Tom_Papa-x-Gabriel_Iglesias.txt

----Setup----
 And they said that this city would never be the same.
 I think it’s beautiful that, a year later, we’re all here celebrating together the fact that this city is resilient.
 And you guys persevered.
----Punchline----
 Houston’s strong, baby.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:80.49070986183897%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.55171057805741%
----Setup----
 That’s serious.
 In all sincerity, guys, I’m not trying to kiss your ass.
----Punchline----
 I already got your money.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:92.4130538351596%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.77585528902871%
----Setup----
 Freaking Houston.
 I love this town.
 I’ve been coming here for 20 years.
 Twenty years.
----Punchline----
 Started off performing at a comedy club called The Last Stop.


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:91.32920438303954%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:85.68619740464018%
----Setup----
 And then, of course, we jumped over to the Improv, and then– I performed everywhere.
----Punchline----
 I even did a one-nighter in Tomball.


Similarity Score:0.8333333333333334
Percent Error Setup:91.32920438303954%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:87.73102634683445%
----Setup----
 That’s a long story for the people at home.
 I won’t even get into that.
 I want to give you guys a heads-up and let you know now that tonight I feel extra comfortable.
 You’re going to notice that you might hear a little bit more Spanish than you normally would.
----Punchline----
 And you can’t do that just anywhere, but you can do that in Houston.
----Tagline(s)----
 Now, to everyone watching at home who is freaking out, like, “Oh, my God! I didn’t sign up for this.”


Similarity Score:0.4772727272727273
Percent Error Setup:72.36183897093854%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:1985.4166666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:55.01376327172631%
----Setup----
 If I say something in Spanish, my promise is to translate immediately so that everyone enjoys the show.
 Okay? ‘Cause I know the second I said Spanish, people are freaking out, you know.
----Punchline----
 All the people that drove in from the woodlands are like, “Hey!”
----Tagline(s)----
 And for everyone at home, what does he mean by that, the people from the woodlands? You know.


Similarity Score:0.42424242424242425
Percent Error Setup:82.11648404001906%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:1795.8333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:66.26032245379473%
----Setup----
 [South Texas accent]
----Punchline----
 “I know he is not referring to us.”


Similarity Score:0.46153846153846156
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.35430593786866%
----Setup----
 “The nerve of him!”
----Punchline----
 “He needs to go back where he came from, over by Airline Road.”
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:97.29037636969986%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:89.77585528902871%
----Setup----
 That’s right.
----Punchline----
 I know where you keep your brown people.


Similarity Score:0.6666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:98.37422582181992%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.86551317341723%
----Setup----
 This is awesome.
 This always pisses off Netflix.
 They’re like, “Gabriel, we really wish you would just do a show that’s general, that everybody understands.
 Why do you have to make your show so personal? Only people in that city are going to get it.”
 Well, when you have an arena full of people, you want them to get it.
 You want that extra personal special touch.
 I don’t care what they say.
----Punchline----
 I already got the check.


Similarity Score:0.625
Percent Error Setup:59.89757027155789%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:59.10342115611482%
----Setup----
 Ha!So let me give you a heads-up as to what has happened since the last time I did a special.
 Um, my son, Frankie, is now 19 years old.
 Nineteen years old, high school graduate, he has all his shots… Ladies? People tell me all the time.
 “Why do you talk about your son so much?”
----Punchline----
 Because he won’t leave.


Similarity Score:0.45901639344262296
Percent Error Setup:69.6522153406384%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:68.81635863153755%
----Setup----
 “Does he like it when you talk about him?”
 I said, “No, he hates it.”
 “Why do you do it?”
----Punchline----
 “‘Cause he won’t leave.”


Similarity Score:0.38461538461538464
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:86.70861187573732%
----Setup----
 I’ll tell you what he likes to do right now.
 He likes to sit around the house and watch videos of other kids playing video games.
 See, some of you are clapping.
 I didn’t know that was an actual thing.
 I asked him, “What are you doing?”
 “I’m watching other kids playing video games.”
 I said, “That’s– Really? Why?”
 “Well, they’re professionals.”
 I’m like, “Why would you watch something that you could be doing?”
 “‘Cause they’re professionals.”
 “That’s dumb.”
 “Really, Dad? Every Sunday I see you watching football.
 [crowd ooh’s]
 How come you don’t play?”
 I don’t even argue.
----Punchline----
 I just cut off the Internet.


Similarity Score:0.24299065420560748
Percent Error Setup:45.80752739399714%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:45.30082579630358%
----Setup----
 My son’s problem right now is that he has, according to him, too many options.
 Okay? That’s his problem.
 I’m like, “Poor guy!”
 “I have so many options, Dad.
 I don’t know what to do.”
 Write them down.
 Put them on a wheel.
 Freaking– [mimics spinning wheel]
----Punchline----
 Today: plumber.


Similarity Score:0.5098039215686274
Percent Error Setup:73.98761314911863%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:73.92843098702319%
----Setup----
 Something! The problem is we go places, people find out he is my son and then they offer him opportunities.
 He doesn’t understand that that’s not how the real world works.
 I know about struggling and clawing, and fighting for the opportunity to do something.
 He doesn’t get it yet.
 And that’s my fault.
For example, I take him and his mom out to dinner, okay? I took them both to Red Lobster.
 Now, Houston.
 Me, personally, I love Red Lobster, okay? And not even for the seafood.
----Punchline----
 I’m talking about the biscuits.


Similarity Score:0.1978021978021978
Percent Error Setup:53.93639828489757%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:53.48014156508061%
----Setup----
 Oh, yeah.
 [vocalizes]
----Punchline----
 It’s real good.


Similarity Score:0.25
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.91034211561148%
----Setup----
 So we’re sitting there, and we’re having a conversation with our son about life, opportunity, what does he want to do with himself… And as we’re talking to him, the manager from Red Lobster walks over to our table.
 And he’s being really cool, right? He’s like, “Hey!”
 And I’m like, “Hey!”
 He looks at my son, “Is this the infamous Frankie?”
 And I say, “Why, yes, it is! He just graduated.”
 “Congratulations!”
 “And he’s looking for a job.”
 The manager goes, “Oh, say no more.”
 And he gives my son a business card and then he starts to say, “Listen, Frankie, this is all you have to do.
 Just go online and fill out the application.
 Once it’s registered, call me personally and I’ll see to it that you get an interview.
 The only position we have available right now is for a host, but there’s plenty of room for opportunity here at Red Lobster.
 Besides, you got one hell of a reference.”
 And then he walked away and I was like, “Oh, my God.
----Punchline----
 I’m going to get free biscuits!”


Similarity Score:0.287292817679558
Percent Error Setup:5.705097665555025%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:7.471490365709791%
----Setup----
 My son looks at me and says, “I don’t want to work at Red Lobster.”
 I said, “Frankie, no one is making you work anywhere.
 This is just another opportunity that you’re wasting.
 Okay.
 No Red Lobster.
 What’s your plan?”
 “I don’t know.”
 I got frustrated.
 So I raised my voice.
 “Well, you better start thinking.”
 His mom didn’t like that.
----Punchline----
 “Don’t talk to him like that.”


Similarity Score:0.7246376811594203
Percent Error Setup:66.40066698427822%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:64.72670074714904%
----Setup----
 See, up to this point we have agreed on how we raise our son.
 But in this situation, she’s trying to protect him from the world.
 I’m trying to prepare him for the world.
 If he cannot handle me raising my voice to get his attention to see the bigger picture, he’s not ready for a world that doesn’t care about his feelings.
 [crowd whooping, applauding]
So I said, “You know what? I got to have a one-on-one with him.
 I got to have a one-on-one with, uh–” [evil laugh]
 So I take him out to the movies.
 I take him out to the movies, we get in the car, we take off.
 [mimics car engine]
 A little 20-minute drive, okay? As we’re driving I figure I’ll have a little one-on-one with him.
 Maybe this way it doesn’t feel like a talk talk.
 I thought he understood what I was trying to say.
 It’s late.
 We’re leaving the movies.
 We’re pulling out of the parking structure and out of the corner of my eye, I see a cop car.
 And I made a sound, I was like, “Ugh!”
 And Frankie goes, “What is it, Dad?”
 I say, “There’s a cop at the light.”
 “What are you worried about?”
 “He’s going to stop us.”
 “How do you know?”
----Punchline----
 “Watch.”


Similarity Score:0.34101382488479265
Percent Error Setup:16.513816102906148%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:10.931970114038538%
----Setup----
 I made that left turn… 
[mimics engine and siren chirping]
 Frankie’s losing it.
 “It’s happening!”
 I said, “Relax.”
 I pull over.
 [mimics tires screeching]
 Cop pulls up from behind.
 [mimics tires screeching]
 Immediately.
 [knock-knock]
 “Driver, windows down.”
 [groans]
 [mimics window whirring down]
----Punchline----
 “Driver, hands out the window.”


Similarity Score:0.24489795918367346
Percent Error Setup:76.69723677941877%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:74.95084545812033%
----Setup----
 “Both of them.”
----Punchline----
 “I can’t, I’m fat!”


Similarity Score:0.6666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.39913488006292%
----Setup----
 He gets to the window, and he’s got the flashlight.
 And he shines the light right in my face.
 He’s like, “License.”
 “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
 Here.”
 He takes the license and then, of course, you know, “Do you know why I stopped you?”
 “Officer, no, I don’t, but I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
 “You don’t have a front plate on your car.”
 I said, “Officer, you’re absolutely right.
 I do not have a front plate on my car, but my name is actually on the front of the car.”
 “Excuse me?”
 “My name is on the front of the car.”
 I own a 2012 Ford Flex and the Ford Flex has the actual word “flex” written on the hood.
 I have a friend who does custom automotive work and he took all the letters off the car except for the letter F, and he made letters so that it spells “Fluffy” on the hood.
 Okay? Yeah.
 -It sounds impressive.
 -[crowd whooping]
 You can do it too for like $23.
 It’s not that bad.
 They’re like refrigerator magnets.
 You can even move them.
----Punchline----
 Like, one day a letter flew off and it said “Fuffy”.


Similarity Score:0.24615384615384617
Percent Error Setup:0.827775131014768%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:0.31458906802988484%
----Setup----
 Que pendejo.
 I know, stupid, right? So… The officer walks around to the front of the car and he takes his flashlight and he shines the light right on the hood, and he does this, he goes, “I knew it!”
 And my son goes, “What does that mean?”
 I said, “That means we get to go.”
 Oh, Houston, for the first time in a long time, my son was actually impressed by something that I did.
 You got to figure.
 This is not impressive to my son.
----Punchline----
 Because he grew up in this environment.
----Tagline(s)----
 People upstairs from Tomball, “Keep talking.”


Similarity Score:0.4230769230769231
Percent Error Setup:52.31062410671748%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:46.834447502949274%
----Setup----
 Alright, I’ll tell you guys what happened.
 Shakira performed here a few days ago.
 And Shakira has an amazing show, okay? She doesn’t just come out and… 
[ululates]
 [humming “Whenever, Wherever” by Shakira]
----Punchline----
 ♪ Together, together♪ [indistinct]
----Tagline(s)----
 I think I just hurt myself.


Similarity Score:0.2127659574468085
Percent Error Setup:81.57455931395903%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:75.97325992921746%
----Setup----
 But there’s a part of her show, where all of a sudden it was… 
[puffing]
----Punchline----
 And there’s cannons with confetti that shoot everywhere, right? And I think that was left-over Shakira.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.4117647058823529
Percent Error Setup:91.32920438303954%
Percent Error Punchline:69.44140197152245%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:82.6189539913488%
----Setup----
 Oh, my God! So, where was I? Oh! This.
 Does nothing for my son.
 and the reason why I say that is because he grew up in this environment.
 He’s been to a thousand shows.
----Punchline----
 He’s seen me on TV a million times.


Similarity Score:0.4090909090909091
Percent Error Setup:81.032634587899%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:77.50688163586315%
----Setup----
 Yeah, Frankie was like, “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!”
 And I’m like, “Hell, yeah, cos’.
 That’s right.
----Punchline----
 You better recognize, player.”


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:89.16150547879943%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:87.21981911128587%
----Setup----
 [mimics engine turning over]
 We get home, he woke up his mom! “Mom, you should’ve seen it! We got stopped by the cops!”
 “Are you okay?”
 “Yeah! They recognized Dad and they let us go.”
 She stayed quiet and I told her, “Huh? I got recognized!”
----Punchline----
 And she said, “Ah!”


Similarity Score:0.2692307692307692
Percent Error Setup:74.52953787517865%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:73.41722375147464%
----Setup----
So my son, what he likes to do now, like I said, Frankie likes to stay home and watch videos.
 I come downstairs one morning and he’s on his phone, but the chair that he’s sitting in is turned, facing the window, which I thought was weird.
 So I called to him, “Frankie, what are you doing?”
 Nothing.
 So he can’t hear– “Frankie!”
 He can’t hear.
 So I walked up from behind, and I realized that my son has little headphones.
 That’s– Oh, okay, okay.
 Yeah, he’s not ignoring me.
 So I look over his shoulder, and I realize that my son is watching a film.
 [crowd ooh’s]
----Punchline----
 And I don’t mean Frozen.
----Tagline(s)----
 But those people look cold.


Similarity Score:0.21487603305785125
Percent Error Setup:41.47212958551692%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:563.5416666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:38.14392449862367%
----Setup----
 So now I’m standing there watching it with him.
 I’m not trying to bond or anything.
----Punchline----
 I’m just trying to figure out the conversation I need to have and now we’re both watching professionals.


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:90.7872796569795%
Percent Error Punchline:89.37568455640745%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:81.59653952025168%
----Setup----
 So I grabbed his headphone and I went… “Hey, is that a good movie?”
 And he freaked out! [screams]
 And he threw the phone.
 The phone came partially undone and you could hear it.
 Oh, it was bad.
 “Not my face, not my face, not my face.”
 He turned bright red and he starts walking back over.
 “How embarrassing.
 How long have you been standing there?”
----Punchline----
 I said, “Long enough to know ‘not my face.


Similarity Score:0.2597402597402597
Percent Error Setup:63.69104335397808%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:60.63704286276052%
----Setup----
 “Are you going to tell my mom?”
 I said, “Frankie, I love you way too much to do that to you.
 I would never tell your mom.
----Punchline----
 I’mma tell everybody else.”
----Tagline(s)----
 Hey, don’t tell his mom.


Similarity Score:0.46153846153846156
Percent Error Setup:85.36803239637922%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:563.5416666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:80.06291781360598%
----Setup----
 I said, “Look, I know you’re not going to stop watching stuff like this.
 So just do me a favor.
 Don’t do this here.
 You’re old enough now to watch whatever you want to watch.
 But as long as you live in this house, you cannot be watching stuff like that where your mom can catch you.
 You’re not going to stop, so just don’t do it here.”
 “How do you know I’m not gonna stop?”
----Punchline----
 “‘Cause I haven’t stopped.
----Tagline(s)----
 Matter of fact, there’s a sequel to that.


Similarity Score:0.45652173913043476
Percent Error Setup:58.2717960933778%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:847.9166666666666%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:52.96893432953205%
----Setup----
 It’s called Not my hair.”
 He said to me, “Que cochino!”
 I know right? [panting]
 I said, “Frankie, you’re going to watch stuff like that, just go in your room.
 Lock your door.
 I don’t want to catch you.
 Okay, so let me know.”
 “Want me to text you?”
----Punchline----
 Never mind.


Similarity Score:1.0188679245283019
Percent Error Setup:72.90376369699857%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:72.90601651592607%
----Setup----
I’m in the middle of trying to deal with this whole situation with my son watching these videos and not going to work, and while I’m doing this, I get the most random phone call I’ve ever gotten.
 My publicist calls me up and she’s like, “Gabe! Snoop Dogg is looking for you.”
 -“Excuse me?”
 -“Snoop Dogg, you know–” “I know who Snoop Dogg is! What do you mean, he’s looking for me?”
 “Well, he’s looking–” “Is he looking for me or is he looking for me?”
 “He’s a fan and he wants to interview you.”
 “Oh, cool! Sounds good.
 What is it?”
 “I think it’s some type of podcast.”
 “I’m in.
 Can I bring Frankie?”
 “Absolutely.”
 “Cool.”
 So I hang up the phone.
 I’m excited.
 I want to tell my son.
----Punchline----
 I’m like, “Frankie! I’m walking towards your room.”


Similarity Score:0.38848920863309355
Percent Error Setup:29.549785612196285%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:28.94219425874951%
----Setup----
 I’ll be at your door in three, two, one.
 Hey! Alright, you’re dressed.
 Good.
 Come on, let’s go.
 “Where are we going?”
 “Watch.”
 We get in the car.
 [mimics engine]
 And now we’re off on this adventure to go do an interview with Snoop Dogg.
 You guys, let me tell you something.
 We get to the neighborhood and we’re lost.
 The GPS says we’re there, but we’re lost.
 We’re looking for a house, and there’s no house, just a big building.
 And so I’m like, “This doesn’t look– A podcast? Really?”
 So I pull up to the security gate.
 [mimics engine, tires screeching]
 Tap the button on the wall.
 [beep, line trilling]
 “Security desk.
 Can I help you?”
 Hey, Security Desk.
 My name is Gabriel Iglesias.
 I think I’m here to do an interview with Snoop Dogg.
 “Okay, one moment.”
 Oh, okay, this is it.
 Good, good.
----Punchline----
 I’m so excited.


Similarity Score:0.21052631578947367
Percent Error Setup:19.795140543115767%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:22.296500196618165%
----Setup----
 “Sir?”
 “Yes?”
 “Yes, hi, there’s no Gilbert Ignazios on file.”
 What? “Could it be another name?”
 “Another name? I don’t know.
 Fluffy, maybe?”
 [beep]
----Punchline----
 And the gate starts to open.
----Tagline(s)----
 I’m like, “Oh, my God, I’m officially in the rappers’ world because my real name doesn’t mean shit!”


Similarity Score:0.6538461538461539
Percent Error Setup:86.45188184849928%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:1795.8333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:73.41722375147464%
----Setup----
 So we drive in.
 [mimics engine]
 And we’re passing all of these reserved parking spaces.
 Reserved, reserved, reserved, reserved.
 And we get to my space, which is basically an orange cone that has “Fluffy” handwritten on it.
----Punchline----
 And a bunch of other names crossed off.


Similarity Score:0.3404255319148936
Percent Error Setup:79.40686040971892%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:75.97325992921746%
----Setup----
 So Frankie moves the cone.
 I park the car.
 [vocalizes]
 We walk into the building.
 My publicist is waiting for me, right? She’s like, “Gabe! You made it.
 Frankie, how are you? Listen.
 I just finished talking to Snoop.
 [sighs]
Wow.
 He is everything you think he is and just a little bit more.
 He is so sweet.
----Punchline----
 I cannot believe he was charged with double murder.”


Similarity Score:0.29411764705882354
Percent Error Setup:68.56836588851834%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.23790798269759%
----Setup----
 “He told me to just walk you guys into the studio and he’ll be right back.
 He said he had to go outside and get in the right headspace or something…” “Okay, cool.”
 So she walks us into Snoop’s studio.
 I’m thinking I’m there for a podcast, come to find out it’s for a TV show.
 Snoop has a TV show where he interviews celebrities.
 Everyone in the room is waiting for Snoop to return.
 You can hear the small talk.
----Punchline----
 [indistinct babbling, giggling]


Similarity Score:0.20930232558139536
Percent Error Setup:55.56217246307765%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:56.03617774282343%
----Setup----
 All of a sudden, everyone stands up and I’m looking around like, “What’s going on?”
 And I look at the door to see if Snoop’s walking in and I don’t see him and I could see my son.
 “Dad!”
 [muffled screaming]
 I don’t realize it, but Snoop is entering the room through a different door.
 I don’t realize it till, like, the last second.
 I’m like, “What do you–” So I jump up, I push in my chair.
 I’m so nervous, I don’t know how to address him.
----Punchline----
 So I’m like… 


Similarity Score:0.3655913978494624
Percent Error Setup:52.31062410671748%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:52.457727093983486%
----Setup----
 I felt stupid.
----Punchline----
 “Hi.”


Similarity Score:0.6666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:96.9327565867086%
----Setup----
 Snoop walks over to me and he’s so cool, you guys.
 He’s so cool.
 He walks over to me and he grabs my hand.
 He’s really strong.
----Punchline----
 He pulls me in and he says, “Yo, what it do, baby boo, how you feel?”


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:85.36803239637922%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.52929610696027%
----Setup----
 “Thank you for having me.”
 “Yeah.”
 -“Can I sit down?”
 -“For sure.”
 [mimics chair]
 I sit down, I look over, I see my son.
----Punchline----
 My son’s like… 


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:86.45188184849928%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.66378293354306%
----Setup----
 The difference between Snoop’s show versus any other talk show I’ve ever done is that usually there’s a person, like a producer or a director who comes to you and gives you information, like how the show begins, topics you’re going to cover, how you go to commercial, how you come back from commercial… I’ve spoken to no one.
 Snoop just starts talking and at some point, they hit “Record.”
 I’m waiting for “Action!”
 or a buzzer.
 [mimics buzzer]
 Something! Snoop just starts talking to me.
 “Yo, what up, big Fluff?”
----Punchline----
 “Big Fluff? Oh, that’s– Hey!”


Similarity Score:0.3125
Percent Error Setup:51.22677465459743%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:50.92410538733779%
----Setup----
 “Yo, you like music?”
 “Snoop, I love music.
 I love your music.”
 “Yeah, that’s what’s up.”
 He opens up a laptop computer and then he hits “play.”
 And the next thing I know, we are listening to hardcore Mexican banda music.
 I mean hardcore.
 [vocalizing]
----Punchline----
 And you can hear gunshots in the song.


Similarity Score:0.4444444444444444
Percent Error Setup:75.61338732729871%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:72.3948092803775%
----Setup----
 [humming, mimics gunshots]
 [humming, mimics gunshots]
 [humming]
 And then a cow.
----Punchline----
 [moos]
----Tagline(s)----
 And the whole time Snoop is like, “I love it when he go moo.”


Similarity Score:0.41379310344827586
Percent Error Setup:93.49690328727965%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:1321.875%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:85.17499016909163%
----Setup----
 What? I feel like he’s messing with me because I’m Mexican, right? So I called him out.
 I said, “Snoop.
 Do you understand what you’re listening to?”
 And he said this, and it’s scared me.
 He said, “Gangster recognize gangster.”
 [crowd ooh’s]
 The reason why it scared me was because he was telling the truth.
 We were listening to actual Mexican cartel songs that don’t play on the radio.
----Punchline----
 And the fact that he knew that, the fact that his level of street knowledge in another language was that on point, I said, “I gotta shut the hell up.”


Similarity Score:0.22
Percent Error Setup:62.607193901858025%
Percent Error Punchline:208.98138006571742%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:48.87927644514353%
----Setup----
 Don’t speak unless spoken to.
 That’s the code.
 Next thing I know, Snoop reaches under the desk and he pulls out the biggest blunt I have ever seen.
 [crowd gasps]
 Oh, this sucker was huge.
 As soon as he pulled out that freaking blunt, got excited because I wanted to grab my cell phone.
 Okay, I wanted to grab my cell phone so that I could take a selfie of Snoop in the background being Snoop.
 So while I’m fumbling trying to get my phone, Snoop starts talking to me again.
 “Yo, Big Fluff?”
----Punchline----
 Yeah, what? “Hit that while I hit this.”


Similarity Score:0.19607843137254902
Percent Error Setup:49.60100047641734%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:47.8568619740464%
----Setup----
 The second I went like that, all of the cameras in the room: red light.
 Red light.
 Red light.
 Red light.
 Red light.
 My publicist is like, “No!”
 My son is like, “Yeah!”
 And now I’m being faced, bro.
 I’m being faced with a serious situation, because, you know, I’ve talked about friends participating and doing stuff like this, but I’ve never openly talked about myself… You know… And now I realized that from this moment forward, people are going to know what happened here with Snoop.
 So I started trying to find ways to justify it to myself.
----Punchline----
 You know… If you’re going to do something like this on camera, you want it to be with Snoop.
----Tagline(s)----
 You want it to be with Snoop, Cheech and Chong… 
 …or Willie Nelson.


Similarity Score:0.37037037037037035
Percent Error Setup:46.8913768461172%
Percent Error Punchline:99.34282584884994%
Percent Error TagLine:1511.4583333333335%
Percent TagLine Number:31.249999999999993%
Percent Error Total:30.987023200943764%
----Setup----
 Next thing I know, the manager hands me a lighter.
 I light it and I take a big hit.
 [sucking]
 So listen, I’m doing my best to hold in all this smoke, because I don’t want to look like a punk in front of Snoop Dogg.
 I’m trying, I’m fighting, bro.
 It’s hard, you know.
----Punchline----
 [holding cough in]


Similarity Score:0.8
Percent Error Setup:69.6522153406384%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:69.32756586708612%
----Setup----
 The whole time Snoop is like, “Hell, yeah.
 That’s what I’m saying.
----Punchline----
 Fluffy going puffy today.”


