diff --git a/src/purchases/CartUtil.ts b/src/purchases/CartUtil.ts
index 8bfe88800..55a60623b 100644
--- a/src/purchases/CartUtil.ts
+++ b/src/purchases/CartUtil.ts
@@ -1,3 +1,4 @@
+import { loadScript, type PayPalNamespace } from '@paypal/paypal-js'
 import type { Product } from './CartTab'
 
 /** A map of all products in the cart. */
@@ -52,6 +53,17 @@ export const removeFromCart = (id: string) => {
   updateInCartCount()
 }
 
+export const clearCart = () => {
+  for (const [id, product] of cartMap.entries()) {
+    if (product.quantity > 0) {
+      product.quantity = 1 /* removeFromCart decrements quantity */
+      removeFromCart(id)
+    }
+  }
+
+  updateInCartCount()
+}
+
 /**
  * Returns the price of everything in the cart.
  */
@@ -82,3 +94,15 @@ export const getProductsInCart = () => {
 
   return temp
 }
+
+let paypal: PayPalNamespace
+
+export const loadPayPal = async () => {
+  paypal ??= (await loadScript({
+    clientId: 'AYaEpUZfchj2DRdTZJm0ukzxyXGQIHorqy3q1axPQ8RCpiRqkYqg23NiRRYtHptYBRBAyCTL28yEwtb9',
+    enableFunding: ['venmo'],
+    disableFunding: ['paylater', 'credit', 'card']
+  }))!
+
+  return paypal
+}
diff --git a/src/purchases/CheckoutTab.ts b/src/purchases/CheckoutTab.ts
index 924cffb37..3377fb4be 100644
--- a/src/purchases/CheckoutTab.ts
+++ b/src/purchases/CheckoutTab.ts
@@ -1,10 +1,10 @@
-import { loadScript } from '@paypal/paypal-js'
 import { prod } from '../Config'
 import { changeSubTab, Tabs } from '../Tabs'
 import { Alert, Notification } from '../UpdateHTML'
 import { memoize } from '../Utility'
 import { products, subscriptionProducts } from './CartTab'
-import { addToCart, getPrice, getProductsInCart, getQuantity, removeFromCart } from './CartUtil'
+import { addToCart, clearCart, getPrice, getProductsInCart, getQuantity, loadPayPal, removeFromCart } from './CartUtil'
+import { updatePseudoCoins } from './UpgradesSubtab'
 
 const tab = document.querySelector<HTMLElement>('#pseudoCoins > #cartContainer')!
 const form = tab.querySelector('div.cartList')!
@@ -163,11 +163,7 @@ const updateTotalPriceInCart = () => {
 
 async function initializePayPal () {
   try {
-    const paypal = await loadScript({
-      clientId: 'AYaEpUZfchj2DRdTZJm0ukzxyXGQIHorqy3q1axPQ8RCpiRqkYqg23NiRRYtHptYBRBAyCTL28yEwtb9',
-      enableFunding: ['venmo'],
-      disableFunding: ['paylater', 'credit', 'card']
-    })
+    const paypal = await loadPayPal()
 
     paypal?.Buttons?.({
       style: {
@@ -181,6 +177,10 @@ async function initializePayPal () {
         const fd = new FormData()
 
         for (const product of getProductsInCart()) {
+          if (product.quantity > 0 && product.subscription) {
+            throw new TypeError('skipping')
+          }
+
           fd.set(product.id, `${product.quantity}`)
         }
 
@@ -235,8 +235,14 @@ async function initializePayPal () {
               ?.authorizations?.[0]
 
           Notification(
-            `Transaction ${transaction.status}: ${transaction.id}. See console for all available details`
+            `Transaction ${transaction.status}: ${transaction.id}. Please give us a few minutes to process it.`
           )
+
+          clearCart()
+          updateItemList()
+          updateTotalPriceInCart()
+
+          exponentialPseudoCoinBalanceCheck()
         }
       },
 
@@ -247,3 +253,19 @@ async function initializePayPal () {
     }).render('#checkout-paypal')
   } catch {}
 }
+
+const sleep = (delay: number) => new Promise((r) => setTimeout(r, delay))
+
+async function exponentialPseudoCoinBalanceCheck () {
+  const delays = [0, 30_000, 60_000, 120_000, 180_000, 240_000, 300_000]
+  const lastCoinAmount = 0
+
+  for (const delay of delays) {
+    await sleep(delay)
+    const coins = await updatePseudoCoins()
+
+    if (lastCoinAmount !== coins) {
+      break
+    }
+  }
+}
diff --git a/src/purchases/UpgradesSubtab.ts b/src/purchases/UpgradesSubtab.ts
index d147a8968..f0cb8a326 100644
--- a/src/purchases/UpgradesSubtab.ts
+++ b/src/purchases/UpgradesSubtab.ts
@@ -125,12 +125,7 @@ async function purchaseUpgrade (upgrades: Map<number, UpgradesList>) {
 
     setActiveUpgrade(upgrade)
 
-    const response = await fetch('https://synergism.cc/stripe/coins')
-    const coins = await response.json() as CoinsResponse
-
-    tab!.querySelector('#pseudoCoinAmounts > #currentCoinBalance')!.innerHTML = `${
-      i18next.t('pseudoCoins.coinCount', { amount: Intl.NumberFormat().format(coins.coins) })
-    }`
+    await updatePseudoCoins()
 
     updatePCoinCache(upgrade.internalName, parsed.data.level)
   } else {
@@ -205,3 +200,14 @@ export const toggleUpgradeSubtab = () => {
 export const clearUpgradeSubtab = () => {
   tab.style.display = 'none'
 }
+
+export const updatePseudoCoins = async () => {
+  const response = await fetch('https://synergism.cc/stripe/coins')
+  const coins = await response.json() as CoinsResponse
+
+  tab!.querySelector('#pseudoCoinAmounts > #currentCoinBalance')!.innerHTML = `${
+    i18next.t('pseudoCoins.coinCount', { amount: Intl.NumberFormat().format(coins.coins) })
+  }`
+
+  return coins.coins
+}