After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Selignman found the three P's can stunt recovery.
1 Personlization - the belief that we are at fault.
2 Pervasiveness- the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life.
3 Permanence- the belief that the aftershocks of the vent will last forever.
- Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity- and we can build it.
- We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events.
- People need to know they are not alone
- If your ankle gets shattered, people ask to hear the story. If your life gets shattered, they don't.
- We all make our own choices about when and where and if we want to express our feelings. Still there is powerful evidence that opening up about traumatic events can improve mental and physal health.
- I learned that at times, caring means that when someone is hurting, you cannot imagine being anywhere else.
- Grief doesn't share its schedule with anyone; we all grieve differently and in our own time.
- I just had to believe I could contribute a little bit and then a little bit more.
- I am more vulnerable than I thought, but I am much more stronger than I ever imagined.
- When they measured my stature, they failed to measure my heart.
- It's like you've been through a portal. You cannot go back. You're going to change. The only question is how.
- Those seeking a change wanted to use their precious time to contribute to something larger than themselves.
- After undergoing a hardship, people have new knowledge to offer those who go through similar experiences. It is a unique source of meaning because it doe not just give our lives purpose - it gives our suffering purpose.
- He changed me in profound ways by his presence. And he changed me in profound ways by his absence.
- Having fun is a form of self-compassion; just as we need to be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes, we also need to be kind to ourselves by enjoying life when we can.
- Rather than waiting until we're happy to enjoy the small things, we should go and do the small things that make us happy.
- Paying attention to moments of joy takes effort because we are wired to focus on the negatives more than the positives.
- Bad events tend to have stronger effect on us than good events.
- Knowing someone cares - even if it's a stranger- can offer a lifeline.
- Believe you can learn from failure and you become less defensive and more open.
- Believe you matter and you spend more time helping others, which helps you matter even more.
- Believe you have strengths and you start seeing opportunities ti use them.
- Believe you are a wizard who can cross space-time continuum and you have gone too far.
- Fast-double sorries: When two people hurt each others feelings, you both apologize quickly so that you forgive each other and yourselves.
- To maintain faith at all times, we had to become alchemists. Changing tragedy into miracle, depression into hope.
- Resilience is not just built in individuals. It is built among individuals- in our neighborhoods, schools, towns and governments.
- Collective resilience requires more than just shared hope- it is also fueled by shared experiences, shared narratives, and shared power.
- By helping people cope with difficult circumstances and then take action to alter those circumstances, collective resilience can foster real social change.
- We find our humanity- our will to live and our ability to love-in our connections with one another.
- majority of regrets were about failures to act, not actions that failed.
- Psychologists have found that over time we usually regret the chances we missed, not the chances we took.
- Tragedy does not have to be personal, pervasive or permanent, but resilience can be. We can build it and carry it with us throughout our lives.
- I am better for the years we spent together and for what he taught me- both in life and in death.