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:92.95497856121962%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:90.79826976012583%
----Setup----
 I do not remember the rest of the interview.
 What I remember is my buddy Anthony telling Snoop Dogg and I to stand up for a picture.
 “Stand up, get up for a picture.”
 And so Snoop and I both stand up to take this picture.
 I put my arm around him.
----Punchline----
 I have to put my arm around him because he’s much taller than me, okay? Snoop has me by at least five inches.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.3076923076923077
Percent Error Setup:71.27798951881849%
Percent Error Punchline:139.21139101861993%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:60.125835627211956%
----Setup----
 [low-pitched]
 Bow-wow.
 Everybody’s like, “This is a family show!”
 Well, apparently, that’s how families are made.
 That was too funny, sir.
 That was too funny.
----Punchline----
 It’s sad how hard she laughed at that as she looked right at you.


Similarity Score:0.1951219512195122
Percent Error Setup:85.90995712243927%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.04050334250886%
----Setup----
 I said, “Snoop has me by at least five inches,” and she’s like… 
----Punchline----
[shrieks]
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.47058823529411764
Percent Error Setup:91.87112910909957%
Percent Error Punchline:90.03285870755751%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:91.3094769956744%
----Setup----
 So apparently you guys have some story that I just reignited.
----Punchline----
 And now it’s awkward for all the kids.


Similarity Score:0.7619047619047619
Percent Error Setup:93.49690328727965%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.26464805348014%
----Setup----
So anyway… Snoop and I are taking photos, and then I can hear my son.
 “Dad! Dad!”
 [gasps]
 “Oh! Um, Snoop, can my son take a photo with you?”
 “Yeah.”
 “Get over here!”
 And so Frankie runs up, you guys, and he’s so cute, because he’s geeking out really hard.
----Punchline----
 He’s like… 


Similarity Score:0.2692307692307692
Percent Error Setup:73.98761314911863%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:73.41722375147464%
----Setup----
 “Snoop, this is my son, Frankie.
 Frankie, say hello to Snoop.”
----Punchline----
 And Snoop looks at me, and he’s so cool, Snoop is like… “Yo, this your kid? What up, Baby Fluff?”
----Tagline(s)----
 And Frankie’s like… 


Similarity Score:0.3076923076923077
Percent Error Setup:93.49690328727965%
Percent Error Punchline:109.30996714129245%
Percent Error TagLine:468.75%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:80.06291781360598%
----Setup----
 “I don’t like that name.”
 “That’s too bad.
 Get a job, go.
 Go.”
 So Snoop and Frankie go into the corner to take pictures.
 Meanwhile, I walk back over to the desk, because I want to grab the sheet that has Snoop’s name and my name on it.
 I want to have Snoop autograph it so that I can frame it and put it on my wall.
 While I’m doing that, Frankie walks up from behind me and he whispers in my ear, trying to be all cool.
 “Dad! Dad!”
 “Huh? What? What?”
----Punchline----
 “Dad, would it be okay if I finish smoking that with Snoop?”


Similarity Score:0.36893203883495146
Percent Error Setup:51.22677465459743%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:47.34565473849784%
----Setup----
 Now I am being faced with the biggest moral decision of my life.
 And I’m high.
 And my mind is racing a thousand miles an hour.
 I’m like, “Should I let him, should I not? Am I a good dad, am I a bad dad? What’s his mom gonna think? I need a Snickers.”
 I’m just– And then I thought about it.
----Punchline----
 “You know… Frankie, you’re over 18.


Similarity Score:0.3142857142857143
Percent Error Setup:65.8587422582182%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:64.21549351160047%
----Setup----
 “Where’d you go?”
----Punchline----
 A minute later, I am recording my son in a cloud with Snoop Dogg.
----Tagline(s)----
 And then I sent the video to his mom.


Similarity Score:0.6
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:942.7083333333334%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:84.66378293354306%
----Setup----
 Hashtag biscuit blocker.
----Punchline----
 Yes, I did.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.91034211561148%
----Setup----
 Now, did this actually happen? Yes, it did.
 You can go online and watch the video on YouTube.
 Punch in “Snoop Dogg”, next to that put “Fluffy” or “Gabriel” and you can see the whole thing.
----Punchline----
 Let me know how it turns out.


Similarity Score:0.37209302325581395
Percent Error Setup:81.032634587899%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.01808887141172%
----Setup----
 The fact that I got to meet Snoop was awesome.
 He looked for me.
 But every now and then, I go out and I want to meet people, I want to see cool things.
 For example, comedy.
 I’m a huge fan of comedy.
 Not just performing it.
 But I love going to shows.
 I go to a comedy show every now and then, alone.
 Now, I don’t know if that sounds weird to you guys, but for me to do anything nowadays by myself… It’s my crew.
 All the people that work for me, they freak out when I go places.
 They’re always concerned for my safety.
----Punchline----
 “What if someone tries to kidnap you?”
----Tagline(s)----
 Well, they’re going to earn it.


Similarity Score:0.4262295081967213
Percent Error Setup:42.55597903763697%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:37.63271726307511%
----Setup----
 I got into a fight with some of my team members and I said, “You know what? I’m going out.”
----Punchline----
I bought myself a ticket and I went to go watch Chris Rock, one night, in concert.


Similarity Score:0.8108108108108109
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:59.47426067907996%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:81.0853322847031%
----Setup----
 Now, I says, “You know what? Maybe I can make my way backstage and, I don’t know, if I get lucky, maybe I’ll say hi to him.
 I’ve always wanted to meet him.”
 So I go to the side of the stage and I run into security.
 And I said, “Hey!”
 He looked at me and said, “Fluffy!”
 When he did that, I said, “Hey, listen, I forgot my keys, I’ll be right back.”
 And the guy’s like, “Yeah, keep going, get your keys.”
----Punchline----
 I’m like, “Oh, my God, that shit worked!”


Similarity Score:0.5806451612903226
Percent Error Setup:54.478323010957595%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:52.457727093983486%
----Setup----
 Just like that, I snuck backstage at a Chris Rock concert.
 Once I was behind the curtain, I was in my element.
 I knew where everything was.
 I knew where the food was, I knew where the dressing rooms were, where the bathrooms were… I’m walking around with a soda, people are coming up to me.
 “We didn’t know you were going to be here.”
----Punchline----
 “I got a call last minute.”
----Tagline(s)----
 “Looking for my keys.”


Similarity Score:0.5063291139240507
Percent Error Setup:64.2329680800381%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:468.75%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:59.614628391663395%
----Setup----
 I says, “You know what, I got this far.
 I’m going to push it.
 I want to meet him.”
 I’ve always wanted to meet Chris Rock.
 It was not hard.
 Once I was back there, I just had to go to the dressing rooms.
 All I had to do was read the name on the door.
 I’m standing there, in front of the door, and I’m hyperventilating.
 [panting]
 [mimics knocking]
 The door opens up and there’s this man in there, this bodyguard who’s just massive.
 I’m a big guy, but damn, he was huge! As soon as he opened the door… 
[low-pitched growl]
 [mimics whooshing]
 [roaring]
 For real.
 Welcome to Jurassic– Big! Grandote.
 And I’m standing there and I’m like… “Hi.”
 And he’s like, “Can I help you?”
 “Yes, my name is Gabriel, I’m a comedian.
 And I wanted to see if I could say hi to Chris Rock if that’s possible.”
 “You say you comedian?”
 “Yes.”
 “Well, then you understand Chris is going over his material right now.
 He really ain’t trying to talk to nobody.
 So I’ll tell you what, player, if you want to come by after the show, You’re more than welcome to, but right now it’s not a good time.
 Chris Rock is a busy man.”
----Punchline----
 [clicks tongue, sighs]


Similarity Score:0.29767441860465116
Percent Error Setup:14.346117198666034%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:9.90955564294141%
----Setup----
 “Can I wave?”
 “Excuse me?”
 “Can I wave?”
 “What you mean?”
 “Can I wave to Chris? I don’t have to come in.
 Can I wave?”
 Chris Rock is in the room.
----Punchline----
 He can hear the stupid conversation that’s taking place.


Similarity Score:0.5714285714285714
Percent Error Setup:82.65840876607908%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.52929610696027%
----Setup----
 I know this because I can hear Chris Rock in the background.
 “What’s going on? Who’s at the door? Move out the way.”
 “Yo, Chris, I got this, man.
 I got this.”
 “Move!”
 “Alright.”
 The guy stands to the side.
 And now I’m looking at Chris Rock.
 And he recognized me.
 And it freaked me out.
 Oh, yeah, it freaked me out.
 He’s like, “Oh, shit! Look who it is.
 Look who it is.
----Punchline----
 It’s the king of the Mexicans.”


Similarity Score:0.379746835443038
Percent Error Setup:60.981419723677945%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:59.614628391663395%
----Setup----
 Chris Rock called me the king of the Mexicans.
 For the rest of the show, everyone referred to me as “El Chapo.”
 I was celebrating the fact that I got away with that for so long.
 For so long! “I snuck backstage at Chris Rock! I snuck backstage, I snuck–“Until Karma showed up one day, in the form of the most extreme fan I have ever had in 20 years of me being a comedian.
 I had someone who not only made it backstage.
 This person paid to get into my dressing room.
 Okay? Yeah.
 He didn’t pay me, by the way.
 He didn’t pay me.
 I’m an honest hoe.
 Okay? I made no money that day, alright? If I had gotten paid, you wouldn’t be hearing this story.
 Here’s the thing.
 I walk into my dressing room from the bathroom.
 I just finished showering up and I’m in a towel.
 I walk into the room, come to find out later that this man was a very wealthy businessman in the community, okay? And when I walked into the room, he’s wearing a very, very nice suit.
 So when I saw the suit, I didn’t give it a second thought, because he looked professional.
 I thought maybe he was the general manager of the building, one of the concert promoters, he could have been someone’s agent… So when I walked in the room, in my towel, right, “Can I help you?”
 He looks at me and it was the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had.
 He looks at me and says, “Listen.
----Punchline----
 [inhales deeply, exhales]


Similarity Score:0.13584905660377358
Percent Error Setup:41.44235350166746%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:35.46991742036965%
----Setup----
 I am not here to waste any of your time.
 Fluffy, I am prepared to take care of you.
 I will give you a new Lexus.
 And an allowance that’s more than what you make as a comedian.
----Punchline----
 Leave with me.”
----Tagline(s)----
 I was never more disgusted and offended at the fact that I was not gay.
 Because finally! Finally, somebody wants to take care of me.


Similarity Score:0.3380281690140845
Percent Error Setup:78.86493568365889%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:2554.166666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:31.249999999999993%
Percent Error Total:63.7042862760519%
----Setup----
 Do you know how many people I take care of? No one’s ever offered me a Lexus, and they should.
 I felt horrible saying no to this guy.
----Punchline----
 I still think about it.
----Tagline(s)----
 I still have the number.


Similarity Score:0.5238095238095238
Percent Error Setup:84.28418294425917%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:563.5416666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:78.52929610696027%
----Setup----
Houston, I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t know how this is going to go over, but I’m going to say it.
----Punchline----
 I would be an amazing gay partner.
----Tagline(s)----
 I would! All the way up until that one part, but even then.


Similarity Score:0.723404255319149
Percent Error Setup:86.99380657455931%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:1321.875%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:75.97325992921746%
----Setup----
 Those are nice! Sometimes you got to take one for your own team.
----Punchline----
 I’m just saying.


Similarity Score:1.1764705882352942
Percent Error Setup:92.4130538351596%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:91.3094769956744%
----Setup----
 Now, in all seriousness, not to be funny, not to be disrespectful, let me tell you the reason why I would be an amazing gay partner.
 The level, the level of communication between two men is so high, I might actually get an answer.
 There might be clarity and understanding.
----Punchline----
 I might hear a yes, I might hear a no.


Similarity Score:0.3548387096774194
Percent Error Setup:72.36183897093854%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:68.305151395989%
----Setup----
 Very simple “yes or no” questions.
 That’s what I would do.
 Something as simple as… Bebé, you hungry? “Well… I haven’t eaten yet, so I probably should eat something, but I’m not feeling it right now.
 But if I don’t eat right now, you know how I’m gonna get later.
 So I guess it’s probably a good idea if I start eating right now, but it really depends on the options.
----Punchline----
 What do you think?”


Similarity Score:0.2631578947368421
Percent Error Setup:61.52334444973797%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:61.148250098309084%
----Setup----
 You hear all the guys? “Finally! I’m not alone!”
 Everybody’s pointing at somebody right now.
 Guys, am I right? This has to be– You would think that this is the safest question in the world to ask, but it’s not.
 “Well… Just pick something.
 You know me, I go with the flow.
 Whatever you decide is okay with me.
 You know me already, just pick something.”
 “Alright, we’re going to Burger King.”
 “I don’t like Burger King.
----Punchline----
 Why do we got to go to Burger King? Burger King gives me chorro.”


Similarity Score:0.43478260869565216
Percent Error Setup:58.2717960933778%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:52.96893432953205%
----Setup----
 Chorro is Mexican diarrhea.
 How about this one? “How do you feel?”
 “Really? Really? You want to know how I feel? Well, maybe if you’d pay attention from time to time, you might know how I feel.
 You might not need to have to ask me such a question, because you would already know exactly how I feel.
 You might have time and energy.
 I’m exhausted to let you know how I feel and you have the nerve to ask me ‘How do you feel?'”Now imagine the exact same conversation between me and Mr.
----Punchline----
 Lexus.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:49.60100047641734%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:51.43531262288635%
----Setup----
 Do you know how efficient that conversation would be? “Hey, bro! You hungry?”
 “I thought you’d never ask.”
 “What do you want to eat?”
 “Whatever you want to eat.”
 “We’re going to Burger King.”
----Punchline----
 “I love Whoppers.”


Similarity Score:0.7692307692307693
Percent Error Setup:81.032634587899%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:80.06291781360598%
----Setup----
 “Me, too!”
 We go to Burger King and we tear it up.
 We get back home and I ask him, “Hey, how do you feel?”
----Punchline----
 “Horny.”
----Tagline(s)----
 “Me, too! How do you want to do this? Heads or tails?”


Similarity Score:0.5853658536585366
Percent Error Setup:85.90995712243927%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:1132.2916666666665%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:79.04050334250886%
----Setup----
 This is hypothetical.
 But believe me, I still think about it, you know? Especially whenever I get into fights with my girl and she says something like, “Oh, you think you can do better?”
----Punchline----
 I know I can have a Lexus.


Similarity Score:0.46511627906976744
Percent Error Setup:81.032634587899%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.01808887141172%
----Setup----
I don’t know, man.
 I know we’re in the middle of a Netflix taping.
 Whoever is running the light up there, just want to make sure, ’cause I keep moving.
 And I stepped out of your light twice.
 Any other show, I’d be like, “No problem, no big deal.”
 But this is for Netflix.
 It’s the people that replaced Comedy Central.
----Punchline----
 [crowd ooh’s]
----Tagline(s)----
 You should work for Immigration.


Similarity Score:0.9014084507042254
Percent Error Setup:66.94259171033825%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:563.5416666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:63.7042862760519%
----Setup----
 I’m just giving you a hard time.
 I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
----Punchline----
 Ladies and gen– I apologize for that.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:93.49690328727965%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.77585528902871%
----Setup----
 I honestly don’t think that the people that work behind the scenes, like spotlight operators, get enough credit.
 Whether it’s spotlight operators, the people that run the cameras, the people that set up the stages, the people that work security, the people that run the building.
 Without them, there is no show.
 And the same thing goes with me.
 I got my own support team: managers, agents, promoters, you know, freaking merchandise people.
I have a bus driver named Dave, who has never received any credit.
 And he’s been working for me for almost 10 years now.
----Punchline----
 This man… 
----Tagline(s)----
 This man has successfully gotten me to every single comedy show on time, without fail.
 If I had to describe him to you, okay? Dave looks like the word ‘Murica.


Similarity Score:0.1875
Percent Error Setup:50.14292520247737%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:2933.333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:31.249999999999993%
Percent Error Total:34.565473849783714%
----Setup----
 Not “America.”
 ‘Murica! He’s about six feet tall and he’s white.
 He has a gray beard and he wears a trucker hat.
 And he’s got to be one of the most hardworking people I have ever met.
 When I say hardworking, Hey, I’m on the road 46 weeks out of the year.
 So I know.
 The difference is I fly home every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
 Dave stays on that bus and he gets it to the next city, where we meet him.
 He works anniversaries, holidays, special moments.
 Christmas time, I was with my family.
 Dave was driving that bus on the East Coast.
 New Year’s, I was with my family.
 Dave was on the East Coast driving that bus.
 One of the hardest working people I’ve ever met.
----Punchline----
 I just want to give a shout-out.


Similarity Score:0.4148148148148148
Percent Error Setup:31.17555979037637%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:30.987023200943764%
----Setup----
 In addition to being hardworking, he’s, uh– He’s very honest.
 When I say honest, I don’t mean “Oh, he does his taxes right.”
 I mean painfully honest.
 No-filter honest.
 He talks the way people used to.
 He does not have time to mince words.
 He just calls it like he sees it.
 Before me, he used to work with a man by the name of Kenny G.
 Grammy Award winner, amazing, amazing music.
 Um… one day, Kenny G was on his tour bus that Dave was driving, and I guess the two of them had a little discussion and Kenny G used some words that Dave would’ve rather him not have used.
 And instead of getting into it with him, this is what Dave does.
 [mimics engine, tires screeching]
 [brake hissing, door whooshing]
----Punchline----
 Kicked Kenny G off of his own bus.


Similarity Score:0.18439716312056736
Percent Error Setup:28.46593616007623%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:27.919779787652377%
----Setup----
 Because he would rather lose his job than lose his self-respect.
----Punchline----
 And that’s the man I work with.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:93.49690328727965%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.77585528902871%
----Setup----
He’s a bad dude.
 You guys are clapping, but you should’ve seen the interview.
----Punchline----
 Oh, man, it was a good one.


Similarity Score:0.45454545454545453
Percent Error Setup:92.4130538351596%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:88.75344081793158%
----Setup----
 He looks at me and he says, “Hey! Let’s get one thing straight.
 I don’t give a shit who you are.
 You treat me right, I’ll treat you right.
----Punchline----
 You pay me on time, you’ll live.


Similarity Score:0.3684210526315789
Percent Error Setup:83.74225821819914%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:80.57412504915455%
----Setup----
 Not to mention the fact that he keeps that tour bus squeaky clean.
 And he takes a lot of pride in that as well.
 One night, I was drinking on the bus, and I go to put my cup down.
 And I miss the table, and the cup hit the floor.
 I didn’t get up right away to get the cup, because I figured I’ll get up in a couple minutes and make myself another drink, I’ll pick up the cup then.
 Dave sees the cup on the floor, and then he looks at me and says, “Hey! I ain’t your mama.
----Punchline----
 Pick that shit up!”


Similarity Score:0.32075471698113206
Percent Error Setup:45.26560266793711%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:45.812033031852145%
----Setup----
 I get to the back of the bus and I’m like, “Wait a minute, I pay him.”
 “Hey, Dave…” “Shut up!”
 “Yeah, I’ll be in the back, in my room.
 Thank you.
 Drive safe.”
 And people tell me, “You work with a man who talks that way to you? Why?”
 Let me tell you why.
 Because he’s honest.
 With Dave, you know exactly what you get.
 Nowadays, it’s so hard for me to tell who’s being genuine and who has an agenda, and with him, you know exactly where you stand.
 If he likes you, he loves you.
----Punchline----
 And if not, you’re on the curb with Kenny G.


Similarity Score:0.37037037037037035
Percent Error Setup:46.8913768461172%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:44.78961856075501%
----Setup----
That being said, I have a story to share.
 [scattered whooping]
 About a year and a half ago, maybe longer, we’re on the bus and we’re heading down the highway.
 [mimics bus thrumming]
 Just so you have kind of an understanding of the bus layout.
 Let’s say this is the front.
 Here’s Dave, the driver.
 Empty seat.
 And then a sliding door that goes in between him and the rest of the tour bus.
 My buddy Alfred and I are in the living room portion and we’re watching TV.
 We’re watching the news, and on the news, there’s this person who is running for some type of office.
----Punchline----
 No particular office.
----Tagline(s)----
 And I guess their big plan is to erect a structure… 
 …between two bodies of land.


Similarity Score:0.26153846153846155
Percent Error Setup:42.55597903763697%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:1795.8333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:31.249999999999993%
Percent Error Total:33.54305937868659%
----Setup----
 Somewhere.
 And I guess they want one side of the structure to finance the entire project.
 Well, my buddy Alfred and I have a lot of family that works in construction and we know a bad job when we see one.
 So we started to voice our opinion out loud about how we felt about this person and what they wanted to do.
 We’re being very loud.
 So loud, Dave can hear us and then we hear Dave.
 [exaggerated laugh]
----Punchline----
 “‘Murica.”


Similarity Score:0.36585365853658536
Percent Error Setup:56.64602191519771%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:58.0810066850177%
----Setup----
 I yell out to Dave, I say, “Be quiet, Dave.
 This isn’t about you.”
 He taps a button on the dashboard that activates the sliding door.
 And when the door is about that far from closing, he yells out, “I’m building a wall.”
----Punchline----
 [thud]


Similarity Score:0.34782608695652173
Percent Error Setup:76.15531205335874%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.48446716476602%
----Setup----
 I couldn’t even get upset because I was too much in shock over the fact that that came out of someone four feet away from me.
 My buddy Alfred and I, we looked like chickens.
 We’re like… 
[clucking noises]
 My cell phone goes off.
 [mimics phone vibrating]
 I take out my phone and there’s a text message.
----Punchline----
 From Dave.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:69.11029061457837%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:69.32756586708612%
----Setup----
 And I said, “That’s right.
 He better say, ‘I’m sorry.
’ He better say, ‘Just kidding.
----Punchline----
'” I open up the text message and it says, “And you’re paying for it.”


Similarity Score:0.3225806451612903
Percent Error Setup:91.32920438303954%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.1525756979945%
----Setup----
 And people tell me, “You still work with him after that?”
 Yes, I do.
 I trust that man with my life every single night.
 I know where his heart’s at.
 He can say whatever he wants.
----Punchline----
 At the end of the day, he still has to drive around the king of the Mexicans.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.41509433962264153
Percent Error Setup:80.49070986183897%
Percent Error Punchline:59.47426067907996%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:72.90601651592607%
----Setup----
The point to this story is just because you have a difference in opinion, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have respect for one another, you can’t have love for one another, that you can’t have incredible friendships with one another.
 It’s our differences that make us special.
 What a lot of us need to work on is our delivery.
 It’s all in the way you say things.
 That’s why text messages are always misinterpreted.
 ‘Cause you read the text according to how you feel.
 “What does he mean, ‘Hello’?”
 Yeah.
 Anyway, Dave has gotten us to 48 of the 50 states.
 He doesn’t travel with us outside of America.
 He prefers it that way.
 Last year, we got a chance to do a European tour of 15 countries.
 Estonia, Germany, Norway, Belgium, the Netherlands, UK… We’re just bouncing around all over the place.
 And then we wound up on the other side of the world.


Out of all the countries I performed in, my favorite country outside of home is Australia.
 And I’ll tell you why.
 Australia, much like us in America, has its list of priorities.
 You know what’s not on their list? Political correctness.
 They do not care about your feelings.
----Punchline----
 It’s like a country full of Daves.


Similarity Score:0.28292682926829266
Percent Error Setup:6.759171033825632%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:4.797483287455762%
----Setup----
 Believe it or not, it’s very refreshing to be around such a large group of people who speak their minds so freely.
 And if you know that before you go there, you’re going to have an amazing time, but if you don’t know that and you show up, it is a culture shock and a half, because I showed up and I didn’t know.
 Everybody says you got to see the beaches and I went to the beach.
 I had people coming up to me.
----Punchline----
 “Hey! Somebody help me get him back in the water.”


Similarity Score:0.6881720430107527
Percent Error Setup:55.56217246307765%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:52.457727093983486%
----Setup----
 “Yeah, right there, big fella.
 Look at you, right there.
 Oh, wait, he’s moving.
 He’s moving, he’s moving.
----Punchline----
 Oh, he’s crying! He’s crying! I bet it tastes like gravy.”


