Yes" or "No":
+    1.  A **YES** response signifies that the listener believes he/she/they is able to provide an open space for listening and to allow the speaker to fully release the stuck energy between them in sharing the withhold.
+    2.  A **NO** response signifies that the listener isn't ready, isn't in the right space or doesn't have the proper time available to be able to receive the withhold.
+3.  If the listener responds with a YES, the speaker then shares his/her/they withhold according to the following process:
+    1.  Cite a **specific** example (no generalities, no always, no never) that sparked the withhold.
+    2.  **State the facts** of the interaction being cited (facts are undisputed things that actually occurred that are mutually observed and agreed upon).
+    3.  Once the facts have been established, the speaker then **shares the meaning that he/she/they applied to the interaction** and also how the interaction made him/her/they feel.
+        1.  As much as possible, the speaker should seek to take responsibility for his/her/their own experience and not put any blame on the listener by assuming negative intent.
+4.  The listener's responsibility during the withhold share is to really listen to the experience the speaker is sharing and attempt to understand it from the speaker's experience (what would it be like to be him/her/them?) without getting defensive. Remember, your job is to create the space for a release.
+5.  When the speaker finishes, the listener takes a moment to reflect back to the speaker what he/she/they heard, including what happened, how it made the speaker feel and the meaning that the speaker applied to it. The listener can also reflect back to the speaker his/her/their understanding of what it must have been like for the speaker and convey that it makes sense (this does not constitute agreement).
+6.  If the speaker feels that the listener didn't quite get what he/she/they was saying or feels that something additional needs to be added, the speaker can go over the situation again.
+7.  Once the speaker believes that the listener understands and feels ready to release the energy, the speaker says, "thank you for listening" and the listener responds with, "thank you for sharing".
+
+While this process can sometimes get a bit intense and it can bring up deep feelings, it is important to stay as present to what is happening as possible. Sometimes sharing of withholds can generate a need to share more withholds. It is okay to share a few to make sure the energy gets released although sometimes having a break between can help add time to process.

From bc8e33811fbb9164649f14239876dc76dd9f7c10 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: Daniel Mundra <daniel.mundra@civicactions.com>
Date: Fri, 8 Nov 2024 15:13:34 -0800
Subject: [PATCH 3/4] Removed trello link.

---
 practice-areas/project-management/pm-training.md | 1 -
 1 file changed, 1 deletion(-)

diff --git a/practice-areas/project-management/pm-training.md b/practice-areas/project-management/pm-training.md
index 4bb964dfbc..c3fed1cb04 100644
--- a/practice-areas/project-management/pm-training.md
+++ b/practice-areas/project-management/pm-training.md
@@ -97,7 +97,6 @@ Accurately estimating is one of the most difficult things to do. Developers shou
 
 -   [Unanet](https://civicactions.unanet.biz)
 -   [Jira](../../common-practices-tools/software-and-support/jira.md)
--   [Trello](../../common-practices-tools/software-and-support/trello.md)
 -   [GitHub](../../common-practices-tools/software-and-support/github.md)
 -   Burndown charts
 -   [Google Docs/Folders](../../common-practices-tools/software-and-support/google-docs.md)

From 075a789d09f18b90f39f66ed63b0f683a003ade9 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: Daniel Mundra <daniel.mundra@civicactions.com>
Date: Fri, 8 Nov 2024 15:27:05 -0800
Subject: [PATCH 4/4] Cleaning up menu and pages.

---
 .config/mkdocs.yml                               | 2 +-
 common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md | 2 +-
 2 files changed, 2 insertions(+), 2 deletions(-)

diff --git a/.config/mkdocs.yml b/.config/mkdocs.yml
index bc47fb015b..ef11fb064e 100644
--- a/.config/mkdocs.yml
+++ b/.config/mkdocs.yml
@@ -74,7 +74,6 @@ nav:
       - common-practices-tools/balance-scores.md
       - common-practices-tools/best-practices-for-managers-and-team-members.md
       - common-practices-tools/contribution/contrib-first.md
-      - common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
       - CivicActions style guide: "https://civicactions-style-guide.readthedocs.io/en/latest/introduction/brand-overview/"
       - Security awareness and tools:
           - common-practices-tools/security/README.md
@@ -104,6 +103,7 @@ nav:
           - common-practices-tools/software-and-support/slack.md
           - common-practices-tools/software-and-support/zoom.md
       - common-practices-tools/telephone.md
+      - common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
       - common-practices-tools/withholds.md
   - Practice areas:
       - practice-areas/README.md
diff --git a/common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md b/common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
index 2273c5a36d..47b424a8fe 100644
--- a/common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
+++ b/common-practices-tools/difficult-conversation.md
@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ To prepare for the conversation, start by asking for permission to have it and c
 
 Here's an example of what a request for permission might be:
 
-> "Hello <team member name>, may I discuss with you <summary of the event/incident>? I would like to discuss some concerns, clarify them, find out your perspective, and identify ways to improve. Could we do that on <time>?"
+> "Hello &lt;team member name&gt;, may I discuss with you &lt;summary of the event/incident&gt;? I would like to discuss some concerns, clarify them, find out your perspective, and identify ways to improve. Could we do that on &lt;time&gt;?"
 
 Before starting the conversation, be ready to listen. Reflect on what's affecting you, the assumptions you're making, your fears, and your motivations. Reflect on whether your opinions may be biased (refer to the recent training [Unconscious Bias and Interviewing Training](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1dYc_qRBmMJ4zlxzezwDJKn7Ia0Mkcwd2ADtJerZbCz4/edit#slide=id.gde6e9fa718_0_3)). Turn these reflections into questions that show curiosity and avoid making statements that may shut down discussion. Review the conversation tips below and incorporate those into your preparation.