Similarity Score:0.3225806451612903
Percent Error Setup:89.70343020485946%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.1525756979945%
----Setup----
 It’s not bullying if everyone does it.
Yeah, that being said, I’m in Australia.
 Sydney, Australia, at the Opera House, for me, was one of the most iconic places I’ve ever got to perform in and it was bucket list, definitely.
 After the show, I want to go hang out with some Aussies see what that was like.
 I’m hanging out at a pub.
 First things first.
 Australian people do not drink Foster’s beer.
 That’s an American thing.
 They don’t drink that over there.
 I tried ordering one to fit in, didn’t go over well.
----Punchline----
 Bartender looked at me, “You like the taste of piss, do ya?”


Similarity Score:0.4339622641509434
Percent Error Setup:49.60100047641734%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:45.812033031852145%
----Setup----
 “Okay, don’t order that again.”
 So I’m hanging out with these two Aussies and we’re drinking a rum called Bundaberg.
----Punchline----
 At first glance, it looks like a Coca-Cola bottle because there’s a polar bear on the front and then you drink it and you’re like, “That’s not Coke.”


Similarity Score:0.32
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:189.0470974808324%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:74.43963822257177%
----Setup----
 As we’re talking, a third Australian joined the conversation, and he sounded a little bit different from the other two.
 He had more of a raspy voice.
 More like… 
[growls indistinctly]
----Punchline----
 He sounded like a drunk pirate underwater.


Similarity Score:0.3
Percent Error Setup:82.65840876607908%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.55171057805741%
----Setup----
 These two guys didn’t like him, so they called him a name and they left, and now it’s just me and drunk pirate.
 We’re talking about life.
 Life in America, life in Australia, talking about our differences.
 He tells me that he’s a professional knife maker.
 He’s showing me how it’s done, he’s showing me pictures.
 We wind up polishing off three bottles of this rum.
 And drunk wasn’t even the right word to describe our level.
 My tour manager Ryan, he comes up to me and he says, “Gabe, time to go.”
 And I look at Ryan and I’m like, “But Ryan, I just made a friend and he makes knives and they’re pretty.”
 My tour manager always knows how to talk to me no matter what condition I’m in.
 If I’m drunk, he knows better than to talk to me like I’m an adult.
 He talks to me like I’m two.
----Punchline----
 He looks at me and he says, “Hey, buddy.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.14814814814814814
Percent Error Setup:18.169366364935684%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:17.184427841132518%
----Setup----
 Well, listen, if we don’t leave right now, they’re gonna close McDonald’s and you’re going to have to eat at the airport.”
 I gotta go.
 “Alright, mate, you gotta go, you gotta go.
 No worries.”
 And he goes to shake my hand.
 And when he shook my hand, he put his personal pocket knife that he made in my hand as a gift.
 “That’s for you, mate.
 Thanks for being nice.”
----Punchline----
 “Thank you! Thank you! I’ll cut cheeseburgers with this.”


Similarity Score:0.4444444444444444
Percent Error Setup:61.52334444973797%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:58.59221392056626%
----Setup----
We leave, and we head to the restaurant.
 [mimics engine]
 The manager at the restaurant recognized me.
 He’s a big fan.
 And he said, “Hey, stay as long as you like.”
 Shouldn’t have said that.
 The plan was do the show, go have some drinks, get a bite to eat, go to the hotel, shower up and then go to the airport.
 We stayed so long at the restaurant, we had to go straight to the airport.
 So we get there, and you don’t sober up in like two hours, after three bottles of rum.
----Punchline----
 I was not in airport condition.


Similarity Score:0.3
Percent Error Setup:49.60100047641734%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:48.87927644514353%
----Setup----
 And so my tour manager has one hand on each shoulder, right? Ryan’s trying to push me through the airport, and, you know, he’s about 190.
----Punchline----
 I’m not.
----Tagline(s)----
 And he’s pushing me with everything.


Similarity Score:0.42105263157894735
Percent Error Setup:85.36803239637922%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:80.57412504915455%
----Setup----
 And he gets me all the way to airport security.
 And airport security in Australia, you don’t have to take off your shoes, and I didn’t worry about taking off a belt because I don’t wear a belt, ’cause I have a butt.
 So he lines me up with airport security and he tells me, “I got to let you go.”
 “Don’t let me go.”
 “I got to let you go.”
 “Don’t let me go!”
 And then he pushed me, and I’m going forward.
 And he yells out, “You’re a plane!”
 and the two-year-old came out.
----Punchline----
 “I’m a plane!”
----Tagline(s)----
 And now this Fluffy 747 is headed right for the metal detector, and I can see the security officer on the other side.


Similarity Score:0.304
Percent Error Setup:47.43330157217723%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:2175.0%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:36.09909555642941%
----Setup----
 And when I got really close, Ryan yells out, “Wings down! Wings down!”
 And I went through and I didn’t touch the edges, but when I went through… 
[beep]
 -[man in the crowd]
 The knife.
 -[crowd gasps]
 I sobered up for half a second because I realized, Oh, my God, I forgot to check the knife that the guy gave me and it’s on me and I’ve already cleared the freaking… You know… So I’m like… The security officer does this.
----Punchline----
 “Eh, go ahead.”


Similarity Score:0.2891566265060241
Percent Error Setup:57.18794664125774%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:57.56979944946913%
----Setup----
 Houston, sober me would have internally celebrated the fact that I am not going to prison for sneaking a knife past airport security and boarding a flight.
----Punchline----
 Drunk me was offended.


Similarity Score:0.375
Percent Error Setup:85.36803239637922%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
 Oh, you can ask my buddy, Ryan was right behind me.
 I looked at the security officer and I said, “Hey! Hey! How do you know? How do you know I’m not a terrorist?”
 And I can hear my friends in line.
----Punchline----
 “Fuck!”
----Tagline(s)----
 The security officer in uniform, wearing a badge, looks at me and says, “Hey, when have you ever seen a fat terrorist?”


Similarity Score:0.2898550724637681
Percent Error Setup:76.69723677941877%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:2175.0%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:64.72670074714904%
----Setup----
 “Eh, look at him.
 He’s crying.
----Punchline----
 I bet it tastes like gravy.”


Similarity Score:0.5714285714285714
Percent Error Setup:96.20652691757981%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:92.84309870232009%
----Setup----
Yeah.
 -You guys, I gotta tell you– -[man]
----Punchline----
 We love you, Fluffy! What happened, bro? [man]
----Tagline(s)----
 ‘Cause I’m not passing that up again.


Similarity Score:0.3076923076923077
Percent Error Setup:95.66460219151978%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:753.125%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:86.70861187573732%
----Setup----
 Sorry.
----Punchline----
 I just– But thank you.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.91034211561148%
----Setup----
 Actually, I’ve had some pretty awesome times over the last 20 years.
 And whenever I talk to fans, they have certain questions about my past, whether it’s my family, my upbringing, where my mom came from, where my dad came from… Certain stories.
 I love the fact that I had someone ask me one time, “In your 20-plus years as a comedian, what has been your greatest moment?”
 My greatest moment wasn’t even something that happened at a show, but it was because of what I was able to do for someone very special to me.
 My mom, who is no longer with us, she meant everything to me.
 She was my biggest supporter, even though she would never laugh at my jokes.
 She would get mad at her friends that wouldn’t laugh.
----Punchline----
 -“¿Pendejo, por que no te ríes?”


Similarity Score:0.2158273381294964
Percent Error Setup:28.46593616007623%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:28.94219425874951%
----Setup----
 How come you don’t laugh?I did something really awesome for my mom before she passed away.
----Punchline----
 I took her to go see a man by the name of Vicente Fernandez.


Similarity Score:0.625
Percent Error Setup:90.7872796569795%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
 In concert.
 now if you’re not familiar with who Vicente Fernandez is, he is basically Mexican Elvis.
----Punchline----
 But he’s still alive.


Similarity Score:0.17391304347826086
Percent Error Setup:90.24535493091949%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:88.24223358238301%
----Setup----
 So a few years ago, Vicente Fernandez and myself were both performing at the same venue, a venue called the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles.
 It is no longer there.
 A woman by the name of Emily was running the building.
 I was there the week before Vicente Fernandez, and after three sold-out shows she comes up to me and says, “Gabriel, thank you so much for this incredible business.
 We’re so happy with how the shows turned out.
 I have a question for you.
 Is your mom a fan of Vicente Fernandez?”
----Punchline----
 I said, “Emily, my mom’s Mexican.
----Tagline(s)----
 It’s the law.”


Similarity Score:0.26666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:49.60100047641734%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:373.95833333333337%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:46.323240267400706%
----Setup----
 “I thought so.
 Listen, Vicente Fernandez is going to be performing here next week.
 And I wanted to do something very special for you to show my appreciation.
 Do you think you and your mom would like to come see him perform and I’ll get you front-row center?”
 I said, “Emily, that sounds amazing.
 I’m pretty sure the answer is yes, but my mom is old school, so I still got to ask.
 I’ll call you.”
 So I get to my mom’s house, and I see her.
 “Mama.”
 “Dime, mi hijo.”
 Mi hijo in Spanish means “my son.”
 So my mom would always tell me that, my son, mi hijo.
 Mi hijo.
 “Dime, mi hijo.”
 “Tell me, my son.”
 I said, “Mom, would you like to go see Vicente Fernandez in concert?”
 And she looked at me and said, “Mi hijo, that sounds nice.”
 That’s exactly how she said it.
 She was very even-keeled.
 She wouldn’t show a lot of emotion.
 So I call Emily and I said my mom’s in.
 “Awesome.
 I’ll see you next week.”
 So we get to the venue and we’re early, so they have us in this little VIP section where they’re giving us free drinks and free snacks, and my mom was so cute.
 She walks up to me and she says, “Mi hijo, are the drinks free?”
 I said, “Mom, yeah, the drinks are free, but don’t worry about it.”
 “No, no, no, mi hijo, I didn’t bring any money.
 I don’t have no money.”
 I said, “Mom, you made an ATM.
----Punchline----
 You’re good.”
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.25190839694656486
Percent Error Setup:39.816579323487375%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:33.93629571372395%
----Setup----
 The messed up part is that she didn’t even like drinking.
----Punchline----
 She just wanted to walk around with a couple of drinks so she’d look like she was part of the party.


Similarity Score:0.5294117647058824
Percent Error Setup:93.49690328727965%
Percent Error Punchline:119.27710843373494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:82.6189539913488%
----Setup----
 -You know? So she’s got a couple drinks, and as it was, when she’d walk around, she’d have a little bit of a limp, because she had just had toe surgery a couple months prior.
 So she had kind of like a little– It looked like she was dancing.
 [vocalizing]
 So she’s walking around.
 Here comes Emily.
 “Gabriel, you made it!”
 I go, “Yeah, this is my mom.
 Emily, this is my mom, Esther.
 Mom, this is Emily.”
 “They’re free!”
 “She knows they’re free.
 She made this happen.”
 “Oh, thank you, thank you! You’re the one who hired mi hijo.
 Gracias.
 Thank you so much.”
 Emily goes, “Can I talk to you for a second?”
 “Sure.
 Mom, I’ll be right back.
 What’s up, Emily?”
 “Gabriel, do you think your mom would you like to meet Vicente Fernandez right now?”
----Punchline----
 I said, “Emily, let me tell you something… 
----Tagline(s)----
 …if she says no, I want to meet him.


Similarity Score:0.17391304347826086
Percent Error Setup:24.130538351595998%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:942.7083333333334%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:17.695635076681086%
----Setup----
 I’ll be right back.”
 “Mamá.”
 “Dime, mi hijo”.
 Emily wants to know if you would like to meet Vicente Fernandez right now.
 “Mi hijo, that sounds nice.”
 “Alright.
 Emily, she’s in.”
 Emily goes, “Is she even a fan?”
 I go, “Trust me, that’s her reaction.
 She’s good.
 She has the whole house covered with Vicente Fernandez records and cassettes.
 Okay? We’re good.”
 So Emily comes back.
 And she puts the special VIP bracelets on us with a little click, and she walks us through a door into the backstage area.
 As soon as we went through the door, I knew exactly where we were.
 I was just there a week ago.
 So I got my mom arm in arm, and we’re walking down the hallway, okay? Come on, Mama.
 Let’s go.
 Let’s go.
 We’re walking down the hallway, and we’re getting closer and closer to Vicente Fernandez’s dressing room.
 The door is wide open, and I can hear a commotion coming out of the dressing room.
 [shrieking]
 And then a man and a woman exit the room and the man is holding on to the woman’s shoulders and he’s like, “It’s okay, it’s okay.
 It’s okay, it’s okay.”
 And the woman looks destroyed.
 Okay? [wailing]
 Mascara is running down her face.
 My mom sees that and she’s like, “Mi hijo, did you see that? Did you see the mascara… 
[shrieks]
----Punchline----
 With the mascara– Parece puta la cabrona.”


Similarity Score:0.20253164556962025
Percent Error Setup:24.100762267746546%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:21.156114825009833%
----Setup----
 Sorry.
----Punchline----
 Puta means “friendly.”


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:96.9327565867086%
----Setup----
 So we get by the door, and the closer we get, we start to see a guy in the room.
 Then he comes to the door.
 In the room, there’s three people, okay? There’s Vicente Fernandez, the photographer and a handler.
 The handler comes to the door, and you can tell by his voice that he works for like a Mexican radio station, ’cause he’s got that voice.
 “Hola! Hola! Pasale! Pasale!”
 Pasale in Spanish means “come on in.”
 So we start to walk into the room.
 And let me tell you guys something, If you grew up listening to Vicente Fernandez from a young age, and you get the opportunity to meet him, it is seriously a religious experience.
 My mom and I are entering the room, the only thing missing is the freaking… 
----Punchline----
[imitates cleric speaking Latin]


Similarity Score:0.2302158273381295
Percent Error Setup:26.840161981896138%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:28.94219425874951%
----Setup----
 You don’t look at him.
 You look at the floor.
 Out of respect, you just look at the floor.
 “Come on, Ma”.
 We get all the way up to him and I see boots.
----Punchline----
 And when I see the boots, my mom and I both just… 


Similarity Score:0.5714285714285714
Percent Error Setup:81.032634587899%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:74.95084545812033%
----Setup----
 He knows what you’re doing.
 He knows you’re checking him out.
 So what he does is he poses, okay? Vicente stands there and he poses.
 He’ll have the sombrero, the hat, to his side.
 And then, he doesn’t look at you.
----Punchline----
 He looks away.
----Tagline(s)----
 And he sticks his chest out and he stands there looking like a big-ass bottle of Tapatio at Costco.


Similarity Score:0.21212121212121213
Percent Error Setup:77.2391615054788%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:1795.8333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:66.26032245379473%
----Setup----
 And then he looked at me.
 [mimics whooshing]
 And he recognized me.
 not as a comedian, but because I was there the week before and my photo was hanging outside his door.
 It was whoever is there last, they always rotate the photo.
 So he sees me and he’s like, “Mi hijo, tu eres el muchacho que esta en la foto ahí afuera.”
 “Yeah, that’s me outside, yeah.
----Punchline----
 Hola!”


Similarity Score:0.3142857142857143
Percent Error Setup:63.14911862791806%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:64.21549351160047%
----Setup----
 “Oh.
 Vicente, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
----Punchline----
 Le presento… mi mamá!”


Similarity Score:0.16666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:96.20652691757981%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.86551317341723%
----Setup----
 I’m like, “Oh, my God.
----Punchline----
 I think I just offered up my mom to Vicente Fernandez.”


Similarity Score:0.5555555555555556
Percent Error Setup:96.74845164363984%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:90.79826976012583%
----Setup----
 She’s like 73.
 “Better late than never, Mom, get him!”
 My mom starts walking up to, Vicente.
 He was so nice.
 He goes out to shake my mom’s hand and my mom grabs his hand.
 And I don’t know where she got this strength and energy from, but she grabbed him and pulled him in.
 Hard, like the video game.
 “Get over here!”
 And then hooked him.
 She hooked him and she starts screaming into his chest.
 “Mi Chente!”
 I’m like, “Oh, my God.
----Punchline----
 She’s getting horny.”


Similarity Score:0.3218390804597701
Percent Error Setup:55.02024773701763%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:55.52497050727487%
----Setup----
 And he knew, too! ‘Cause he was like, “Quitamela! Quitamela!”
 The photographer, the handler and me.
 The three of us is what it took to pull her off of Vicente.
 We sit her down, she’s bawling.
 [wailing]
----Punchline----
 Mascara is running down her face.


Similarity Score:0.3111111111111111
Percent Error Setup:79.40686040971892%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.99567440031458%
----Setup----
 The photographer shaking his head.
 I guess Vicente had dinner earlier that night.
 He was eating barbecue, ’cause they had those wet naps.
 Barbecue wet naps.
 And so we take the wet naps and we start cleaning the mascara off my mom’s face.
 We stand her up.
 We posed her and we took the picture.
 Emily comes over and she takes us and she escorts us to our seats in the front.
 And for three hours… for three hours, my mom was on her feet listening to him and she refused to sit down.
 “Mom, you should sit down–” “No, ¿cómo qué? És el Chente.”
----Punchline----
 Holding a shot of tequila that she never drank.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.2413793103448276
Percent Error Setup:43.097903763697%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:40.6999606763665%
----Setup----
 Three hours on her feet.
 Never once sat down.
----Punchline----
 That’s how powerful his music was.


Similarity Score:0.11764705882352941
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:91.3094769956744%
----Setup----
 My mom felt no pain for that entire time.
 And the minute that freaking concert was over, “Tan-taran, tan-tan.”
 “My feet! Oh, my God, mi hijo, mis pies.
 Ay, pinche callo.
 “Oh, my God, my feet! Ay!”
 And I’m like, “Oh, great.”
 So now I gotta drag this living novela to the parking lot.
 I helped her into the car.
 “My feet!”
 “I told you to sit down.”
 “You don’t sit for Chente.”
 Here comes Emily.
 “Did you guys have a good time?”
 I go, “Emily, we had the greatest time.
 Thank you so much.”
 “I got something for you.”
 Oh, what’s that? And she hands me an envelope and I open it, and inside the envelope is the picture.
 She printed it out for me, and when I looked at it I got so choked up because I have never seen my mom so happy in a picture.
 And it’s not that she wouldn’t smile.
----Punchline----
 She would smile, but it was that “one, two, three, cheese.”
----Tagline(s)----
 But this one was like… 


Similarity Score:0.18181818181818182
Percent Error Setup:15.45974273463554%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:10.027526543452614%
----Setup----
 And what makes it extra special is that it’s the last photo I have of my mom and she was the happiest.
----Punchline----
 And I know that that moment wouldn’t be possible if I did not do this for a living.


Similarity Score:0.43902439024390244
Percent Error Setup:87.53573130061935%
Percent Error Punchline:79.40854326396494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.04050334250886%
----Setup----
 So thank you for that.
----Punchline----
 Sorry, now a lot of people are like, “We came to laugh…” -[mumbling indistinctly in Spanish]


Similarity Score:0.9565217391304348
Percent Error Setup:96.74845164363984%
Percent Error Punchline:69.44140197152245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:88.24223358238301%
----Setup----
   Houston, I got to share this story.
 Twenty years ago, when I started doing this, okay, the fact that we’re here tonight in an arena doing a comedy special is huge, but everything… Everything has a beginning.
 The fact that I can travel and I meet so many people, “we are your fans,” “we are your fans,” and social media shows over 10 million, everything comes from somewhere.
----Punchline----
 And the fact that tonight I have in the audience my first two fans that ever came out to see one of my shows, I flew them out from Los Angeles to be here tonight.


Similarity Score:0.32075471698113206
Percent Error Setup:62.065269175798%
Percent Error Punchline:258.8170865279299%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:45.812033031852145%
----Setup----
 Monica, Tony, where you guys at? There you are.
----Punchline----
 Ladies and gentlemen… 


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:92.33189146677154%
----Setup----
 …Monica and Tony Sanchez.
 When I say they were my first fans, they were my first, they would come out… I used to perform in her garage.
 And she’ll tell you.
 Oh, yeah.
----Punchline----
 Right next to the Ford.


Similarity Score:0.55
Percent Error Setup:81.57455931395903%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.55171057805741%
----Setup----
 They were the first ones.
 They were the first ones to come see me perform at a little dive– hole-in-the-wall inside of a casino in California.
 And, um… You know, to have met these people so many years ago and they’d come out, she would tell me with her husband, “You were so funny, we’ll be back next week.”
 I’m like, “But it’s the same 5-minute show.”
 She goes, “You’re funny, we’ll bring more people.
 We’ll bring more people.
 She was my first fan club.
----Punchline----
 She would get friends and bring them out to the show.


Similarity Score:0.3157894736842105
Percent Error Setup:55.02024773701763%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:51.43531262288635%
----Setup----
 And she has pictures of me in that garage.
----Punchline----
 I wish you wouldn’t put them online, but you do.


Similarity Score:0.6666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.26464805348014%
----Setup----
 But I just wanted to say thank you, guys, and I’m glad you could be here tonight.
----Punchline----
 Twenty years doing this, so I think it’s only right that tonight we close this show the way that the first one began.


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:90.24535493091949%
Percent Error Punchline:139.21139101861993%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.52929610696027%
----Setup----
 I get pulled over one night two minutes after coming out of a Krispy Kreme drive-thru.
 You better still laugh, Houston! I made a left turn instead of making a right turn but I wasn’t paying attention ’cause I had a box, right? I was like, “You’re going to get it when you get home, you’ve been so bad! So bad! [screams]
 Gonna get it!”
 I’m not paying attention, I go the wrong way.
 [mimics car turning]
 Sure enough… 
[mimics siren chirping]
 Oh! [tires screech]
 Later.
 [mumbling]
 The officer is taking forever.
 I said, “Forget this, he’s taking too long.”
 I grab my box, I put it on my lap.
----Punchline----
 I flipped it open.


Similarity Score:0.22608695652173913
Percent Error Setup:40.388280133396854%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:41.211167911915055%
----Setup----
 Hmm… 
[shrieks]
 And just as I was about to tear it up, the officer gets to the window.
 “You know why I stopped you?”
 It was too easy.
 -I said, “‘Cause you could smell it!”
----Punchline----
 -[crowd]


Similarity Score:0.6842105263157895
Percent Error Setup:80.49070986183897%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:80.57412504915455%
----Setup----
 Keep going! [crowd exclaims]
 -Houston, keep going! -[crowd]
----Punchline----
 Yeah! I should have started the show like this, okay? Um, I bought a Volkswagen Beetle about seven years ago.


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:95.12267746545973%
Percent Error Punchline:109.30996714129245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.66378293354306%
----Setup----
 And when you buy a new car, you want to show it off, whether it’s brand new or just new to you.
 So I take my car to my friend Martin’s house.
 You’ve seen Martin.
 Very real.
 I pull up.
 [mimics tires screeching]
----Punchline----
 I yell out the window, -Mar– -[crowd, in unison]


Similarity Score:0.5925925925925926
Percent Error Setup:76.15531205335874%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:72.3948092803775%
----Setup----
 [whooping]
----Punchline----
 You don’t need me anymore.


Similarity Score:1.0
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.91034211561148%
----Setup----
 That’s freaking awesome! Thank you.
 Love you, too.
 Hold on, hold on.
 I forgot the joke.
----Punchline----
 Hold on.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:90.7872796569795%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.77585528902871%
----Setup----
 I know how it starts and I know how it ends.
----Punchline----
 I’m just not used to starting from the middle.
----Tagline(s)----
 That’s what she said.


Similarity Score:0.37037037037037035
Percent Error Setup:93.49690328727965%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:468.75%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:86.19740464018875%
----Setup----
 Stop.
 You deserve better than that.
 Um… Martin… lives in a bad neighborhood.
 I don’t get out of the car.
 Across the street from his house live these gang members, the kind of gang members who don’t really hurt anybody.
----Punchline----
 They just talk a lot of trash and watch Frozen.


Similarity Score:0.9411764705882353
Percent Error Setup:78.32301095759885%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:73.92843098702319%
----Setup----
 And I pull up in a Beetle.
 [mimics tires screeching]
 [all in unison]
 Martin! Across the street, I hear… 
----Punchline----
[all in unison]
----Tagline(s)----
 -Someone said, “That’s what she said.”


Similarity Score:0.375
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
 Hey, hey.
 [clicks tongue]
 Ah! I turn around.
 “Hey, what’s up, you guys? How’s it going?”
 “How did you get in there, ese?”
 “Hurry up, Martin!”
 A couple of months go by.
 I fix up the car.
 I put racing rims on it, some stickers.
 I put little chip in the motor to make it go faster.
 Two hundred and fifty horsepower Volkswagen Beetle.
 The car is bad.
 I pull up.
 [mimics driving, tires screeching]
 [engine revving]
----Punchline----
 -[horn honking]


Similarity Score:0.2962962962962963
Percent Error Setup:57.72987136731778%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:58.59221392056626%
----Setup----
 [all in unison]
 Martin! [all in unison]
----Punchline----
 Órale! Some of you are drunk.


Similarity Score:0.5333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:95.66460219151978%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:92.33189146677154%
----Setup----
 This is what I just heard.
 I heard… “Órale!”
 “Le!”
 Keep up! I know it’s Mexicans too.
 I hear the accent.
 I hear that– [mumbles indistinctly mocking Mexican accent]
----Punchline----
 Even the white people are like, “Hello! It’s odalay.”


Similarity Score:0.2
Percent Error Setup:83.74225821819914%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.55171057805741%
----Setup----
 “Get it together.”
 Keep up! -Eh.
 -[crowd]
 Eh.
 [all in unison]
 Eh.
 [all in unison]
 Yoo-hoo! “What?”
 [all in unison]
----Punchline----
 “Check it out, eh, it’s the Fat and the Furious!”


Similarity Score:0.3125
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
 I heard you.
 You guys were saying the joke with me like it was a song.
----Punchline----
 Like it was the Mexican version of Freebird.


Similarity Score:0.6153846153846154
Percent Error Setup:90.7872796569795%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:86.70861187573732%
----Setup----
 Keep going! [crowd roars]
 Keep going! [crowd roars]
 Chills.
----Punchline----
My son Frankie, when he graduated from high school, I was very, very proud of him and I was very excited.


Similarity Score:0.45161290322580644
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:109.30996714129245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.1525756979945%
----Setup----
 I was allowed to leave him anywhere I wanted to.
 I can leave him in the front.
 I can leave him on the side.
 I can put him in the back.
 I can make him walk.
 That wasn’t the case many years ago, when I was taking him to elementary school.
 And they had a designated drop-off area on the side of the school, where they had cones in the middle of the street.
 They had a supervisor there with a walkie-talkie and a whistle to make sure that your kids would get out of the car safely and onto the school grounds.
 One day we’re late because the night before I had a big show like this one.
 And people brought me chocolate cakes.
 And I took the cakes home and my son killed one of the cakes.
 And the next day, the cake… 
[mimics stomach rumbling]
----Punchline----
 …killed Frankie.


Similarity Score:0.7651006711409396
Percent Error Setup:20.878989995235823%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:23.83012190326386%
----Setup----
 Oh, it was bad.
----Punchline----
 [mimics high-pitched fart]
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:97.29037636969986%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:94.88792764451436%
----Setup----
 Same joke.
 We get to the school.
 There’s no longer supervisor, no walkie-talkie, no whistle, the gate’s locked.
 I said, “I’m not leaving my kid here.”
 I’m going to drop him off in front.
 And I guess I wasn’t supposed to do that and I didn’t know, and at the time, I didn’t really care.
 We pull up.
 [mimics car driving, tires screeching]
 “Go.”
 “I’m not supposed to get off here.”
 “You’re late.
 Go.”
 [groans]
 And he cracks the door.
 And as soon as his foot hits the curb, here comes the principal.
 And I know who it is, ’cause he’s freaking out, right? He’s like… 
[whispering]
 “It’s the principal!”
 “Dude, relax.
----Punchline----
 I’m 32, I don’t give a damn!”


Similarity Score:0.2833333333333333
Percent Error Setup:39.3044306812768%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:38.65513173417224%
----Setup----
 Here comes the principal and she’s doing this one.
 [high-pitched voice]
 “Sir! Sir! Sir, this is not the designated drop-off area.
 Please take your child to the other side of the school.
 You cannot leave him here.”
 I was like, “Watch this.”
 Señora, no sé lo que esta diciendo.
 Aqui estoy dejando a mi hijo.
 El no se levantó a la mañana.
 It’s not my fault.
 Yo no sé.
 “That’s how you do it, homeboy.
 That’s how you do it.”
 That principal was awesome because she was like, [American accent]
 Usted no puede dejar su hijo aqui.
 Okay? [American accent]
 Saca la vuelta al otro lado de la escuela.
 Okay? [all in unison]
 Allá, si, si.
 Aqui, no, no.
 [all in unison]
 Allá, si, si.
 Aqui, no, no.
----Punchline----
 [all in unison]


Similarity Score:0.3007518796992481
Percent Error Setup:30.091710338256313%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:32.009437672040896%
----Setup----
 Monica, Tony.
 Twenty years ago, when I was in your garage, if you would’ve told me this was going to happen I’d have said you’re crazy.
 If you would have told me, “Twenty years from now people are going to come out and fill up arenas to see you.
----Punchline----
 They’re going to cheer for you, and they’re going to finish your jokes… in Houston, Texas.”


Similarity Score:0.3283582089552239
Percent Error Setup:72.90376369699857%
Percent Error Punchline:69.44140197152245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.74911521824617%
----Setup----
 I was here on my 21st birthday.
 I’ll never forget.
 Never forget it.
 And that’s the last time I drank in El Paso.
 Uh-huh.
 You guys don’t mess around.
 It was my birthday.
 I’m hanging out at the club, and they’re like, “It’s your birthday.”
 I’m like, “It’s my birthday.”
 “You want a drink?”
 “Sure.”
 So I started drinking and drinking and drinking.
 And then the staff was like, “Do you want to party?”
 I was like… 
[slurring]
 “I wanna party.”
 “You want to dance?”
 “I wanna dance.”
----Punchline----
I passed out, and I woke up at someplace called the O.P.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.39215686274509803
Percent Error Setup:51.76869938065746%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:47.8568619740464%
----Setup----
 I didn’t know it was an “alternative” night club.
 I’m from L.A.
----Punchline----
I thought O.P.stood for “Orale Pues”.



Similarity Score:0.3157894736842105
Percent Error Setup:92.95497856121962%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:90.28706252457727%
----Setup----
 And that is a messed up way to sober up, you know.
 I’m at the club.
 I’m dancing, you know.
 [beat-boxing]
 Hey.
----Punchline----
 [beat-boxing]


Similarity Score:0.72
Percent Error Setup:87.53573130061935%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:87.21981911128587%
----Setup----
 There was a little guy behind me going, “Pikachu.”
 He was like, “Yo tambien soy Pokemon.”
 No.
 Uh-uh.
 But it was kind of crazy.
 I was getting checked out by guys.
 I was like, “Oh, my God.”
 And I know they were checking me out, ’cause they were looking at me like I look at tacos.
 But then I thought about it.
 “Oh, my God, I just turned on a man.
 Shoot.”
 Man, I called my girlfriend.
 I said, “You better not mess up.
 I have options.”
 Uh-huh.
 I have memory.
 A few years back, I was doing a show at the Comic Strip, and my idol, Mr.
 Paul Rodriguez, was in town doing a benefit.
 He calls up the Comic Strip, and he says, he says, “Hey, listen, I’m doing a benefit up the street.
 “Y sabes que, vato? “I’m gonna come down there, and I want to do some shots.
 Some tequila, some tacos.”
 I’m like, “Let’s do it.”
 He shows up to the club, and he says, “All right, get in the car.
 Let’s go.”
 “Where are we going?”
 “We’re going to Juarez.”
 “Juarez? Let’s eat some tacos here.”
 “I can’t afford you here.
 Let’s go to the other side.”
 [makes engine noise]
 So we wind up on the other side, and we wound up killing some tacos, and, you know, we wound up crossing the border.
 And when we crossed the border, it was a few months after I taped a bunch of water commercials here.
 You guys remember the water commercials? Yeah, and then they pulled me off the advertising because they said I was too fat to sell water.
 Whatever.
 So we’re crossing the border, and Immigration was right there, and they’re checking the cars, and we’re in a blue van.
 My buddy Jim, who’s sitting over there, was driving, and Border Patrol comes over to the window, and he goes— he opens the door and he sees me.
 He goes, “Oh, my God.
 It’s you.
 You’re hysterical.
 And I go, “What do you think of this guy?”
 And Paul was like, “Hey, what’s up?”
 And the guy was like, “Oh, my God.”
 So we wound up taking pictures at the border.
 And it was so funny, ’cause we’re outside the car, and we’re pretending to be arrested, right? People are driving by going, “Let Paul Rodriguez and Pikachu go!”
----Punchline----
 They’re American! Let ’em go!”


Similarity Score:0.13399503722084366
Percent Error Setup:115.14411624583134%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:106.01651592607158%
----Setup----
 It was priceless.
 We crossed the border, and Paul was like, “I want to go hang out and have a good time.”
----Punchline----
 He went to this place off the 1 0 called Jaguars.


Similarity Score:0.8
Percent Error Setup:87.53573130061935%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:82.10774675580024%
----Setup----
 It’s a “male,” you know, gentleman’s club, whatever you want to call it.
 So we go in there, and I’m like, “Oh, my God.”
 As soon as we walked in, I’m like— I’m thinking Paul’s gonna be all like, “Shh, I don’t want nobody to know I’m here.”
 Goes over to the DJ, and the DJ’s like, “All right, ladies, look who just walked in: Paul Rodriguez!”
 All of a sudden, there’s, like, 32 lap dances that stop like that.
 And all these girls, they bum-rush Paul.
 And I’m like, “Wow, I got to get funnier.”
 So we’re hanging out there for a couple of hours.
 So we wind up outside in the parking lot, And this girl jumped into the car, and she’s like, “Oh, my God, Paul Rodriguez.
 “I love you.
 My mama’s a huge fan too.
 Here.
 Please, please, please.”
 And he, “Whatever, whatever, okay, come here, come here.”
 “Here, please, talk to her on the phone.”
 “Ora.”
 He looks at me in the front seat, and he goes, “Hey, tu, Iglesias.
 Here, be me.”
 He put me on the phone with the girl’s mom.
 I’m like, “Hey, senora.
 How you doing? “Yeah, you know, uh… “your daughter, she’s a real angel.
 Yeah.
----Punchline----
 That’s what they call her here.”


Similarity Score:0.2897196261682243
Percent Error Setup:12.178418294425917%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:9.398348407392843%
----Setup----
 Yeah, man, I love Paul.
 Like I said, Paul’s the… you know, one of the main reasons why I got into comedy.
 And he used to mess with me a lot; trust me.
 In my last special, I talked about how I had a Volkswagen Beetle.
 It was a true story.
 I really had a Beetle.
 And I got rid of it because I got tired of the fat jokes.
 When you’re a fluffy guy and you have a little car and all of your friends are professional comedians… oh, they’ll make you cry.
 Paul, especially.
 “How the hell did you manage to squeeze inside of that? “Hombre, I have never seen a car expand before “while someone was inside of it.
 “How do you get a stretch mark on the windshield? “That’s what I want to know.
 When you fart, does it go faster?”
 One after another after another.
 I’m like, “Oh, my God.”
 And you know what it is? It’s Karma.
 ‘Cause ten years ago, I did a joke about Paul Rodriguez on TV.
 I used to be on a show on the Nickelodeon Network called AII That.
 Some of you remember? Yeah? That was me, a lot smaller.
 I was only two X’s.
 I was a dos equis.
 Yeah.
 Anyway, as soon as the TV show season was over, they gave all the cast members gifts.
 They gave this one girl a TV, this one kid a DVD collection.
 Since I was the only one who had his own car, they gave me a car alarm with a remote start to it.
 A lot of cars have those now, but think back ten years ago.
 There was only a few that had the… 
[imitates alarm beeping, car engine starting]
 My friends went, “Where’d you get that?”
 I looked at them, and I said… “Nickelodeon!”
 “That’s bad!”
 I go to show it off to everybody.
 I show it to my mom, I said, “Mom, go to the car.
 I got to use the bathroom.
 I left you a present.”
 [gasps]
 “Un present, okay!”
 So she goes to the car, and I started the car from the kitchen.
 [imitates alarm beeping, car engine starting]
 ” El diablo! El diablo! El diablo!”
 I had to run outside.
 “Mom, it’s not the devil.
 Lookit, lookit, lookit.”
 [imitates alarm beeping, car engine starting]
 “Nickelodeon!”
 “Oh, my God, mijo.
 Oh, my God, you scared me.”
 Me sacastes un pedo, mijo.
 “Oh, my God, mira.
 Smell, smell, smell.
 Smell, mijo, smell.
 ” I wind up doing a show in Hollywood at a comedy club, and I’m working with my idol, with Paul Rodriguez.
 Soon as the show was over, we go—you know, we’re walking out the door, and he walks up to me and he says, “You know, I like the whole fluffy thing you do.
 “It’s catchy.
 Sounds cute.
 Keep eating.”
 We walk outside, and my car is parked there first because I showed up late.
 So I’m—you know, my car’s right there and Paul walks by.
 “All right, take it easy.”
 He walks right in front of my car.
 And my friend goes, “Dude, show him your car.
 Show him Nickelodeon.”
 And I couldn’t help it, you know, freakin’… 
[imitates alarm beeping, car engine starting]
 “Hey! Hijole!”
 What the hell? What is this?”
 “Paul!”
 “Nickelodeon!”
 “Hombre, cabron pinche, Fluffy, you gave me a heart attack.
 You take it easy.”
 Valet brings his car around, a brand-new Porsche 91 1.
 The car was nice.
 You know, it pulls up.
 [imitates roaring engine]
 Valet gives him the keys.
 He turns around and looks at me.
 “Hey, tu, Fluffy.
 Check it out.”
 I’m like, “Whatever.
 It’s not Nickelodeon.”
 [imitates car alarm beeping]
 The door pops open.
 [imitates whirring, beeping]
 Trunk.
 [imitates whirring]
 “I’m not through yet.”
 [imitates alarm beeping, car engine starting]
 [imitates engine revving]
 [imitates car horn playing “La Cucaracha”]
 [imitates beeping]
----Punchline----
 “HBO.”


Similarity Score:0.1259600614439324
Percent Error Setup:251.70914721295853%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:232.7959103421156%
----Setup----
 A lot has changed, El Paso.
 A lot has changed.
----Punchline----
 One thing’s for sure; I’m still the fluffy guy.


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:94.03882801333968%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.26464805348014%
----Setup----
 And I say “fluffy” ’cause that is the politically correct term.
 For those of you that don’t remember, I used to say that there were five levels of fatness.
 Reason why I say “used to say” is because now there are six.
 Uh-huh.
 I met the new one in Las Cruces.
 The original five levels are big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn! People ask, “What could be bigger than damn?”
----Punchline----
 The new level’s called, “Oh, hell, no!”


Similarity Score:0.22784810126582278
Percent Error Setup:61.52334444973797%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:59.614628391663395%
----Setup----
 What’s the difference? You’re still willing to work with level five.
 Example: If you’re on an elevator and you’re with your friend, and this really big guy gets on and you and your friend look at each other, and you’re like, “Damn!”
 But you still let the big guy ride your elevator.
 That’s the difference.
 Level six, you see walking towards your elevator.
 [deep grunting]
 “Oh, hell, no!”
 [rumbling]
 “No!”
 [rumbling]
 “No! No!”
 That’s the difference.
 The guy that I met was 6″8′, 614 pounds.
 [audience gasping]
 Uh-huh, “Aw, hell, no.”
 And he was offended at my show, not by anything that I said but because of the fact that now, at the shows, I started selling T-shirts, and, apparently, I didn’t have his size.
 Keep in mind, I go all the way up to 5X on the T-shirts, and he was like… 
[in deep, raspy voice]
 “You don’t have my size.”
----Punchline----
 I was like, “Dude, I didn’t know they made you.”


Similarity Score:0.25609756097560976
Percent Error Setup:17.085516912815628%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:16.162013370035393%
----Setup----
 I have up to 5X, I don’t have [growls]
 “X” with a picture of a dinosaur on the back of the tag, you know.
 No.
 And by the way, you guys, I want to let you know now here in this theater and all over the world, wherever anybody’s watching this special, if you ever see me in public, either at a restaurant or at a hotel or anywhere, and you want to stop me and say hello or take a picture or anything, please.
 I welcome it and it’s an honor if you were to do that.
----Punchline----
 I do not mind at all.


Similarity Score:0.41509433962264153
Percent Error Setup:46.34945212005717%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:45.812033031852145%
----Setup----
 Stop me anytime you want.
 I’m the same person.
 The same guy.
 Thank you.
 Seriously, the same guy you see now is the same guy you’d see outside.
 I don’t change, you know.
 You’re not gonna walk up and go, “Gabriel, can I talk to you?”
 I’m not going to be like, “Be gone from me.
 “Gabriel is my stage name.
 I’m not even Mexican; I’m Scandinavian.”
 No, trust me, I’m the same pendejo you’ll see outside.
 I don’t mind.
 I love it, you guys, trust me.
 You guys make it possible for me to have an incredible life and take care of my family, so I’m all for it.
 Not a problem.
 Trust me, right now it’s so crazy ’cause I’m still adjusting to people walking up to me.
 I’m checking into the hotel, and they already knew me, which was crazy.
 I go like, “Uh, hi, I’m checking in.”
 “Here’s your key, sir.”
 “But, um, um…” “We know it’s you, sir.”
----Punchline----
 I’m like, “Ah!”


Similarity Score:0.30952380952380953
Percent Error Setup:11.124344926155311%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:14.117184427841131%
----Setup----
 You know, I think that’s awesome.
 I needed that, like, six years ago.
 One time, I was trying to check into a hotel in Chicago at 1:00 in the morning because I missed my flight.
 Nobody’s at the front desk, just the little bell and a sign that said “Ring for service.”
 So there I am.
 Ching.
 Ching, ching.
 Ching.
 Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching.
 Ching, ching.
 Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching.
 All of a sudden, I heard this.
 “I hear the bell.”
 All of a sudden, this lady came out.
 [exhales]
 “Are you the one ringing that damn bell? What the hell you want?”
 “Um, I’m checking in.”
 “You know what time it is? It’s tomorrow.”
 “I know, I missed my flight.”
 “Mm-hmm, whatever you say.”
 [exhales]
 “What’s going on out there?”
 “Girl, you got to see this.
 “I got a big-ass Mexican showing up late as hell.
 Okay.”
 [imitates typing]
 “What’s your name?”
 “My name is Gabriel Iglesias.”
 ‘”E’-glesias?”
 “Yes, Iglesias.”
 “Okay, ‘E’-glesias, okay, E-G-L-I…” “No, no, no, no, it’s Iglesias with an ‘I.”
‘ “With an ‘I’? “But you said ‘E’…glesias.
 “You didn’t say ‘I’-glesias.
 You said ‘E’…glesias.”
 “It’s Iglesias with an ‘I.”
‘ “Mm-hmm, whatever you say.
 It’s your damn name.
 “Okay? Mr.
 Iglesias with an ‘I.”
‘ [exhales]
 “You know, that’s bad for you.”
 “Oh, this right here? My grandmamma lived to be 1 00 years old.”
 “Smoking?”
 “Minding her own damn business.
 Okay? “Mr.
 Iglesias with an ‘I.
’ “Okay, I found you in the system.
 I got you for two nights, full-size bed, non-smoking.”
 “I requested a queen-size bed.”
 “And you would have got a queen “if you’d have been here yesterday, “but it’s tomorrow and you’re lucky I’m talking to you, “Mr.
 Iglesias with an ‘I.
’ What’s the ‘I’ stand for— ‘I need a bigger bed’?”
 “What’s going on out there?”
 “Girl, you got to see this.
 Nacho Libre is trippin’.”
 “Whatever.
 Give me a hard time.”
 A lot has changed, though, man.
----Punchline----
 For those of you that don’t know by now, I finally became a dad.


Similarity Score:0.20869565217391303
Percent Error Setup:78.83515959980943%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.36649626425482%
----Setup----
 Yeah.
 Thank you.
 Hell, yeah.
----Punchline----
 He’s ten.


Similarity Score:0.4444444444444444
Percent Error Setup:96.74845164363984%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.39913488006292%
----Setup----
 Surprised me too.
 Yeah, they found me.
 And it’s not what you think.
 I didn’t discover that I had a lost child.
 It’s just that I hooked up with a beautiful woman who had a pre-started family, so basically I became a stepfather.
 You know, I just took over the payments.
 Best part for me is that my new son looks exactly like me.
----Punchline----
 He’s fluffy too.


Similarity Score:0.34782608695652173
Percent Error Setup:64.77489280609814%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:64.72670074714904%
----Setup----
 Ten years old, 1 62 pounds.
----Punchline----
 Yeah, he’s a little— damn.


Similarity Score:0.3076923076923077
Percent Error Setup:96.20652691757981%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.35430593786866%
----Setup----
 And he’s the cutest kid.
 You talk to him— his name is Frankie— like, “Frankie, what do you like to do?”
 “I like microwave burritos and PlayStation.”
 “Me too.”
 Only problem is he wakes up early, 5:00 every morning.
 [knocking]
 [in squeaky voice]
 “Gabriel.”
 “What?”
 “I’m hungry.”
 “Me too.
 Make something.”
 And he does.
 I can hear him in the kitchen making Hot Pockets, you know, freaking— [beeping]
 [whirring]
 [beeps]
----Punchline----
 And he opens the door and doesn’t close it, and the whole house freaking— [sniffs]


Similarity Score:0.2988505747126437
Percent Error Setup:61.52334444973797%
Percent Error Punchline:59.47426067907996%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:55.52497050727487%
----Setup----
 ♪ Hot Pocket ♪ Delicious, oh.
 Oh, my God, and he’s so cute because right now he’s going through puberty, and I think it’s hysterical.
 His mom doesn’t think so.
 She’s like, “No.”
 I go, “Yeah, I caught him checking out a girl.”
 “How do you know?”
 “I was looking at her too.”
 She was hot! And I told my girl, I said, “Baby, don’t worry.
 “If he has any questions, I’ll be the man.
 I’ll take care of it.”
 ‘Cause I went through puberty at ten.
 And she’s like, “Oh, thank you.”
 I said, “Don’t worry, I took care of it.
 “You know, hey, I went through puberty at ten.
 I understand.”
 Plus, I had cable, so it was hardcore, you know.
 You know, what’s the difference now is that now you can program channels not to work.
 You couldn’t do that 20 years ago.
 You couldn’t block a kid unless you stayed up.
 My mom knocked out at 1 0:00, and right around 1 1:45… “The following program has not been rated “by the Motion Picture Association of America.
 “Due to its graphic sexual content, viewer discretion is advised.”
 [shrieks]
 I was ten years old; I lost my mind.
 I’m sitting on that couch; all of a sudden… 
[beatboxing sultry music]
 [in deep, sexy voice]
 “Are you ready? Uh-huh, oh, yeah.”
 [in squeaky voice]
 “Yeah.”
 “Oh, yeah.”
 “Yeah.”
 “Are you ready?”
 “I’m done.”
 And you know what’s crazy is, I know it’s happening at my house now ’cause one night I heard… 
[in squeaky voice]
----Punchline----
 “Yeah.”


Similarity Score:0.12307692307692308
Percent Error Setup:39.816579323487375%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:32.91388124262682%
----Setup----
 “What’s he doing?”
 “Becoming a man.”
 And I was curious.
 I’m like, “I wonder what he’s watching,” so I started flipping through my channels, trying to find something that would “spark interest.”
 Sure enough, he’s watching Cinemax.
 Uh-huh, and I know that’s what he’s watching.
----Punchline----
 That guy’s clapping— hell, yeah.


Similarity Score:0.38461538461538464
Percent Error Setup:75.07146260123868%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:73.41722375147464%
----Setup----
 Cochino— yeah, I know.
 I know that’s what he’s watching because out of my TV, I’m getting direct sound, and then I’m getting, like, a little delayed echo down the hall.
 You know, so it’s like… 
[moaning]
 [distant moan]
 [in deep, sexy voice]
 “Yeah.”
 [distantly]
 “Yeah.”
 [moaning echoes]
 [in man’s voice]
 “Yeah.”
 [in squeaky voice]
 “Yeah.”
 I saw him the next morning.
 I said, “What were you doing last night?”
 “I was playing Nintendo.”
 “Yeah, whatever.
 You were playing ‘whee’.”
 And now he’s like… 
[sighs]
 Uh-huh, whatever, dude.
 Anyway, I know I’m sweating up here.
 The whole front row— you guys are like, “It smells like carnitas.
 He smells delicious.”
 Oh, big guys, I don’t know what it is.
 When we get hot, we smell like food.
 We should have our own cologne, huh? “From the makers of Tres Leches…” [spraying]
 “What’s that smell?”
 “Taco.”
 I’m a dork, I know.
 People ask me about the voices all the time.
 They’re like, “Do you do that just on stage, or do you do that in public too?”
 Like, no, of course I do the voices in public.
 I have to make myself laugh.
 You know, I like doing the voices in places where people can’t see me.
 Like drive-throughs.
 Oh, I’m evil at a drive-through, man, except the one by my house ’cause they know me.
 I mean, they really know me.
 I could show up at 2:00 in the morning or 2:00 in the afternoon, you know.
 [whirring, brakes screeching]
 “Welcome to McDonald’s.
 How can I help you?”
----Punchline----
 “Yeah, let me have…” “Pull up.”


Similarity Score:0.3007518796992481
Percent Error Setup:40.358504049547406%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:35.98112465591821%
----Setup----
 “I didn’t order.”
----Punchline----
 “Gabriel, pull up.”


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.91034211561148%
----Setup----
 Whatever.
 Other places I’ve had fun—IHOP.
 Look at some of you— “IHOP? ” Yeah, let me explain this one.
 Next time you go to an IHOP, look for the podium.
 Usually on the weekends, they’ll have the podium set up right at the front door, and when you walk in, they’ll have a host and they’ll ask you, “How many in your party?”
 And you tell them two, three, four, whatever the case, and then when it’s time for your seats, they’ll call you with the little freaking— you know, they got the microphone on the side of the wall, and they’ll go, “Paging party of four, paging party of four, now serving.”
 When that party walked away, I grabbed her microphone and I said, “Paging Mexican party of 47, Mexican party of 47, now serving.”
 And the whole restaurant was like… All the guys in the kitchen.
 ” Orale guey!”
 Hell, yeah.
 I love IHOP.
 I go too much, you guys.
 I was at an IHOP one time during an earthquake.
 Wasn’t a big one.
 It was enough to feel it, but not freak out, you know.
 I live in California, so we get ’em a lot.
 But if you’re not used to that, you’re all… 
[screaming]
 “Earthquake!”
 You know, and I’m sitting there.
----Punchline----
 I just rode it out, you know.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.21333333333333335
Percent Error Setup:17.055740828966176%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:15.021627998427057%
----Setup----
 [sighs]
 Freaking earthquakes, man.
 You gotta choose which one you want, you know.
 Do you want earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, fires, floods? I live in California.
 I’ll take the earthquakes.
 You could sleep through ’em.
 You know, and then whenever they happen, you never believe it’s an earthquake.
 You’re like, “Is that an earthquake or a big truck?”
 Seriously, you’ll be like… 
[groaning]
 [mimicking truck horn]
----Punchline----
 [screams]
----Tagline(s)----
 Smell, smell, smell, smell.


Similarity Score:0.32432432432432434
Percent Error Setup:64.2329680800381%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:468.75%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:62.170664569406206%
----Setup----
 [sighs]
 But, seriously, you can go to work and people are talking about how they were sleeping, you know.
 “Did you feel that tremor last night?”
 [yawning]
 You can’t sleep through a tornado or a hurricane.
 And I said that down South, and people were like, “Yeah, you can.”
 I said, “Not if it hits your house.”
 I’ve never seen that interview, you know.
 “Sir, what happened to your home?”
 [in Southern accent]
 “I don’t know what happened.
 “See, I woke up this morning, “and that son of a bitch was flipped over.
 “It’s the darnedest thing.
 “You know, I got a truck in the tree, “my dog is down the street, I can’t find my wife, “but that’s for a whole nother reason altogether.
 I was asleep.”
 “Sir, you were asleep?”
 “Damn right, I was asleep.
 “I got me one of them Tempur-Pedics over there.
 “Get ‘er done.
----Punchline----
 That’s what I’m saying right there.”


Similarity Score:0.34394904458598724
Percent Error Setup:18.71129109099571%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:19.740464018875343%
----Setup----
 Whoo! [whistling]
 I love that impression, you guys.
 I love doing that.
 Every time I do it, somebody’s like, “Hey, that’s the redneck cable guy.”
 Mexicans, be careful.
 ‘Cause we have rednecks too.
 We do.
 And they sound exactly like the white ones.
 You guys are real quiet, huh? You don’t believe me? Watch this.
 White redneck: “I tell you what.”
----Punchline----
 Mexican redneck: “Sabes que, guey.”


Similarity Score:0.3235294117647059
Percent Error Setup:66.40066698427822%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.23790798269759%
----Setup----
 [whistling]
 Uh-huh.
 White redneck: [imitating banjo]
----Punchline----
 Mexican redneck— we put words and moves to that.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:96.20652691757981%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:90.79826976012583%
----Setup----
 Same guy.
 So be careful, man.
 [sighs]
 I had to take it easy with the voices once I got with my girlfriend.
 She, uh—she used to think it was cute, but then, you know, I scared her.
 One night we’re in the room, and she’s like, “Ooh, what are you gonna do to me?”
 And I was like, [in shrill voice]
 “You’re gonna get it!”
 [mimicking thumps]
 “Stop doing that!”
 [mimicking demonic laugh]
 Yeah.
 We used to role play.
 We used to play White House.
 Oh, that was so much fun back in the day.
 I’d wake her up at 3:00 in the morning.
 She’s like, “Who is it?”
 I was like… 
[mimicking Bill Clinton]
----Punchline----
 “You know who it is.”


Similarity Score:0.3442622950819672
Percent Error Setup:37.13673177703669%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:37.63271726307511%
----Setup----
 “Ay, Senor, I don’t speak English.”
 [mimicking Bill Clinton]
----Punchline----
 Hell, yeah.


Similarity Score:0.6153846153846154
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.35430593786866%
----Setup----
 That’s about as political as I get now, you guys.
 You know, things change.
 People ask me, “Do you get political?”
 I’m like, “No, not really,” you know.
 “What’s your take on Barack?”
 I’m like, “Well, he’s, you know, “he’s a lot smarter than the last one.
 That’s for sure.”
----Punchline----
 I love his ass, man.


Similarity Score:0.3157894736842105
Percent Error Setup:72.36183897093854%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:70.86118757373181%
----Setup----
 Some people didn’t want Barack in office only because he was black.
 And I’m, like, how retarded— come on, you guys.
 You know, he’s Barack.
 He’s not Snoop Dogg.
 You know, it’s not like he’s going to come out, “Ladies and gentlemen, the president of the United States.”
 [beatboxing “Hail To The Chief”]
 ♪ Here we go again… ♪ [beatboxing continues]
 “Mr.
 President, Mr.
 President.”
 [mimicking Lil Wayne]
 Yeah-ya? No.
 Anyways, that’s as far as I’ll go with that.
 “He said he wasn’t gonna get political.”
 Yeah, I know.
 Gotta change that up, you guys.
 A lot of things are changing.
 A lot.
 Got the relationship now.
 It’s going good.
 I love my girlfriend.
----Punchline----
 She’s here in the house tonight too.


Similarity Score:0.42276422764227645
Percent Error Setup:37.67865650309671%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:37.12151002752655%
----Setup----
 It’s awesome.
 We rarely fight.
 And I think that’s so freaking cool.
 And I know why.
 It’s because I do this for a living.
----Punchline----
 Uh-huh, and she knows whatever we argue about will eventually end up right here.


Similarity Score:0.2
Percent Error Setup:86.45188184849928%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.55171057805741%
----Setup----
 It slows her down.
 You ought to see her.
 “You know what I think?”
 “Go ahead, say it, say it.”
 Uh-huh.
 Yeah.
 The only problem I have with my girl sometimes are her friends.
----Punchline----
 I don’t like her friends, ’cause they’re haters.


Similarity Score:0.7272727272727273
Percent Error Setup:81.032634587899%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:77.50688163586315%
----Setup----
 They are.
 Look, the guy’s clapping.
 Yeah, I know, man.
 It sucks.
 Every time I leave the house, and I go out of town for the weekend, they show up, and they start throwing little monkey wrenches in there, you know.
 [in female voice]
 “So he’s not here? “Where is he? How come you’re not with him? “What’s the story? What’s the deal? “How long have you been together now? “You’re not engaged? You’re not married? “What’s up? Is he gonna adopt Frankie? “What’s the word? What’s going on? “How come you don’t have a ring? “Norma has a ring and she’s a puta.
----Punchline----
 How come you don’t have a ring?”


Similarity Score:0.2831858407079646
Percent Error Setup:43.097903763697%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:42.23358238301219%
----Setup----
 So I’ll get these messed-up phone calls at, like, 2:00 in the morning when I’m the road, right.
 [mimics phone ringing]
 “Hello.”
 [mimics crying]
 “Baby?”
 “Yeah?”
 “Are you okay?”
 “Mm-hmm.”
 “What are you doing?”
 “Nothing.
 “I’m just here at the house, watching Cheaters.
 ” “Great.”
 Oh, wow, did you see that? I almost fell.
 Ooh! If I fall now, show’s over.
 [mumbling]
 Oh, my God.
 Yeah, there’ll be people outside.
 “We’re standing here live in front of the Plaza Theatre.
 “Where authorities believe Fluffy lost control.
 “Seven people were reported injured, “three were rushed to the hospital.
----Punchline----
 “Authorities had this to say, ‘Damn!”


Similarity Score:0.38095238095238093
Percent Error Setup:46.8913768461172%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:46.323240267400706%
----Setup----
 Whoo! Thank you.
 They’d be interviewing people.
 “Ma’am, what happened?”
 “It got dark.”
 “Sir, what did you see?”
 [mimics roaring, thud]
 “Se cayo Pikachu.”
 Yeah, l know.
 “He fell.”
 Uh-huh.
 But, no, anyways, let me finish to tell you what happened.
 So my girl started tripping out, and I start getting these weird phone calls.
 Finally, I got tired of it.
 I said, “You know what? I don’t need this.
 “You know, I don’t need it.
 “From now on when I take off on the road, no more phone calls.”
 – Yeah! – Look at that guy.
----Punchline----
 “Yeah!”


Similarity Score:0.36
Percent Error Setup:46.8913768461172%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:48.87927644514353%
----Setup----
 Uh-huh.
----Punchline----
 Whatever, dude.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:97.44396382225717%
----Setup----
 Anyway… Here’s the thing: I took my girl to the Apple store.
 And I got her an iPhone.
 I got myself one and I said, “From now on, we’re texting each other.”
 And believe it or not, she was cool with that, because anytime she would send me a text, I would reply like that.
 I could be anywhere.
 Freaking in the bathroom.
 Freaking… 
[mimics ding]
----Punchline----
 “What are you doing?”


Similarity Score:0.4444444444444444
Percent Error Setup:63.69104335397808%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:63.19307904050334%
----Setup----
 “I’m blowing it up! I love you.”
 Send.
 And she’d reply, “Oh, my God, me too.
 I love you!”
 It sounds so stupid, but it was working out perfectly until one night I got drunk.
 [audience oohs]
 Oh, you want to hear this? all: Yeah! – You want to hear this? all: Yeah! – So check this out.
 I’m leaving a comedy club in San Jose, California.
 And I’m walking back to my hotel room, which is one block away.
 As I’m walking, I pass in front of this bar on the corner called Cinebar.
 It’s got all kinds of cinema and movie memorabilia in there.
 Looks cool; I’m walking in front, and there are people in that bar that just left my show.
 So I walk in front, and I heard, “Fluffy! Hey, let me buy you a shot!”
----Punchline----
 I was like, “Well, you know, I don’t want to be rude.”


Similarity Score:0.45454545454545453
Percent Error Setup:23.588613625535967%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:21.27408572552104%
----Setup----
 Can’t have that, right? So I walked in.
 I said, “What’s—you know, I’m on way back to my room.
 I’ll just do a couple shots, whatever.”
 So you know, one shot and then somebody, “Me too.”
 “All right, me too.
 Vamonos.
 Let’s do it.”
 “Me three.”
 “Me four.”
 1 5 shots of tequila later… 
----Punchline----
[audience oohs]


Similarity Score:0.4482758620689655
Percent Error Setup:69.6522153406384%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:70.34998033818324%
----Setup----
 It occurs to me, “I think I should go.”
 I start walking towards the door.
 I took three steps, the cold air hit me.
 I got dizzy and I fell.
 Hard.
----Punchline----
 I know I fell hard, ’cause when I hit the ground I farted.


Similarity Score:0.2608695652173913
Percent Error Setup:82.65840876607908%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.48446716476602%
----Setup----
 [mimics fart]
 “Oh, my God, I farted!”
 My buddy Martin ran over, and he helped me up off the ground.
 “You okay, Gabriel?”
 [mumbling]
 We stumbled back to the hotel room, I sit down in the lobby, and I’m just like… 
[exhaling]
 “Are you okay, Gabriel?”
 “I’m okay, man.
 Where’s my phone? I gotta let my girl know I’m okay.”
 “You’re holding it.”
 “Oh, thank you, Martin.
 I love you.
 “I love you.
 You’re a good friend, man.
 You’re a good friend.”
 He goes, “What are you doing?”
 “I’m gonna text.”
 “Dude, just call her.”
 “No! “If I call her, she’s gonna know something’s up.
 “I’m gonna text her.
 Watch.
 “Baby, I made it back to the hotel.
 “I love you.
 Kissy-face.”
 Send.
 [mimics ding]
----Punchline----
 “How did it go?”


Similarity Score:0.22900763358778625
Percent Error Setup:31.717484516436397%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:33.031852143138025%
----Setup----
 “I farted! “I shouldn’t tell her that, huh, Martin? “Okay.
 It went good.”
 [mimics ding]
 Send.
 “What did you do after your show?”
 “Oh, here we go.”
 My buddy Martin is like, “Gabriel, man, Gabriel, don’t tell her— “don’t tell her you were at a bar getting drunk, man.
 Don’t tell her.”
 “Martin, I have to tell her the truth, bro.
 “We’re cool like that, man.
 “I can talk to her.
 “I can—I could tell her anything, man.
 “She’s not like your old lady, you know.
 Trippin’ all the time.”
 “Hey, Martin, take the pictures of the cochina off the internet.”
 “Whatever.”
 “Oh, I’m sorry, did I say that out loud? Forgive me, bro.”
 “Gabriel, lie.”
 “I can’t lie, man.”
 “Lie!”
 “I can’t lie!”
 “Are you that honest?”
 “No, I just won’t remember the lie.
 “Why get in trouble two times for the same stupid thing? You know what I’m saying, bro?”
 So I sent the message.
----Punchline----
 “Baby, I made it… Oh, delete, delete, delete.”


Similarity Score:0.3473053892215569
Percent Error Setup:14.375893282515484%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:14.628391663389696%
----Setup----
 “Baby, I went next door “with Martin to Cinebar.
 “Had a nice time.
 “Kissy face, kissy face.
 “Kissy face.
 Send.”
 [imitates cell phone chiming]
 “Lucky you.
 “Wish I could’ve been there with you.
 “Tell Martin I said hi.
----Punchline----
 I love you.”


Similarity Score:0.23255813953488372
Percent Error Setup:78.86493568365889%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.01808887141172%
----Setup----
 Oh, my God.
----Punchline----
 Martin, I just told my girlfriend I was at a bar with you, and she didn’t get mad.


Similarity Score:0.6956521739130435
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:89.37568455640745%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:88.24223358238301%
----Setup----
 Man, she told me to tell you hi.
 And she don’t even like you.
 So I scroll back to read what she read, and apparently, my stupid iPhone has this memory spell check feature, and it didn’t recognize the word, “Cinebar.”
 It flipped it and turned it into Cinnabon.
 So apparently, at 1 0:00 at night, my girlfriend thought I was having cinnamon rolls with my friend, Martin, which normally, would sound like an ugly lie, but considering her boyfriend is known as “the fluffy guy” who loves “chocolate cake,” it sounds real.
 I was like, “Oh, my God.
----Punchline----
 “Martin, check it out! My iPhone lied for me.”


Similarity Score:0.2
Percent Error Setup:45.80752739399714%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:43.76720408965789%
----Setup----
 I love you, iPhone! BlackBerry can’t do that.
 [cackling]
 A month later, my girlfriend heard me tell the story, and she’s like, “That’s a funny joke.”
 I go, “It really happened.”
 “How come you didn’t tell me?”
 I said, “The phone didn’t let me.”
 And her friends are right there.
 “See, he’s out there getting wasted, sending you messed-up texts.”
 “Whatever.
 Shut up, haters.”
 Yeah, a lot of things are going on.
 Um, in the house here tonight, you guys, I’m very happy she was able to make it.
 A lot has been going on.
----Punchline----
 My mom once again here at my special… is in here.


Similarity Score:0.35185185185185186
Percent Error Setup:47.97522629823725%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:44.78961856075501%
----Setup----
 Where you at, Ma? I know you’re out here.
----Punchline----
 Oh, there she is.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:92.33189146677154%
----Setup----
 Andale.
 She almost didn’t make it here tonight, you guys, almost.
 Uh, a month ago, my mom got admitted to the hospital.
 She got a little sick.
 Somebody forgot to take their medication, uh-uh.
 “I don’t need it pa’que… pa’que neces…ay, ay.”
 Yeah, uh-uh, remember that? Remember that? Right? Anyway, Mom… Sorry, I have to throw it at her so she makes sure she takes her medicine.
 Got to give my little shout-outs right now.
 Right here in the front row, you guys… if anybody saw my last DVD, in the bonus features, this gentleman right here, Freddy Franco— Fred Franco— has attended over 250 of my shows.
 Over 250 of my shows.
 In about five or six different states.
 At first, my girlfriend was like, “Psycho.”
 But he’s not— he’s cool.
 We’ve hung out with him.
 Just a—one of the greatest fans ever, and so I have to give him his props, you know.
 He, uh, took some time off of work to come out here.
 So thank you, Freddy.
 Man.
 Cabron, you’re die-hard.
 Please don’t ever turn psycho, please.
 ‘Cause I have some psychos out there.
 They’ll show up, and they’ll hang out by the car.
----Punchline----
 “Gabriel.”


Similarity Score:0.26865671641791045
Percent Error Setup:7.84302048594569%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:2.752654345261503%
----Setup----
 It’s funny because this is my— this is my third special.
 In the last special that I did, I did a bunch of references to police officers.
----Punchline----
 And they weren’t exactly flattering references or jokes.


Similarity Score:0.7027027027027027
Percent Error Setup:84.82610767031919%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:81.0853322847031%
----Setup----
 Apparently, they became fans in some weird way, because I started getting phone calls to do police functions.
 In December, I had five Christmas parties.
 I got a phone call from my agent.
 He’s like, “Gabe, check it out.
 “CHP, California Highway Patrol, wants to hire you to do a show.”
 I go, “Really? What does it pay?”
 “They want you to donate your time.”
 “I think I’m busy.”
 “They told me to let you know you have a warrant in the city of Fresno, California.”
 I’m like, “Oh, they’re good.”
 So I did the show.
 And I’m gonna tell you guys right now— I’m gonna tell you guys right now, it was one of the scariest shows I ever did.
 A room full of nothing but cops.
 Everybody’s drinking a lot.
 And I’m scared, because if they get ghetto, who do I call? You know, I got to go out in the parking lot and find some gang member.
 “Hey, back me up!”
 So the show went good.
 It went so good that they asked me to do another show in California, in San Diego, for the California Highway Patrol Border Division.
 And I tried to make up an excuse that my car wasn’t working right.
 They said, “No worries.
 We understand.”
 They sent a patrol car to my house with a freaking uniformed officer.
 And I was like, “Oh, my God.”
 Best part was I didn’t tell my family he was coming.
 Oh, yeah, sometimes you have to create your own entertainment.
 It was hysterical.
 5:00 rolled around.
 I’m like, “He should be here any minute.”
 Sure enough… 
[imitates doorbell ringing]
 “Frankie! Frankie, can you get the door, please?”
 “Okay, Gabriel.”
 So he goes to the door.
 Comes back, and he’s got, like—you know, he’s like… 
[whispering]
 “Gabriel.
 Gabriel, the police are here.”
 “Why are you whispering?”
 ‘”Cause something’s gonna happen.”
 When he said that, I’m like, “Oh, I got to freaking let him have it now, right?”
 I said, “Oh, my God, Frankie, they found me.”
 “What do you mean, Gabriel?”
 “I got to go, Frankie.
 I got to go.
 “Take care of your mom for me, okay? I love you.
 I love you.”
 “No!”
 “I got to go, Frankie.”
 And I saw the officer— I said, “Pretend you’re arresting me.
 I want to freak out my kid.”
 “No problem.
 Turn around and put your hands behind your back.”
 “I can’t reach.
 “Just hold my hand.
 “Walk me to the car.
 Just walk me to the car.
 “Come on, just walk me to the car.
 “He doesn’t know the difference, dude.
 “Just walk me to the freaking car.
 Come on.”
 I get to the cop car.
 He throws me in the backseat, right, and slams the door.
 And I ask him, “Is it okay if I yell out the window to freak out my kid?”
 “You want to use the microphone?”
 “Yeah!”
 Freaking… 
[imitates microphone feedback]
 “Here you go, sir.”
 And he hands me the microphone, and I said, “Frankie, this is the police.
 “We have your father.
 “We’re coming back for you in one hour.
 Do your homework.”
 [imitates siren warbling]
 [imitates car driving away]
 One minute later, my girlfriend calls me.
 “You’re an ass!”
 “What’s he doing?”
 “He’s doing his homework.”
----Punchline----
 “That’s called parenting, baby.”
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.14828209764918626
Percent Error Setup:196.43282515483565%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:182.69760125835626%
----Setup----
 He got even with me, though.
 He totally got even with me.
 I walked in the kitchen one morning.
 He’s sitting there, and he looks at me, and he goes, “Gabriel, I have a question for you.
 What’s a hooker?”
 [sternly]
 “What did you say?”
 “What’s a hooker?”
 “Where did you hear that?”
 “I was watching HBO, and there was a commercial “for a show called Hookers at the Point.
 “It said, ‘This Saturday at 1 1:30, “check out all the hookers.
’ What’s that mean?”
 “That means we’re going out Saturday.”
 “What’s a hooker?”
 “Let it go, dude.”
 “Tell me.”
 “You don’t need to know.”
 “Tell me.”
 “Frankie, that’s for adults.”
 “You said I was an adult.”
 “I said you eat like an adult.
 “And what you do in the bathroom, “you are grown up— trust me— but you don’t need to know what a hooker is.”
 He throws a fit in the kitchen.
 “Hooker! Hooker! Hooker! Hooker!”
 “What are you doing?”
 “Hooker!”
 He won’t stop.
 I don’t know what to do, so I snapped.
 “Quit it!”
 And he stopped.
----Punchline----
 And apparently, his mom heard that.


Similarity Score:0.26595744680851063
Percent Error Setup:1.911624583134825%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:3.893039716869838%
----Setup----
 Oh…my God, he went from being my son to my girlfriend’s little cub once again.
 And here she comes from the other side of the house, mama lion, to protect her little, you know… 
[mimics theme from The Lion King]
 [roaring]
 [imitating hoofbeats]
 I could see her coming.
 [screams]
 [roaring]
 “Why are you yelling at my baby?”
 Oh, my God.
 “He wants to know what a hooker is.”
 [crying]
 “And that’s why you’re yelling?”
 Tears, right? “You said, if he had any questions, he could come to you.”
 “I didn’t know he was going to ask me that.”
 “You said, ‘Don’t worry, baby.
 ‘”I’m the man.
 I’ll take care of it.”
‘ “Tell him.”
 “Are you serious?”
 “Tell him now.”
 [sighs]
 “Frankie, you want to know what a hooker is?”
 “Yeah.”
----Punchline----
 “Those are your mom’s friends.”


Similarity Score:0.35036496350364965
Percent Error Setup:29.007860886136257%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:29.96460872984664%
----Setup----
 [imitates car speeding away]
 They don’t like me anyway.
 At least now, when they come over to the house— “Frankie, who’s at the door?”
 “Hookers are here.”
 My buddies are like, “What did he say?”
 “Happy birthday.”
 [cackling]
 Oh, my God.
----Punchline----
 Noticing we got a soldier in the front row, man.


Similarity Score:0.4528301886792453
Percent Error Setup:77.2391615054788%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:72.90601651592607%
----Setup----
 Thanks for coming, man.
 What’s your name? I can see…yeah, I can read the last name, Fuentes, but what’s your name? What’s that? Ricardo.
 Ricardo… you’re in El Paso.
 “Ricardo, cabron.
 ” Save Ricardo for over there, okay? Okay? “Ricardo!”
 I want you to sound like you’re in one of those noveIas.
 “Who is it?”
 [suavely]
 “It’s Ricardo.”
 “Did you bring a pistola?”
 [imitates gun cocking]
 Sorry, man, I’m just giving you a tough time, man.
 But thank you for coming, man.
----Punchline----
 Thank you for what you do.


Similarity Score:0.26666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:55.02024773701763%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:53.99134880062918%
----Setup----
 Seriously, bro.
 I did a tour recently called “Around in the World in Eight Days.”
 We went to, uh, Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany, Turkey, uh, Greenland, Alaska, and Los Angeles.
 They had to drop me off.
 Iraq was crazy, you guys.
 When you land in Iraq, it’s not like landing here, you know, in El Paso, where the plane comes in… 
[imitates landing airplane]
 Over there, people take shots at the planes, so the plane comes in like this.
 Like that.
 And then, at the last minute… 
[imitates whooshing airplane]
 Caca.
 The whole plane smelled like chimichangas.
 It was terrible.
----Punchline----
 [groans]


Similarity Score:0.3137254901960784
Percent Error Setup:45.80752739399714%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:47.8568619740464%
----Setup----
 That, for me, was one of the scariest shows of my life, man.
 I’m in Iraq, middle of the night.
 Outside.
 No tent.
----Punchline----
 Pitch black, helicopter flying, and there’s a spotlight on me.


Similarity Score:0.5714285714285714
Percent Error Setup:86.99380657455931%
Percent Error Punchline:9.638554216867472%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:82.10774675580024%
----Setup----
 And I’m supposed to be funny.
 And I can hear… 
[imitates gunfire]
 [imitates rapid gunfire]
----Punchline----
 [imitates crying]


Similarity Score:0.631578947368421
Percent Error Setup:91.32920438303954%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:90.28706252457727%
----Setup----
 And the crazy part is that I saw a sign that was very familiar.
 They have Subways in Iraq.
 I was, like, “Is that? What is that? Is that? “It’s Subway.
 Oh, my God! Yeah!”
 I got back to my room.
 They have the stupid commercial there too, in their language.
 Oh, my God, I almost lost it.
 Same one.
----Punchline----
 Freaking… ♪ Hallel, hallel, hallel, hallel ♪ ♪ Hallel, hallel… ♪ [ululating]
----Tagline(s)----
 “Oh, my God, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off.”


Similarity Score:0.3181818181818182
Percent Error Setup:66.94259171033825%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:1227.0833333333335%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:55.01376327172631%
----Setup----
 It’s crazy, man.
 You know what was crazy, bro? When I was in Iraq, they wanted me to go to different bases, but they wouldn’t let me go because they have to provide you with a helmet and a bulletproof vest.
----Punchline----
 And apparently, the military does not have a Big and Tall.


Similarity Score:0.7037037037037037
Percent Error Setup:77.2391615054788%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:72.3948092803775%
----Setup----
 They put that 75-pound vest on me.
 It looked like a bulletproof bib.
 Like if somebody shoots my snack, I’m okay, you know? [imitates ricocheting]
 Oh, it stopped right here.
 I’m, like, “Oh, my God.”
 No, no, no, no.
 Uh-uh.
 No, man.
 We flew into Korea.
 That threw me off a little bit too.
 We go to check into the hotel, and it was kind of scary for me, because the phone had a big sticker on it that said, “Do not discuss classified information.
 Someone is always listening.”
 That’s freaky, ’cause I’m calling my girl back home, right? [imitates phone ringing, click]
 “Hello?”
 “Hey, baby.”
 “Oh, my God, where are you?”
----Punchline----
 “I can’t tell you.”


Similarity Score:0.2542372881355932
Percent Error Setup:38.76250595521677%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:39.677546205269365%
----Setup----
 “Oh, my God, I’m so worried.”
 “Don’t worry, baby.
 Everything’s cool.”
 “Oh, my God, I miss you so much.
 Where are you?”
 “I can’t tell you.”
 So I’m trying to give her clues, right? [hums Asian-themed tune]
 “Germany?”
 “What?”
 “I’m kidding.”
 “Oh, thank God, honey.”
 “I wish you were home.”
 “Why?”
 “If you were home right now, we’d be in the room.”
 “Really? What else?”
 “And we’d be laying on the bed.”
 “Check you out.”
 All of a sudden, I heard a voice that said… 
[male voice]
----Punchline----
 “What else would you do?”


Similarity Score:0.2765957446808511
Percent Error Setup:52.31062410671748%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:51.94651985843491%
----Setup----
 [man clears throat]
 “I’m sorry.
 Proceed.
 Proceed.”
 [imitates phone thumping on receiver]
 Blockers over there.
 But I enjoyed myself, you guys.
 I had a lot of fun.
 I made the reference to the police officers, and, you know, sometimes there’s problems everywhere.
 Cops used to mess with me a lot.
 That’s why I love getting recognized now.
 Now, they’re just, like, “Oh, it’s you.”
----Punchline----
 I’m like…[sighs]


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:64.77489280609814%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.23790798269759%
----Setup----
 That wasn’t the case six years ago.
 I did a theater show just like this one in the city of San Antonio.
 As soon as the show was over, “San Antone, ¿que paso?”
 As soon as the show was over, you know, I’m hanging out in the lobby, taking pictures and stuff.
 And then we go outside, and I get stopped in front of the theater in front of my own poster.
 How sad is that? You know, freakin’… 
[siren chirps]
 “What are you doing?”
 “Uh, standing.”
 “You have any ID?”
----Punchline----
 [whimpers]


Similarity Score:0.40425531914893614
Percent Error Setup:50.14292520247737%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:51.94651985843491%
----Setup----
 “Keep going.”
 “All right!”
 Oh! Now, uh-uh.
 Every chance I get to have fun with them, I will.
 Last time I got stopped, the cop came to the car all mean.
 “You know why I stopped you?”
----Punchline----
 I looked at him with a straight face, and I said, ‘”Cause I’m black.”


Similarity Score:0.41509433962264153
Percent Error Setup:79.40686040971892%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:72.90601651592607%
----Setup----
 “Ha, ha.
 Hell, yeah, man.
 What’s up, playa?”
----Punchline----
 He turned the flashlight on, you guys.
----Tagline(s)----
 “Get the hell out of here, stupid.”


Similarity Score:0.46153846153846156
Percent Error Setup:95.12267746545973%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:753.125%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:86.70861187573732%
----Setup----
 “Yay.
 Yay.”
 [imitates engine revving]
 Oh, and by the way, thank you to whoever brought the chocolate cakes in the back.
 I got them right before the show.
----Punchline----
 Thank you very much.


Similarity Score:0.5294117647058824
Percent Error Setup:84.28418294425917%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:82.6189539913488%
----Setup----
 Very cool.
 Mm-hmm, And somebody brought Chico’s Tacos too.
----Punchline----
 I thought that was great.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:91.82068423122296%
----Setup----
 Mm-hmm.
 Now, you guys here know what I’m talking about, but everybody that’s watching at home, they’re, like, “Chico’s Tacos? What the hell’s that?”
 It’s an El Paso tradition.
----Punchline----
 If you come to El Paso… 


Similarity Score:0.3157894736842105
Percent Error Setup:83.74225821819914%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:80.57412504915455%
----Setup----
 Just know that that’s, you know, that’s right here.
 That’s, you know… That’s the tradition in El Paso.
 I ran into people in other places like Chicago or New York.
 I’m, like, “Where you from?”
 “El Paso,” and I said, “Chico’s Tacos,” and they’re like… 
[gasps]
 Like, wow.
 Yeah.
 That’s hardcore.
 It is the craziest food I’ve ever tried, you guys.
 Craziest ever.
 Reason is, you know, they give you these little taquitos, and there’s, like, a sauce, and you pour it.
----Punchline----
 And, like, the taquitos float, and it absorbs and… I never thought I’d see the day where I could drink a taco.


Similarity Score:0.24528301886792453
Percent Error Setup:55.02024773701763%
Percent Error Punchline:129.24424972617743%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:45.812033031852145%
----Setup----
 Mm.
 Yeah.
 And you got to have that at the end of the night.
 Don’t try to freakin’ plan out events after going, you know.
 Don’t say, “Oh, we’re going to eat at Chico’s and then go to the movies.”
 No, don’t do that.
 Don’t do that.
 You’ll be sitting there, like, you know, “Hey, this is a good movie, huh? This is the one where Nicolas Cage comes out and…” [loud stomach grumbling]
 “Anyway, he plays the bad guy in this movie, and it turns out really good.”
 [stomach grumbling]
 Then all of a sudden… 
----Punchline----
[puffing]


Similarity Score:0.5050505050505051
Percent Error Setup:46.8913768461172%
Percent Error Punchline:90.03285870755751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:49.39048368069209%
----Setup----
 [rumbling]
----Punchline----
 [high-pitched screech]


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:97.44396382225717%
----Setup----
 [high-pitched screech]
 You’re running by people.
 [rumbling]
 They’re, like… 
[sniffing]
----Punchline----
 “Chico’s.”


Similarity Score:0.3076923076923077
Percent Error Setup:94.03882801333968%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.35430593786866%
----Setup----
 Mm-hmm.
----Punchline----
 An El Paso tradition.


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:96.42154935116005%
----Setup----
 You know what’s funny? Is that a year from now, they’ll be people watching this all over the world.
 Just, like, the first DVDs in Canada, Australia and Europe.
 This DVD will wind up somewhere in Australia.
----Punchline----
 And they’ll be people in Australia going, “What the hell’s Chico’s?”


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:79.40686040971892%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:74.43963822257177%
----Setup----
 “Crikey, we got to go.
 We got to see Chico’s.”
 You watch, man.
 There’ll be people freaking out.
 [British accent]
----Punchline----
 “I say, we must go try Chico’s.”


Similarity Score:0.41379310344827586
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:85.17499016909163%
----Setup----
 “It sounds splendid.”
 “Yes, it does.”
 “Drink a taco.
 “I never thought I’d see the day.
 “I’m going to try it.
 El Paso it is.”
 Oh, man.
 But, no.
----Punchline----
 I got Chico’s Tacos and cakes.


Similarity Score:0.4864864864864865
Percent Error Setup:83.74225821819914%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:81.0853322847031%
----Setup----
 You know? One night at one show, I received 1 1 chocolate cakes.
 And it was local, so I took ’em home.
 And that is an argument that nobody in this building has ever had at 3:00 in the morning.
 ‘Cause you don’t just walk into the house with 1 1 cakes.
 You make some noise.
 You know.
 [imitates doors slamming open and footsteps]
 And I walk in with the last two cakes, and my girlfriend’s in the kitchen.
 And she’s, like, “What the hell is this?!”
 I’m trying to be cute.
----Punchline----
 “It’s a bakery.”


Similarity Score:0.4948453608247423
Percent Error Setup:49.60100047641734%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:50.41289815178922%
----Setup----
 “Where did you get all this cake?”
 I said, “Baby, the people at the show brought it.”
 “Are you gonna eat all of it?”
 “Eventually.
 I’m not gonna do it in one hit, you know?”
 Freaking two hours later.
----Punchline----
 “Clear!”


Similarity Score:0.42857142857142855
Percent Error Setup:78.32301095759885%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.52929610696027%
----Setup----
 “How do you know someone isn’t trying to poison you?”
 “With cake? Are you serious?”
 It’s, like, you live by the cake, you die by the cake, you know? No.
 Uh-uh.
 So we’re going back and forth, right? We wake up Frankie, and Frankie walks into the kitchen at 3:00 in the morning, and he’s, all… 
[mumbling]
 “Where did all the cake come from?”
 “The people at the show brought it.”
 “Tell ’em I said thank you.”
 “I’ll tell ’em you said thank you, Frankie.”
 “Gabriel, how come they bring you cake?”
 ‘”Cause ten years ago, I did a joke where I said, ‘”I love chocolate cake.
’ Now people bring me cake.”
----Punchline----
 “You should say you love Transformers.”


Similarity Score:0.35
Percent Error Setup:38.76250595521677%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:38.65513173417224%
----Setup----
 I’ll start doing it, all right? So my girl’s, like, “Baby, put Frankie to bed.”
 I go, “Frankie, you got to go back to sleep.”
 [grunting]
 “Want some cake?”
 “Yeah.”
 So I grab one of these tiny cakes that somebody brought me.
 One of those little tiny ones that has the plastic cover and the sticker on the side.
 And I handed to him.
 I go, “Here.”
 He goes, “A little piece?”
 I go, “Dude, it’s a small cake.
 You can have the whole thing.”
----Punchline----
 And the look that came over his face at 3:00 in the morning was like he got a gift from God.


Similarity Score:0.46296296296296297
Percent Error Setup:53.39447355883754%
Percent Error Punchline:119.27710843373494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:44.78961856075501%
----Setup----
 I said, “Here,” and he was, like….
----Punchline----
 [humming reverential religious tune]
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.42857142857142855
Percent Error Setup:95.66460219151978%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:92.84309870232009%
----Setup----
 “Take it to your room.”
----Punchline----
 [singing in Latin]


Similarity Score:1.0
Percent Error Setup:96.74845164363984%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:94.88792764451436%
----Setup----
 I went to go take him to school the next morning.
 He’s in the bathroom crying.
 [imitates sobbing]
 “Hey, are you okay?”
 “Oh, my stomach!”
 “Your stomach? Too much cake?”
 “Yeah.”
 “Was it good?”
 “Hell, yeah.”
 “I’ll see you in the car.”
 20 minutes later, he comes to the car, and he’s all sweaty.
 [breathing heavily]
 “You all right? What happened?”
 “I blew it up.”
 “Get in the car.”
 [imitates engine revving]
 I get him to school 45 minutes late.
 Usually, when I drop him off, you guys, I leave him on the side of the school, and they have, like, a drop-off zone with cones and a supervisor to make sure that your kid gets off safely.
 When you’re 45 minutes late, there’s nobody there, so I left him in front of the school.
 And apparently, that’s a no-no.
 You’re not supposed to do that.
 I didn’t know, you know? [engine purring, tires squeal]
 “Go for it.”
 “I’m not supposed to…” “I know, dude.
 Just go.
 You’re late.
 Go.”
 [grunting]
 [door closes, squeaking]
 Out of nowhere, here comes the principal.
 And I know it’s the principal, ’cause he’s, like, “It’s the principal! It’s the principal! It’s the principal! It’s the principal!”
 “Dude, relax.
 I’m 30.
 I don’t give a damn.”
 Here comes the principal.
 “Sir? Sir, this is not the designated drop-off area.
 “Please take your child to the other side of the school.
 You cannot leave him here.”
 I was, like… 
[whispering]
 “Watch this.”
 Senora… 
----Punchline----
[speaking Spanish]
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.23015873015873015
Percent Error Setup:34.93925678894712%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:28.824223358238303%
----Setup----
 “That’s how you do it, homeboy.
 That’s how you do it.”
 That principal was amazing, ’cause she was, like, “Usted no puede dejar su hijo aqui.
 “Saca la huelta a la otro lado de Ia escueIa.
 “Aya, si, si, aqui, no, no.
 “Aya, si, si, aqui, no, no.
----Punchline----
 Yo no soy pendeja.”


Similarity Score:0.2222222222222222
Percent Error Setup:73.4456884230586%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:72.3948092803775%
----Setup----
 Did that really happen? Yes.
 Mm-hmm.
 I felt so bad ’cause when I picked up Frankie, he’s like, “The principal yelled at me.”
 I’m like, “I’m sorry.”
 “I’m gonna tell my mom.”
 “No.
 It’s all right, dude.”
 We’re having a good time right now with his mom.
 And it sucks, you guys, ’cause we got into a fight that weekend.
 Eh… it was not too big, but it was, like, it was— it could have been prevented.
 My girlfriend’s backing the car up out of the driveway, and somebody had left, like, this— I guess they were moving, and they left this big box behind the car, and my girlfriend’s backing up, and I go, “Baby, baby, there’s a box.”
 “I got it.”
----Punchline----
 [crashing sound]


Similarity Score:0.31496062992125984
Percent Error Setup:32.801333968556456%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:35.07668108533228%
----Setup----
 Even Frankie was like, “Mom, he told you there was a box right there.”
 “Shut up!”
 So we get inside the house, and I looked at her and I said, “What the hell is your problem?”
 And sure enough, Frankie walks up.
 [whimpering “You guys are going to fight.”
 I’m like, “Oh, shoot— no, no, no, I’m sorry, Frankie.
 We’re not fighting.”
 “You’re yelling at my mom.”
 “No, no, no, no, no, I love your mom.
 She just didn’t hear me.”
 “You’re not mad at her?”
 “No, I’m not mad at your mom.
 “Baby, I love you, I love you.
 See, I love your mom— I love you.”
 [kissing]
 “I love your mom; everything’s cool.
 “You want to go play some video games or something? Come on, I’ll go play with you.”
 “Okay.”
 “Okay, come on.
 I’m not mad at your mom, dude, come on, let’s go.
 Say bye to your mom.”
 “Bye, Mom.”
 “Come on, let’s go, come on, we’re cool.
 I’m not mad at her; come on, let’s go.”
 [mouthing]
----Punchline----
 “Come on, let’s go.”
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.33519553072625696
Percent Error Setup:6.247022391615054%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:8.49390483680692%
----Setup----
 I snuck it in there, huh? [sighs]
 No, no fighting.
 But I had to make up the fact that I yelled at Frankie.
 I go, “Frankie, whatever you want to do, let’s do it.”
 “Gabriel, can we go to an arcade?”
 “Arcade? Dude, you have a Nintendo Wii at your house.”
 And then I had a flashback to 20 years ago.
 [in shrill voice]
 “¿Que, que? Arcade? “Cabron, tu tienes un Nintendo en la casa.
 You have a Nintendo at home.”
 I’m like, “Oh, my God, I’m turning into my mom.
 Come on, dude, let’s go.”
 [imitates engine]
 I take him to this big old freaking arcade, right? And I felt so out of it because I didn’t know you couldn’t put money in the machines anymore.
 I’m— Man, I remember quarters.
 I’m thinking, “Here, five bucks,” and he’s, like, looking at me like, “Hmm?”
 “What? Go play,” and he’s like— he came right back.
 “All done.”
 I’m like, “Dude.”
 I didn’t know this.
 You have to go to another machine, put in money, and then it gives you a card, and then you swipe that card to play video games.
 And the game he wants to play doesn’t cost a quarter.
 It costs three dollars.
 A game.
----Punchline----
 Big old machine called Dance Dance Revolution.


Similarity Score:0.29493087557603687
Percent Error Setup:13.262267746545975%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:10.931970114038538%
----Setup----
 Some of you know this game? Yeah, maybe, sort of.
 For those of you that don’t know the game, it’s pretty simple.
 It’s a dancing game, and there’s a big screen and then arrows come out to music, and whatever arrow comes out, that’s the arrow you have to step on when it comes out.
 Kind of cool, but all the music is techno and it’s loud.
 I know I’m getting older ’cause I’m like, “They got to turn that down.”
 [as male announcer]
 “Dance Dance Revolution Revolution.
 Get ready.”
 And the kids are like, “I’m ready.”
 “Select music.”
----Punchline----
 [beatboxing techno]


Similarity Score:0.5048543689320388
Percent Error Setup:45.80752739399714%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:47.34565473849784%
----Setup----
 And that’s what they dance to.
 “Ready, go!”
----Punchline----
 [beatboxing techno]


Similarity Score:0.6666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:95.12267746545973%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.86551317341723%
----Setup----
 “Perfect.”
 And the kid’s like, “Whoo!”
 And I’m like… 
[panting]
 I love this game, but they need to have something that’s more fluffy-friendly, so that fluffy people and parents can hang and enjoy.
 We’re watching this game for over an hour.
 I told Frankie, “Let’s go play another game and then we’ll come back when the line goes down.”
 “The line never goes down.”
 Great.
 So I’m watching kid after kid after kid.
 You know, like, “Serious? How much is it?”
 “It’s three dollars a dance.”
 “Three dollars a dance?”
 And then I thought about it.
----Punchline----
 Well, I paid $20 two nights ago, so… I guess three dollars isn’t that bad.


Similarity Score:0.23008849557522124
Percent Error Setup:47.43330157217723%
Percent Error Punchline:59.47426067907996%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:42.23358238301219%
----Setup----
 Now that I think about it.
 Some of you are clapping, some are like, “I don’t get it.”
 Yeah, whatever, anyway.
 So kid after kid.
 Then I found something out.
 You can always spot that one kid who you just know is going to grow up to be a little bit more… creative… than others by the way he plays the game.
 And all the other little kids— they know something’s up.
 They’re like, “You got to watch.
 “When Benji plays, you got to watch.
 Watch.”
 Sure enough, here comes Benji, right? “Dance Dance Revolution.
 Get ready.”
 [in effeminate voice]
 “I’m so ready.”
 I’m like, “Whoa… oh, it’s on.”
 “Select music.”
 [beatboxing techno]
 “Ready, go!”
 This dude took off.
----Punchline----
 [beatboxing techno]


Similarity Score:0.4878048780487805
Percent Error Setup:34.96903287279657%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:37.12151002752655%
----Setup----
 “Perfect.”
 “I know.”
 I’m like, “Wow.”
 Frankie’s like, “I’m next.”
 I go, “You can’t follow that.
 “You better come over here and play some Street Fighter, man.
 “Let me show you how to throw a fireball.
 Get your butt over here.”
 Oh, my God.
 I had to make it up to him another way.
 I had to take him… to Disneyland.
 I stopped going to Disneyland a long time ago.
 Because you know what? Those roller coasters are not fluffy-friendly.
 Disney cares.
 That’s why there’s safety there.
 You know, they have all those different harnesses.
 And if you’re over 300 pounds, just stay in the parking lot.
 You know, ’cause they got the whole, you know… 
[clicking]
 You’re fluffy, forget it.
 That’s why I love a ghetto-ass carnival.
 You know, those ones they build in, like, six hours? I can still ride those roller coasters.
 It’s only one bar, three clicks, that’s it.
 If it locks, good.
 If it doesn’t, “Hold on!”
 [hissing, clicking]
 Plus, fluffy people never fall.
 We never fall.
----Punchline----
 You know who falls? The skinny guy that got stuck next to us.


Similarity Score:0.25668449197860965
Percent Error Setup:6.247022391615054%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:4.4042469524184025%
----Setup----
 That’s who… 
[screams]
----Punchline----
 More room.


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:96.42154935116005%
----Setup----
 But me and Disney, no.
 No mas.
 But I had to because I messed up.
 I fell asleep on the couch, and I woke up all, you know… 
[groaning]
 …and Frankie was watching TV.
 He goes, “Look, Gabriel, look, Disneyland.”
 And I was like, “Dude, what’s the big deal, okay? “It’s Disneyland.
 What, you’ve never gone?”
 all: Aw… – “My dad never took me.”
 Oh, mother… Next morning… 
[whirring]
 [brakes screeching]
 [hissing]
 “Welcome to the magical world of Disney.”
----Punchline----
 We walk in the park; he’s all happy.


Similarity Score:0.4044943820224719
Percent Error Setup:56.64602191519771%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:54.502556036177744%
----Setup----
 We get into the middle of the park, and he’s so funny.
 He starts getting winded.
 I thought it was hysterical because up until then, I only saw myself get like that, you know.
 [panting]
 So to see a little ten-year-old version… 
[high-pitched panting]
----Punchline----
 [shrieks]


Similarity Score:0.9787234042553191
Percent Error Setup:75.61338732729871%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:75.97325992921746%
----Setup----
 Hysterical.
 I was dying.
 I go, “Frankie, you want to take a break?”
 “Mm-hmm, Gabriel, this park is big.”
 I’m like, “See? “It’s not a small world after all.
 Like, whatever, dude, sit down.”
 So we’re sitting down, waiting.
 All of a sudden, I start getting recognized at Disneyland, and that, for me, was cool.
 You know, people were walking by.
 [indistinct whispering]
 “Fluffy, can we take a picture?”
 “Sure.”
 [whooshing]
 And then… more people.
 “It’s him.”
 “It’s that guy.”
 “Pikachu.”
 Now I have, like, ten people around me like I’m a new character at the park.
 Best part is Frankie starts getting annoyed.
 He’s like… 
[groaning]
 “Why don’t they leave you alone?”
 “Frankie, these are the people that come to the shows.
 They’re the reason why you have a PlayStation.”
 [exhaling]
 [as Frankie]
 “Thank you.”
----Punchline----
 “Here, now, start taking the pictures.”


Similarity Score:0.3472222222222222
Percent Error Setup:25.756312529776082%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:26.386158081006684%
----Setup----
 So I told Frankie, “Frankie, what ride are you going to get on?”
 “Ride?”
 “Yeah.
 What ride do you want to get on?”
 “I don’t want to get on a ride.”
 “What the hell are we doing at Disneyland?”
 “The commercial said that Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth.”
 “Oh, my God.
 “That’s IHOP.
 The hell are we doing here?”
 We’re hanging out at IHOP, and, you know, we started talking, and it was kind of like a little bonding moment because Frankie— his dad isn’t in the picture and my dad wasn’t in the picture, so for some reason, you know, we got a little connection going on and it’s pretty cool.
 Frankie told me something, and it got me right here.
 He goes— you know, I’m talking to him.
 I said, “Frankie,” I says, “do you ever want to, you know, talk or see your real dad?”
 And he goes, “You are my real dad.”
 I was like, “Oh…” And then he followed it up with this— “I want my last name to be Iglesias.”
 [grunting]
 And then his mom walked in.
 “Me too.”
 They work together, they work together.
 I knew it.
 It’s a tag team.
 [murmuring]
 Whatever.
 Eh, another time, I took ’em to IHOP, you guys— too funny.
 We walk in there, we got my buddy Noah.
 We went to go eat, tore it up, walked out into the parking lot, and discovered that my car had been stolen.
 [audience groaning]
 Yeah, uh-huh.
 I was full too.
 I’m like… 
[groans]
 “We got to walk.”
 My buddy Noah— he’s trying to be helpful.
 He’s like, “Gabriel, don’t you have OnStar?”
 I’m like, “Yeah, but it’s in the car, stupid.”
 “Well, can’t you call the 800 number? Maybe they can track your car.”
 I’m like, “Oh, shoot, Noah, you’re a genius.”
 So I pull out my cell phone and my freaking, you know, OnStar card, and I call ’em up.
 [phone rings]
 [in mechanical female voice]
 “OnStar.
 “For OnStar service, press one.
 “Para servicio en espanol, oprima el numero dos.
 To report a lost or stolen vehicle, press three.”
 [beeps]
 “One moment.”
 [imitating Chuck Mangione’s “Feels So Good” trumpet solo ]
 [line rings]
 “Thank you for choosing OnStar.
 “This is Kim speaking.
 How can I help you?”
 “Kim, they just stole my car from IHOP.”
 “I’m very sorry, sir.
 Can I get your OnStar number?”
 “Actually, Kim, I can’t read the card.
 “It’s kind of chewed up.
 “Uh, can I give you, like, a credit card or Social Security or something?”
 “Sir, just give me your name.”
 “Okay, my name is Gabriel Iglesias.”
 “Oka—” “Hello? “Kim? Kim?”
----Punchline----
 “Do you spell that with an “I”?”


Similarity Score:0.2
Percent Error Setup:139.53072891853265%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:130.0432559968541%
----Setup----
 [mimics thud]
 [mimics ringing]
 [in female voice]
 OnStar.
 For OnStar service press one.
 Para servicio en Espanol oprima el numero dos.
 Un momento.
----Punchline----
 Por favor.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.07142857142857142
Percent Error Setup:86.99380657455931%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:85.68619740464018%
----Setup----
 [imitates trumpet playing “Mexican Hat Dance”]
 [trumpeting continues]
 [mimics ringing]
----Punchline----
 “I speak Spanish too, motherfucker!”





Similarity Score:0.23529411764705882
Percent Error Setup:94.03882801333968%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:91.3094769956744%
----Setup----
I am super excited, you guys.
 Let me tell you.
 This is our 19th year coming to Chicago, okay? Nineteen years.
 The first time I came here, I got a chance to meet some people, and they says, “Gabriel, have you ever been to Chicago?”
 “No, it’s my first time.”
 “We’d like to take you out to eat if you’re down.”
 And I’m like, “Well, hello.
 I am very down.”
----Punchline----
 They took me to a restaurant called Portillo’s.


Similarity Score:0.25316455696202533
Percent Error Setup:62.065269175798%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:59.614628391663395%
----Setup----
 You heard of it? So we get there, and it was very good.
 The hot dogs were delicious.
 I had a chicken chopped salad.
 It was amazing.
 Had a beef dip.
 Really good.
 But it wasn’t until the meal was almost over that these new friends of mine said, “We’d like you to try something you might not have ever had before.”
 I’m like, “That’s not likely.”
 I said, “What is it you want me to try?”
----Punchline----
 “They sell a thing at Portillo’s called a chocolate cake shake.”


Similarity Score:0.26666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:57.72987136731778%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:53.99134880062918%
----Setup----
 I said, “You had me at ‘chocolate.
’” They said, “You gotta go up to the window and order it from the lady.”
 So I get up and walk over to the lady.
 She’s like, “Can I help you?”
 I say, “My friends are telling me that I need to try this thing called a chocolate cake shake.”
 “Okay.
 What size would you like?”
 “How good is it?”
 “You want a large.”
 “All right.
 Can I please have a large chocolate cake shake?”
 “No problem.”
 [imitating beeping]
 I pay, and she turns around.
 She turns around and walks over to this refrigerator on the counter.
 She opens it up, and she pulls out a piece of chocolate cake.
 I’m thinking to myself, “She must’ve misunderstood what I said.
 I didn’t ask for a piece of chocolate cake.
 I asked for a chocolate cake shake.”
 She must’ve heard what I was thinking, ’cause she’s walking by, like, “It’s gonna happen.”
 She walks over to the blender, she takes the freaking lid off, and she just looks at me and does this.
 And I was like, “No!”
 And she’s like, “Oh, yeah.”
 [imitating blender whirring]
 She pours it and she hands me this 44-ounce chocolate shake… which is way more than anybody should be drinking.
 The straw was so thick, you could almost fit your thumb in it.
 So I grab the shake, and I begin to attempt to drink it.
 So I’m– Mmm.
 Mmm.
 Mmm.
 And I can see the shake coming up.
 Mmm.
 Mmm.
 And it hit, and then all of a sudden– Whoo!Hell, you guys even have taco trucks.
 Now for anyone wondering about taco trucks, let me just let you know right now.
 That is real good Mexican food.
 I don’t want you being concerned, like, “No, there’s wheels under that restaurant.”
 Well, sometimes we don’t have a permit, okay? But it doesn’t mean the food is not good.
 For me to know I’m gonna have a good experience at a taco truck, I always research.
 I look to see who’s running the truck.
 For me to know I’m gonna have a good time, I wanna make sure that it’s an all-female crew.
 Not to sound sexist.
 It’s just that when it’s all women running the truck, they make me feel good about myself.
 They make me feel special.
 When I walk up at one o’clock in the morning, and I have a buzz, they make me feel good.
 [imitates knocking]
 “Hello?”
 They come to the window.
 “Hola, mi gordito.
 ¿Cómo estás? ¿Cómo está ese gordito chulito? Ese gordito.
 Qué bonito.
 A ver.
 A ver.
 Ojitos.
 Ojitos.”
 I feel like a kid.
 I’m like, “Can I have a taco?”
 “Whatever you want, mi hijito.
 A taquito for you.”
 Now, when it’s an all Mexican male crew running the truck– It’s late.
 They’re tired.
 They’re bitter.
 Customer service isn’t our strongest point at one o’clock in the morning.
 Then you gotta deal with a drunk knucklehead like me.
 [imitates knocking]
 “Hello?”
 They come to the window.
 “¿Qué chingados quieres, pinche gordo? What you want? What you want?”
 “Hey, what’s up, bro? Can I have a taco?”
 “Okay.
 What else?”
 “That’s it.”
 [clicks tongue]
 “Aah!”
 That’s not even a word! But you know exactly what he just told you.
 For some reason, Mexican people, and only Mexican people, have this sound that comes out of us that can just discredit anything you put in front of it.
 It doesn’t matter what it is.
 We can kill it with that sound.
 “I just graduated from college, top of my class.”
 [clicks tongue]
 “Aah!”
 “Fine, I’ll work at Burger King.”
 “Papi, this is my fiancé.
 He loves me.”
 [clicks tongue]
 “Aah!”
 “Fine, I’ll be a whore.”
 And speaking of whores, let me tell you where they put us up at.
 That’s a bad segue.
 No.
 There’s no whores at this hotel.
Listen.
 I would like to personally thank the promoters for not only making this special happen, but for taking really good care of us.
 They put us at a hotel right across the street.
 And you know, you know when you’re in a good hotel when you get inside of the elevator, and it talks.
 It’s one of those.
 [imitates beep]
 [female voice]
 “First floor.”
 [imitates beep]
 “Second floor.”
 [imitates beep]
 “Third floor.”
 I’m like, “Man, she sounds hot.”
 [imitates beep]
 [female voice]
 “Fourth floor.
 Mmmm.”
 [imitates beep]
 “Fifth floor.
 Oh, yeah.”
 Martin asked me, “How far you going up?”
 I said, “All the way.”
----Punchline----
 I gotta see how this ends.


Similarity Score:0.09210526315789473
Percent Error Setup:308.0693187232015%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:288.5174990169092%
----Setup----
Oh, man.
 And by the way, since the last time we were here, I’ve had a few things change in my life.
 Some things happened that were so crazy that I couldn’t even believe it was a possibility.
 First thing that happened was, I had my first ever celebrity death hoax.
 Meaning that someone faked my death on the Internet, and it went viral.
 Someone wrote an amazing article that was read by over 30 million people that was so good, even I was like, “Oh, my God.
 I was so nice.”
 TMZ reported it for 30 minutes, until they called my publicist and confirmed that I was still alive.
 The article said that I had died October 31 from complications of Type II diabetes.
 And I’m thinking to myself, “That’s a hell of a day to kill a diabetic.”
 You know what I mean? That’s like killing Santa on Christmas Eve.
 Thirty million people read this article.
 No one thought to call me.
----Punchline----
 Except Martin.


Similarity Score:0.2634730538922156
Percent Error Setup:11.124344926155311%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:14.628391663389696%
----Setup----
 -That’s right.
 Martin was the only one that called me.
 And I think that was just to verify that he still had employment.
 I got that phone call.
 [imitates phone ringing, line connecting]
 “Hello?”
 Martin was like, “Hey.
 You dead?”
 “No, man.
 I’m good.”
 “I figured.
 You would’ve texted me.”
 [imitates line disconnecting]
 And I would have, ’cause that’s the kind of friend I am.
 I even asked my son, Frankie.
 I said, “Frankie, did you hear I died?”
 “That’s what they meant.”
 “What do you mean, ‘That’s what they meant’?”
 “My friends were asking if you were okay.”
 “What’d you tell them?”
 “I hadn’t seen you.”
 “So apparently I died.”
 “Welcome back.”
And that’s another thing that’s changed.
----Punchline----
 My son, Frankie, is now 18 years old.
----Tagline(s)----
 And one week away from graduation.


Similarity Score:0.16176470588235295
Percent Error Setup:35.5109575988566%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:30.475815965395203%
----Setup----
 Yeah.
 You guys are clapping, but he’s not leaving.
 I asked him.
 “Frankie, what do you want to do with your life?”
 “Mm-mmm.”
 “Have you thought about college?”
 “Just now.”
 I’m like, “Frankie, you do realize that all you need to do is get accepted.
 I tell a lot of jokes.
----Punchline----
 I will pay for your entire college education, no matter where you want to go.”


Similarity Score:0.5588235294117647
Percent Error Setup:71.81991424487852%
Percent Error Punchline:59.47426067907996%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.23790798269759%
----Setup----
 “As long as you get accepted.
 What do you think about that?”
 “Mm-mmm.”
 I say, “You want to go to school in California, we’ll make it happen.
 You want to go out of state, we’ll make it happen.
 Hell, I’ll even do one of those international programs.”
 The ones where you give them one of your children and they give you one of their children.
 -What is it called when you kid-swap? -[audience]
 Exchange.
 Thank you.
 Sorry.
 That’s right.
 “Exchange.”
 Some of you were like, “That’s called human trafficking.”
 Different program.
 I would love to do an exchange program with my son.
 But don’t give me a regular kid.
 If I’m gonna do an exchange program, give me a kid from a hard-core third world country, so he appreciates all the basic things most American children take for granted.
 That’s why I say give me little Tombutu.
 Give me Tombutu.
 I would love Tombutu, and Tombutu would love me.
 “Mister Fluffy?”
 “Yes, Tombutu?”
 “I was wondering, what time do we go to sleep?”
 “You go to sleep whenever you like.
 This is your room.
 We sleep next door.”
 “All of this is for Tombutu?”
 “Yes, all of this is for Tombutu.”
 “In my village, two families sleep in an area this big.”
 “Well, here in America, one big-ass Mexican kid sleeps right here.
 Enjoy.”
 Then I would take him to IHOP or Denny’s and let him order whatever he wants and just watch him lose it.
 “This is the Thanksgiving I heard of! Thank you, Mr.
 Fluffy! Thank you! If there is anything Tombutu can do for you, please tell me.
 Anything.”
 “Can you help me take out the trash?”
 “For you, I will eat the trash.”


Meanwhile, my son’s on the other side of the world, on top of an elephant, trying to get Wi-Fi.
 I love my son very much, you guys.
 It’s just that sometimes he doesn’t get the position he’s in.
 He doesn’t realize it.
 Which is why I love it whenever he brings his friends over.
 He brings his friends over the house, and they’re constantly saying what I’m saying.
 And as a parent, anytime you tell your kids something, that’s one thing.
 When you can get their friends to say what you say, you can’t pay for that.
 And they’re always doing it.
 “Frankie, you’re lucky, man.
 Your dad’s trying to help you go to college.
 My dad wants me to get a job.
 Frankie, you’re lucky, man.
 Your dad’s trying to give you a car.
 My dad doesn’t even trust me to walk.
 You’re lucky, man.”
 And I hear this, and I’m like, “I love these kids.”
 Because my son is very numb to this situation.
 He’s very numb to all of you, and he’s very numb to “Fluffy.”
 Okay, he doesn’t see Fluffy.
 He sees “Dad! Dad!”
 I’m Dad.
 I’m the guy that tells him clean your room, take a shower and put on deodorant, which he does very well now! But you guys saw what I had to do to make that happen.


His friends, on the other hand, they still get excited when they see me.
 They still geek out.
 I walk into the living room.
 They’re all sitting there.
 Frankie sees me.
 “Hey, Dad.”
 His friends see me, they see this.
 [imitating chorus singing]
 With, like, doves.
 [imitates wings flapping]
 Can you imagine if every time you walked into a room, that happened? “He’s here.”
 [imitating chorus singing]
 [imitates wings flapping]
 Ladies, imagine if your partner could do that for you.
 Huh? It’s your anniversary, a celebration, some magical moment, or you’re just laying there and you’re drunk.
 And you’re just like, “What are you gonna do to me? What are you gonna do?”
 [imitating chorus singing]
 [imitates wings flapping]
 One extra dove.
 [imitates wings flapping]
 And by the way, guys, if you’re ever able to pull off the doves, just leave it at that.
 Don’t try to top the doves.
 It’s very hard to top the doves.
 Don’t start running your mouth and talking smack.
 She’s laying there.
 Don’t start: “You don’t know what’s gonna happen to you.
 You’re gonna get it.”
 Don’t do that.
 ’Cause ladies, all you have to do is look at him and go, [clicks tongue]
 “Aah!”


Anyways, back to my son’s friends.
 So my son has two friends that come to the house all the time.
 One friend, his name is Ken.
 Works a lot with computers.
 The other friend, his name is Fabian.
 He wants to be a police officer.
 Both of these kids are really good.
 Now I keep calling everyone kids, even though they’re all 18.
 But to me, they’re kids.
 I’m almost 40.
 I’m like, “Uh,” you know? Some of the conversations we have are very adult-like.
 And the other conversations, I’m like, “What am I doing with my life?”
For example, at home– At home, when I’m hanging out, I usually just wear very similar to now, except the Hawaiian shirt.
 I usually wear a T-shirt that has Star Wars or Marvel Comics or Transformers on it.
 Cartoons.
 I like wearing stuff like that around the house.
----Punchline----
 One day, I’m wearing a T-shirt that has The Avengers on the front.


Similarity Score:0.14942528735632185
Percent Error Setup:363.88756550738447%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:344.7502949272513%
----Setup----
 Yeah.
 And I walk into the living room, and my son’s friend Fabian sees me wearing the shirt.
 So he starts pointing.
 I’m like, “What’s up, dude?”
 He goes– [inhales]
 “Weak.”
 “’Scuse me?”
 “Weak.”
 And then he says, “DC’s better.”
 “What did you say?”
 “DC’s better.”
 I’m like, “DC’s okay.
 Obama lives there.
 They pass laws.
 They got hotels, historic museums.
 It’s not a real state.
 I don’t know why you’re getting cray-cray.”
 He goes, “No, fool! DC Comics!”
 I’m like, “Hey, man.
 I’m almost 40.
 I don’t care.
 It’s just a really cool shirt.
 I like it.
 It fits… No big deal.”
 “That’s ’cause they are.”
 “You need to relax.”
 “They’re the best.”
 “You need to chill.”
 And in my head, I’m like, why am I having this conversation? I have better things to do, like trying to get my son on an elephant, but no.
 The kid in me is, “Why are they best?”
 He points at the shirt again.
 “Iron Man sucks.
 Batman’s number one.”
 I go, “Why?”
 “’Cause he is.”
 I go, “That’s not an argument.
 First of all, Batman’s not the best superhero.
 I hate to break it to you.
----Punchline----
 He’s not.”


Similarity Score:0.19095477386934673
Percent Error Setup:6.2172463077656035%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:1.7302398741643739%
----Setup----
 I can hear people getting ready to boo.
 “Oh, no, Fluffy.
 Don’t go there.
 Don’t go there, Fluffy.
 Don’t do it.”
 Yes, I’m gonna do this.
 Watch this.
 Batman’s not the best superhero.
 Batman is the creepiest superhero.
 Batman is the creepiest superhero that has ever lived.
 He even sounds creepy.
 [imitates whooshing]
 [deep voice]
 “I’m Batman.”
 [imitates whooshing]
 “I’m Batman.”
 You don’t recognize that voice? [deep voice]
 “Want some candy?”
 [imitates whooshing]
 “Help me find my puppy.”
 Hello? He only comes out at night.
 His face is always covered up.
 He’s always waiting in alleys.
 And who does he talk to? A guy named Joker, a guy named Riddler.
 His name is Batman.
 Joker, Riddler, Batman.
 Joker, Riddler, Batman.
 Those are Mexican gang member names.
 Can you imagine if that was Batman’s real identity? At night.
 [imitates whooshing]
 “I’m Batman.”
 During the day.
 [imitates whooshing]
 “No, chingue su madre, soy Batman, loco– Todo el pinche día aquí trabajando y luego le parta la madre Joker–” “I’m Batman.”
 I said, “All right, Fabian, Mr.
 ‘Batman’s The Best.
’ Based on my T-shirt– My T-shirt says Marvel Comics.
 I see Thor, I see Captain America, I see Iron Man.
 Who are some of the superheroes that DC Comics has that makes them better than Marvel? Go.”
 “Batman.”
 “You said that.”
 “Superman.”
 “That’s a good one.”
 “Wonder Woman.”
 “Okay.”
 “Green Lantern.”
 “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.”
 I said, “I know the other superheroes, but Green Lantern? What’s his power?”
 “He wears a ring, and the ring gives him power.”
 I said, “That’s a fantasy.
 I don’t know any man who wears a ring who has power.”
 And if you’re not clapping right now, my point exactly.
 You can’t clap, can you? You can’t.
 You know why you can’t clap? ’Cause you’re sitting next to Kryptonite.
 He’s not even clapping.
 He’s like, “No, no, no, no.
 No.
 Me pega Wonder Woman.
----Punchline----
 No, no.”


Similarity Score:0.15625
Percent Error Setup:71.79013816102906%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:63.5863153755407%
----Setup----
Listen, I’m not gonna lie.
----Punchline----
 Sometimes– Sometimes I feel just a pinch, a pinch like a superhero, in the sense that I’m able to walk out in front of large groups of people, change people’s moods, make people smile, make people laugh, make people feel a little bit better.


Similarity Score:0.44
Percent Error Setup:97.29037636969986%
Percent Error Punchline:348.5213581599123%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:74.43963822257177%
----Setup----
 -Right? By that same token, like any superhero, I have my weaknesses too.
 I come out here and I make you happy.
 And then I go home.
 And I piss off one person.
 ’Cause she don’t want to hear about this.
 She doesn’t want to hear about you guys.
 I can’t go home and brag.
 “Baby, it was crazy in Chicago.”
 “That’s nice.
 Take out the trash.”
 “But they were clapping and chanting my name.”
 “Oh, is that gonna help? Okay.
 [chanting]
 Take out the trash! Take out the trash! Take out the trash! Take out the trash!”
 “But they told me they loved me!”
 [clicks tongue]
----Punchline----
 “Aah!”


Similarity Score:0.2545454545454545
Percent Error Setup:41.47212958551692%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:43.76720408965789%
----Setup----
 [audience chanting]
 Fluffy! Fluffy! Fluffy! Oh, my God.
----Punchline----
 Do you guys have any idea how hard it’s gonna be to go home and take out the trash now? Thank you.


Similarity Score:0.375
Percent Error Setup:95.12267746545973%
Percent Error Punchline:129.24424972617743%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----


Oh, my God.
 This is awesome! I hear some of you too.
 You guys okay over there? [imitating coughing]
 That’s a big compliment, by the way.
 Anytime I hear people in the arena, and they’re freaking– [clearing throat]
 That lets me know I’m making you laugh so much, your own body is rejecting the activity that you’re participating in.
 Your own lungs are telling you, “This is not good for you.
 You need to leave.”
 But you’re stubborn.
 You’re like, “No! The ticket was expensive!”
 That’s usually from guys.
----Punchline----
 From women, it’s a little bit different.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.30612244897959184
Percent Error Setup:51.76869938065746%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:49.90169091624066%
----Setup----
 That tells me I’m making you laugh so much, I’m causing you to inhale and exhale at the same time, forcing you to make that– [snorts]
 And if I hear a woman snort more than two times, that tells me I made you pee just a little.
 I love that.
 You were pointing out the whole time.
 She’s like, “You asshole.”
----Punchline----
 Thanks for having my back.


Similarity Score:0.29411764705882354
Percent Error Setup:66.40066698427822%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.23790798269759%
----Setup----
 And they get so excited and so involved with the show, that they forget.
 They forget to do a very basic thing.
 Called breathing! You’d be amazed how many times I’ve seen this in the front row.
 And they pass the hell out.
 The messed-up part is only I can see what’s happening.
 And– And they’re usually, like, “Fluffy, do something.”
 I’m, like– “Do something!”
 [imitating chorus singing]
 [imitating wings flapping]
 “He woke up! Thank you!”


I had a lady one time… up in the balcony… who laughed herself unconscious.
 She went forward and wound up hitting her head on the rail that was in the aisle.
 Now I couldn’t see this because I’m onstage and I had spotlights in my face.
 It wasn’t until after the show was over, when Martin came back out onstage and he took the microphone.
 Then he tells me in my ear, “Bro, some lady just got hurt in the balcony.
 The paramedics are here.
 They have her in the lobby.
 Let’s check on her.”
 I’m like, “Let’s go.”
 So we go behind the curtain.
 Security is waiting for us with the car.
 So we jump in the car– [imitates door closing, engine revving]
 They raced us around to the front of the building.
 Now as soon as we get to the front, we see an ambulance.
 We start walking in.
 And now– Not to take anything away from this serious moment, because this really did happen.
 It’s a little bit funny in the sense that… my show just finished, and people are now starting to leave the building.
 They just saw me onstage a minute ago.
 Now they see me walking in the front door.
 You gotta see it through my eyes.
 “He’s big, but he’s fast.
 I don’t know how he did that one.
 That’s pretty good.”
 I come in, and immediately I cut right, to where the lady and the paramedics are sitting on the steps to the balcony.
 The lobby is starting to fill up with people.
 I’m trying to get from point A to point B without getting stopped.
 So I started doing this, and I know it’s gonna look a little weird, but it worked.
 “Are you okay? Are you all right?”
 People see me doing this, and immediately they’re puzzled.
 The way you looked at me now, like that.
 And they did this.
 “What the hell’s he doing?”
 It made everybody take two steps back and do like this.
 It created a hole for me to get to them.
 Then they see the paramedics, and they realize what I was trying to do.
 Everything was fine till I got really close.
 And then one of the paramedics calls me out.
 “What are you doing to the lady?”
 I go, “Listen, sir.
 The woman obviously sustained a head injury.
 I’m giving her a chance to process the fact that it’s really me.
 And I’m slowly… getting closer to her.
 I realize now that I’m in this incredible position where I can no longer walk up from behind someone at one of my shows and go, ‘Hey!’” “Why not?”
 “Cause then– ‘Clear!’” “Fluffy killed another one.”
 [imitates kick]
 So finally the lady looks up.
 She must have been 55, 60, little Asian woman.
 She sees me, and she’s, like– [breathing heavily]
 “You too funny.
 You almost a-kill me!”
 “I am so sorry.
 Are you okay? Is there anything I could do to make you feel better?”
 “Yes.
 Yes, feel better.
 I would like two T-shirt.”
 “I’m gonna get you two T-shirts.”
 “And two DVD.”
 I’m like, “You’re not that hurt.
 Get your ass over here.”
 So I stand her up, and immediately one of the paramedics– “Hey.
 She hit her head.
 She shouldn’t be standing.”
 I said, “I’m the artist performing here tonight.
 I accept full responsibility over this woman.
 I got her.
 It’s cool.”
 Plus, she’s tiny.
 We’re only walking ten feet to the merchandise table.
 No big deal.
 I say, “Come on.
 I got you.
 Let’s go.”
 As soon as we start walking, she starts venting.
 [breathing heavily]
 “Mr.
 Fluffy.
 You have no idea kind of week I have.
 My son, he marry this girl.
 She no cook, no clean.
 Move into my house.
 Now I have to cook and clean for two.
 Oh, some bullshit.”
 And I’m like, “Oh, my God.
 That’s gonna happen to me.”
 “Mr.
 Fluffy, I must apologize to you because I do not know who you are until today.
 I have a friend who give me ticket.
 She say, ‘Susie, you stress so much.
 You need to get out.
 Husband win ticket in raffle.
 Only have one ticket.
 You take it.
’ So I look at the ticket.
 Ticket say, ‘The Fluffy.
’ I don’t know what comedy show is because I never go comedy show.
 I see ‘Fluffy,’ I think is musical like Cats.
 I say, ‘Okay.
 I go see Fluffy Cats.
’ So I come here early so I can get the popcorn and the soda.
 So I sit and I wait for Fluffy Cats.
 Next thing I know, your friend Martin, he walk out onstage with the big hair, big goatee.
 I say, ‘Oh, ho, ho.
 This not Cats.
 This not Cats.
 This Lion King.
 That’s a Mexican Mufasa.
’ And he start crack jokes.
 I start laugh, laugh.
 I laugh.
 Then you come out onstage.
 I cannot take.
 I can’t breathe.
 I black out.
 And when I wake up, I have ice pack on the head, blood in the eye, and the two young white paramedics, they both touch me right here.
 They say, ‘Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?’” “What did you tell them?”
 “Ho-ho.
 ‘Never better.
’ Susie never have two young white men touch me right here, same time.
 Oh, your show very special, Mr.
 Fluffy.
 Very special.
 You show like Make-A-Wish.
 If I have a scar–” “You’re gonna sue me.”
 “No.
 No, no, no, no, no.
 No! Not going to sue.
 If I have a scar, and the friends ask me, ‘Hey.
----Punchline----
 How you get scar?’… now I have great story to tell.


Similarity Score:0.068762278978389
Percent Error Setup:445.17627441638876%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:420.4089657884389%
----Setup----
 ‘Two white men, same time.
’ While Mexican watch.”
 [mouths words]
 I get her back to the paramedics.
 The paramedics are like, “She’s a handful, huh?”
 I’m like, “Oh, yeah.
 She’s horny.
 She likes you.
 Here you go.”


As soon as I turn around, all I see is a lobby full of people and a bunch of cell phones.
 There’s footage of what I just told you out there.
 Everybody was recording what happened.
 What I thought was cool is everybody waited for me to finish with the lady and the paramedics.
 All of a sudden, when I turned around– [imitates whooshing]
 People started coming up.
 Some people wanted to shake my hand, some people wanted to high-five.
 One guy just wanted to hug me, and he didn’t say anything.
 He just hugged me, just– “Are you okay?”
 [shaky breathing]
 “You sure?”
 [shaky breathing]
 “All right.”
 Couple of kids are looking at me, like– And for me, I thought that was so cute, because I recognized that twinkle.
 I’ve looked at someone like that before.
I’ve been starstruck many, many times.
 As a matter of fact, this past year, I got to meet one of my childhood heroes.
----Punchline----
 I got to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger.


Similarity Score:0.1477832512315271
Percent Error Setup:6.2172463077656035%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:3.775068816358633%
----Setup----
 Now some of you are clapping, some of you are like, “Wait, wait, wait.”
 Here’s the thing.
 I didn’t love him as a politician, and I was too young to know him as a bodybuilder.
 All I knew was The Terminator was my favorite movie, and he was the Terminator.
 So, here’s the story.
 I’m in LA, at this red carpet event for some movie I still haven’t seen.
 I’m standing there with my publicist, okay? I’m standing there with my publicist, and she’s explaining to me how the red carpet works.
 “Listen, Gabriel.
 This is what’s gonna happen.
 You’re gonna go down the red carpet, and then the paparazzi’s gonna start taking photos of you, and then someone’s gonna ask you some questions.
 It’s a lot of fun.
 Then we’ll go inside, and we’ll go to the after-party.
 It’s gonna be great.”
 As she’s telling me this, I’m looking around, and I look over and I notice– I see him.
 I see Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 And I freak out.
 [stammering, babbling]
 “It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger! It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger!”
 “Relax.
 Relax.
 You’ve never met Arnie?”
 I said, “No, I’ve never met Arnie.”
 “I work with him all the time.
 He’s really nice.
 Would you like me to introduce you?”
 I’m like, “Yes!”
 She takes me by the hand, and she walks me directly to Arnold.
 I’m freaking out so bad.
 I look like a big-ass toddler.
 We get over to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s area.
 He’s Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 He’s already got a big group of people around him, waiting to take a photo.
 So I’m just patiently waiting.
 As I’m watching him, you guys– I gotta tell you right now.
 No one on this planet is better at meeting people than Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 He is the greatest people-meeter I’ve ever witnessed.
 The reason I say this is because when you meet him, he’s very engaging.
 He grabs your hand.
 He pulls you in.
 He looks at you in the eyes and he turns it on.
 When you meet Arnold, you get exactly what you think you’re gonna get.
 It’s awesome to watch.
 [imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger]
 “How are you? So nice to meet you.
 You so strong.
 You pump iron? Ay! Look at you! This is incredible, got these lights and this red carpet.
 ’Scuse me.
 How are you? Ay! You so strong! You pump iron? This is incredible.
 Look at you.”
 People are walking away from him, looking at their hand.
 They’re looking at their hand, you guys.
 Ten minutes I’m watching Arnold Schwarzenegger light people up.
 Then I notice something else.
 I notice that Arnold has a handler, a guy who stands right behind him.
 And it’s this guy’s job to basically reset Arnold for the next person he’s about to meet.
 Arnold Schwarzenegger will never cut off a conversation with a fan.
 The guy behind him listens in on the conversation, and he determines when enough is enough, and then he signals Arnold to cut it off and move on.
 Here’s the signal.
 He grabs the back of Arnold’s arm, right there, two times.
 One, two.
 That lets Arnold know: cut it off, time to move on.
 Always to the left.
 Awesome to watch.
 “This is incredible with these lights and these special effects going on here.
 ’Scuse me.
 How are you? Nice to meet you.
 You so strong.
 Ay!”
 I’m, like– [gasps]
 So I yell out to the handler, “Hey!”
 And the handler turns around.
----Punchline----
 “Hit him! I wanna meet him! Hit him!”


Similarity Score:0.10273972602739725
Percent Error Setup:211.60671748451642%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:198.54502556036178%
----Setup----
 So he gives me one of these.
 Next thing you know, he is lighting Arnold up.
 He is hitting Arnold so fast, Arnold can barely keep up.
 “’Scuse me.
 Pardon me.
 How are you? ’Scuse me.
 Pardon me.
 High five.
 High five.
 ’Scuse me.
 Hello.
 How are you? Pound, pound, pound pound.”
 He’s coming down the line, coming down the line, and I’m just waiting.
 [heavy exhale]
 I stick my hand out, and he grabbed it.
 “How are you? So– I recognize you.
 I know who you are.
 You’re that comedian who does the joke about the Indian man trying to rob a bank, but he cannot rob the bank because they are making fun of him.”
 And in my head, I’m, like– [squealing]
 “He knows me!”
 Outside, I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me.”
 “You are hysterical.
 Give me your contact information.
 You are the funniest person– ’Scuse me.
 How are you? Nice to meet you.
 You so strong.”
 “Hey!”
 Meeting Arnold is like a really good roller coaster.
 You want to go to the end and meet him one more time.
 It was so cool because I’m watching him– And people started recording him.
For me, it’s one of those things where I’m finding myself in a very interesting situation right now, because I like hanging out, I like going out.
 I’ve been drunk in Chicago many, many times.
 I like to have fun.
----Punchline----
 Here’s the problem.
----Tagline(s)----
 I recently signed a contract with ABC Television in hopes of producing my very own sitcom for TV.


Similarity Score:0.2868217054263566
Percent Error Setup:26.81038589804669%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:1795.8333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:31.891466771529693%
----Setup----
 It’s not a guarantee, but I am guaranteed a pilot.
 Here’s the problem.
 ABC is owned… by Disney.
 Disney is such a huge brand that anytime someone threatens the way you look at that brand, they are dealt with in a very un-Disney-like way.
 This sitcom that I’m producing is about me.
 I play myself.
 I play Gabriel Iglesias.
 It’s about me, my family, my friends.
 My friend Martin… is not allowed on the show.
 Not per me.
 Take it up with the Mouse.
 They look at your social media.
 They look at your stuff online.
 If there’s anything about you that doesn’t fit that model, they will freaking– mmmm.
 And I’m paranoid, because Disney’s so big.
 They’re so huge.
 They own television stations.
 They own radio stations.
 They own Marvel Comics.
 They own Star Wars.
 I don’t need that phone call, you know? [imitates phone ringing, line connecting]
 “Hello?”
 [imitating Yoda]
 “Mmm.
 Fucked up, you did.”
 I’m so freaking paranoid, you guys.
 Because nowadays, people are always recording.
 If you do something that might look stupid, it can end up turning out even worse.
 For example, say I fall off the stage tonight and someone’s recording that.
 If TMZ gets ahold of that, it can go viral.
 And God forbid, something happens to me, it can make the news.
 [imitating reporter]
 “We’re standing here in front of the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois, where authorities believe Fluffy lost control.
 The 39-year-old comedian was found dead for the second time in two years.
 No one knows exactly what happened here tonight.
 Authorities had this to say.”
 [clicks tongue]
----Punchline----
 “Aah!”


Similarity Score:0.14760147601476015
Percent Error Setup:45.77775131014769%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:38.537160833661034%
----Setup----
That’s why I’m saying I gotta be careful, because I still enjoy my habits.
 I still like drinking.
 Of course, some people pull me aside and say, “Gabriel, why do you drink? Why do you drink? You have so many responsibilities and people you take care of.
 Why do you drink?”
 “Because I have a lot of responsibilities and people to take care of.”
 Some of you already know because you’ve been to my shows in the past.
 My poison of choice is tequila.
 Certain alcohol I no longer mess with anymore.
 Like, I no longer mess with Jäger.
 [people shouting]
 See, first of all, any alcohol that will make you say its name… is not safe.
 That’s the only alcohol that will make you do that.
 That’s the only one you hear people– “Jäger!”
 You don’t hear anyone else.
 You don’t hear Mexicans– “¡Tequila! ¡Güey!”
 You don’t hear black people– “Hennessy, playa.”
 You don’t hear Japanese– “Whoo! Sake! Sake!”
 Jäger is scary for a few reasons.
 One, I’m Type II diabetic.
 I shouldn’t even be drinking.
 But Jäger has twice as much sugar in it.
 Second thing is the consistency.
 It’s very sticky.
 It’s like cough syrup.
 So if you drink too much of it, it holds on longer than anything else.
 And it’s nasty.
 When you drink it, you’re, like– [groans, coughs]
 Pa la tos.
 Pa la tos.
 It’s horrible.
 If you drink too much of it, it holds on longer than anything else.
 You know? If you have one too many beers, you know what happens.
 You get the– [gurgles]
 Then you return it to the rightful owner.
 Jäger makes you feel like you gotta bring it back, but you can’t.
 All it does it make you dramatic for 45 minutes until it lets go.
 You’ve seen someone like that.
 “Hey, you okay?”
 “I’m fine, bro–” [retches]
 They can’t throw up.
 All they’re doing is six-minute abs.
 [grunting]
 People look at you the next day.
 “Are you into fitness?”
 “No, I’m a drunk.”
 Man, Jäger is scary.


Another alcohol I refuse to mess with anymore… is wine.
 Look at the people– [clearing throat]
 “We’re from Schaumburg.”
 Those of you that don’t know, Schaumburg is the Beverly Hills of the area, so– I’m sure you figured that out.
 Um– My issue with wine is very simple.
 I don’t like the fact that wine is socially accepted.
 What I mean by that is that if you see someone with a bottle of wine, if you see a guy crossing the street with a bottle of wine, immediately he’s judged, but in a positive way, because wine is always associated with something high-class, something positive, something progressive, an anniversary, a celebration, a promotion.
 So you try to figure it out.
 “What do you think is going on over there? Graduation? Promotion? It’s gotta be good.
 Hey, good for you, buddy.”
 Women see a man with a bottle of wine, holding a couple of glasses, and immediately– [imitates woman’s voice]
 “Aw! Lucky bitch.”


It’s still alcohol.
 It will still mess you up.
 The main reason why I don’t like wine is because you cannot accurately measure wine.
 You can measure real liquor.
 It’s called a shot.
 And you know after drinking enough times what you can handle and what you can’t handle.
 Because people who drink a lot love to brag about their drinking abilities.
 -They have their drinking number.
 Right? -[audience member shouts]
 They have their drinking number.
 You’ll hear ’em, you know.
 “Eleven shots of Don Julio.
 Whoo! Yeah!”
 They have their drinking number, even women.
 [imitates woman’s voice]
 “After four shots of Cuervo, I am so good.
 Four shots is my sweet spot.”
 [low voice]
 “What happens if you do five?”
 “I’ll wake up in an alley.”
 “What happens if you do six?”
 “That’s how I met Tyrone.”
 [mouthing words]


See, with wine you cannot accurately measure how much you’re drinking unless you’re basing it on the bottle.
 And if you’re basing it on the bottle, then that’s a whole different issue.
 With wine, the glasses are always different sizes.
 Sometimes they’re big glasses.
 Sometimes they’re small glasses.
 And a lot of times you need to rely on someone to pour it for you.
 Sometimes they know what they’re doing.
 Sometimes they don’t.
 Sometimes they fill it up too high, which is not the proper amount.
 Sometimes they get it just right, which is a little bit less than half of the glass.
 Sometimes you get that greedy bastard from Olive Garden.
 You get that little sample.
 You have to hold it up in direct sunlight and do this.
 Then you drink it.
 “That’s pretty good.
 I got a coupon.
 Here you go.”


And you never see wine drinkers drinking with real drinkers in dive bars.
 You might see ’em at a social gathering like this one or some corporate function, but never at a little hole in the wall.
 You’ll never see– “Jäger!”
 “¡Tequila! ¡Güey!”
 And in the middle– [English accent]
 “Merlot, I say.
 Oh, this is a fantastic establishment.
 I truly enjoy the decor here.
 This is amazing.
 This is brilliant, I tell you.
 Who cuts your grass? It’s fantastic.”
 I’m sorry.
 That voice always makes me laugh.
 I like it.
 It makes me smile, you know, when we’re here… in America.
 Whenever I travel and I perform in England, -that voice takes on a different meaning.
----Punchline----
 -Whoo! I heard a “whoo.”


Similarity Score:0.09523809523809523
Percent Error Setup:386.10647927584563%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:361.6201337003539%
----Setup----
 All right.
 Let me tell the rest of the people about you.
 I love it whenever people from the UK come here to the United States, because when we hear you speak, you sound incredible, you sound amazing, you sound educated, you sound inspirational.
 That accent is so proper.
 It is so proper.
 It doesn’t matter what you’re talking about, we’re drawn to whatever it is.
 You could be talking about trash, it sounds amazing.
 “Who could leave all this rubbish here? This is such a travesty.
 This is– All this destruction here all over the sidewalk.
 Someone must tend to this at once.
 This is ridiculous.”
 People are listening in.
 “I don’t know what happened over there, but the shit hit the fan.
 That guy from England is pissed.
 I don’t know.
 What the hell is ‘rubbish’?”


See, it’s very different.
 Now, when one of us goes over there, man, it’s very, very different, because, see, we don’t sound the same as them.
 As a matter of fact, as Americans, we have a certain way with the English language.
 Do you understand how we sound to them? I mean, seriously, do you know how they look at us when they hear us speak? We sound like this to them: [Southern accent]
 “I’ll tell you, the other day I was hanging out with Phil.
 That sumbitch come over to the house.
 We had ourselves a good old time.
 Just me and Phil.”
 By the way, if you sound like that here tonight, I’m kidding.
 They’re just jokes.
 Don’t feel like just, you know, “I’m-a wait for his ass outside.
 I’ll see how funny he is when he gets to the parking lot.
 Fluffy, my ass.”
 I just think it’s funny… that, no matter what they talk about over there, they sound the same.
 It sounds the same, you know.


Whereas with us, Americans, we speak according to our environment.
 We change it up.
 We morph.
 We adapt.
 We all have our– For example, we all have our “trying to get a good job” voice.
 When you walk in for that interview, you don’t sound the way you sound on a Saturday night when you’re having a couple drinks.
 You clean it up.
 You practice in the car.
 And when you walk in, you turn it on.
 “If you’ll check my references, you’ll see I’m more than qualified for this position.
 Please feel free to call Frank Torres.
 Frank will tell you the amazing job I did for him two and a half weeks ago.
 Listen, I’m ready to work seven days a week, 365 days a year.
 No job is too big.
 No task is too small.
 You can count on me.
 I’m the right person for the job.
 Please keep me in mind.
----Punchline----
 Thank you for your time.”


Similarity Score:0.14072494669509594
Percent Error Setup:150.91114816579324%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:139.75619347227683%
----Setup----
 Then you get to the parking lot, and you’re like, “Whew! Hijo de la chingada.
 Ojalá me dé trabajo porque está cabrón, güey.
 [Spanish accent]
 I need a job, man.
 I need a job.
 Whew!”


You guys know we all have our daytime voice that we have around our family and our friends and our children, you know.
 And then we have our late night voice, you know, our party voice.
 “Jäger!”
 And then, if you’re lucky enough, you have your late, late, late night voice.
 “That’s right.
 You don’t know what’s about to happen.
 You better get on– Te voy a agarrar… 
[mumbles]
 Te gusta así, ¿verdad?”
 Some of you are looking at me like, “Oh, my God, Fluffy’s a freak.”
 I’m just giving an example.
 All the kids are like, “Oh, this is different.”
 Sorry.
 I see those kids, and they’re just like– [gasps]
 Dad’s like, “Pinche Fluffy.
 No, no, no, no, no.
 Stupid.
 Bad Fluffy.
 Bad Fluffy.
 Bad Fluffy.”
 But, see, now over there, they sound the same no matter what they’re doing.
 When they apply for a job.
 “If you’ll check my references, you will see I’m qualified for this position.”
 When they party.
 “If you’ll pour the wine, I will drink it.
 It is brilliant, I tell you.”
 When they’re making love.
 “I’m going to part your legs like the Red Sea.
 I’m going to defile you in such an amazing fashion, you will rue the day you came across me at that local pub.
 I’m going to lower my drawbridge and introduce you to the queen! Yes, I shall.
 When you arrive at that magical moment, I want you to scream ‘victory.
’” “Victory!”
----Punchline----
 “My job is done here.”


Similarity Score:0.18947368421052632
Percent Error Setup:51.19699857074798%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:45.69406213134094%
----Setup----
 The only messed-up part about that joke is that that’s the only joke the kids remember.
 Two weeks from now, you’re trying to get in the room.
 You’re like, “Why is this door locked?”
 And then you hear, “Victory!”
I see a couple of young adults there.
 How old are you guys? -Thirteen.
 -[Gabriel]
 Thirteen.
 Wow.
 And next to you? -[Gabriel]
 How old are you? -Ten.
 You’re ten.
 [gasps]
 Okay.
 I am so sorry for what Martin said.
 Ten years old.
 I can’t feel too bad because you know what? Ten-year-olds are young adults.
 You are a young adult.
 I don’t see you as a kid.
 A kid to me, first of all, is someone who doesn’t have access to the Internet.
 You have, I’m sure, a tablet, a cell phone or access to online services, right? Services.
 “What the hell is he talking about?”
 Bad choice of words.
 You know what I mean, right? You’ve probably seen and heard a few things already.
 And the parents are like, “No, not my child.
 I lock their phone.”
 Yeah, but you don’t lock their friend’s phone.
 I feel bad whenever I say something that’s kind of, like, risqué whenever parents bring a four-year-old, five-year-old, six-year-old.
 And, yes, it happens.
 Then I feel bad.
 I’ll meet ’em after the show and I’m like, “I am so sorry for what you heard me say.”
 And it’s always funny to see the parents say, “Oh, they hear worse at home.”
----Punchline----
 Nothing like watching a four-year-old confirm that.


Similarity Score:0.23622047244094488
Percent Error Setup:33.31348261076703%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:29.84663782933543%
----Setup----
 Like, for example, my son.
 He’s 18 years old, but he still doesn’t cuss at home.
 Okay? Whatever he does in public, I have no control over.
 But at home he knows he cannot cuss.
 One time.
 One time in, like, 13 years I caught my son cussing at home, and I couldn’t even get mad.
----Punchline----
 He had fallen down the stairs.


Similarity Score:0.21875
Percent Error Setup:69.11029061457837%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:67.28273692489186%
----Setup----
 I don’t mean to laugh, but think about it.
 What am I gonna do to him that’s worse than what he just did to himself? I heard it too.
 [screams]
 [imitates clattering sound]
 “Son of a bitch!”
 [imitates thud]
 I ran over.
 I didn’t even check his safety.
 I was like, “What did you say? Hey, you earned that one.”
 I said, “If you want to say the F-word, next time let me push you.”
 That’s when I knew he fell hard.
 “Really?”
 “No.
 Get up here.
----Punchline----
 Come on.”


Similarity Score:0.43956043956043955
Percent Error Setup:52.31062410671748%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:53.48014156508061%
----Setup----
Cool.
 Welcome, you guys.
 Hope you have a good– I know you’re getting nervous, Dad.
 You’re like, “What’s he telling my son?”
 No, nothing.
 Being cool.
 But thank you for trusting me to bring your kids to the show.
----Punchline----
 Yeah.


Similarity Score:0.6341463414634146
Percent Error Setup:78.86493568365889%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.04050334250886%
----Setup----
 -Or your young adults.
 Sorry.
 Thank you for trusting me to bring your young adults to the show.
----Punchline----
 By the way, I know I keep pointing at people in the front right here.


Similarity Score:0.6285714285714286
Percent Error Setup:89.70343020485946%
Percent Error Punchline:59.47426067907996%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:82.10774675580024%
----Setup----
 If you’re here tonight… with someone you have no business being here with… and you see a camera coming by, just be like, “Hey.
 [hisses, grunts]
 Victory!”
 They’re very respectful.
 They’ll go to the next person.
----Punchline----
 Don’t even worry about that.
----Tagline(s)----
Before I forget, you guys, I would like to thank the Allstate Arena for providing some amazing accommodations backstage.


Similarity Score:0.38095238095238093
Percent Error Setup:79.94878513577895%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:1795.8333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:67.79394416044042%
----Setup----
 Let me tell you right now, I love my dressing room for the simple fact that it has basic things that I really like, like light switches.
 A lot of these arenas are now starting to go green.
 So they’re taking away the light switches and they’re replacing ’em with sensors.
 Sensors are cool when they work.
 Know what I mean? You’re ten feet away, it senses you, and the whole room just– [imitates electrical hum]
 What I don’t like is when they’re messed up, you have to walk into a dark-ass room and establish your presence.
 [imitates electrical hum]
 But then you stand still for four seconds.
 [imitates hum stopping]
 “Shit!”
 [imitates electrical hum]


In addition, backstage my sink has knobs on it.
 I have control of the temperature and pressure of the water, which in the Chicago area, I believe, is very important, especially in the winter.
 Oh, man, you guys are no joke in the winter.
 You need warm water when you wash your hands.
 You can’t rely on a sensor that gives you nothing but cold water, ’cause you wash your hands with cold water, your hands get all cryptic.
 You go outside, people are making fun of you.
 “Lookit.
 ‘Thriller.
’” My dressing room, you guys, has a sink that has hot and cold– You can control the water.
 You can control the temperature.
 You can control the pressure.
 I hate it when they take that away from us and replace it with that little sensor.
 So now, in addition to being a comedian, now I gotta be a magician.
 I’m not a magician, but if you watch me wash my hands, that’s what I look like.
 Nothing.
 Then you walk away.
 [imitates water running]
 I feel like there’s someone behind the mirror messing with me.
 “Watch this.”
 [imitates water running intermittently]


Some places stop there.
 Some places keep going.
 I like a lot of soap when I wash my hands.
 I like a good soap dispenser.
 I like the, you know, the pump, the– [imitates soap dispenser squirting]
 I hate it when they take that away from us and then they replace it with that little spout that goes next to the faucet.
 You stick your hand under it, and it gives you that little booger of soap.
 You know what I mean? That little moco.
 You put it under.
 You– [imitates dispenser spitting]
 You need more.
 So you pull it out and then go back in.
 But the sensor’s like, “No.
 It’s still you.”
 Now you gotta trick it, right? Once you get enough soap on your hands, you gotta try to wash it off.
 But you can’t wash it off then because the timer for the water has timed out.
 So now you have to back up and now you have to put on a second performance.
 Now it’s a race to get that soap off your hands.


Once you get the soap off your hands, now you gotta try to dry your hands.
 Some places still give you a towel.
 Some places give you paper towels.
 Some take the paper towels and put ’em in a box on the wall with another sensor.
 And there you are.
 [imitates dispenser humming, paper tearing]
 Three inches of paper.
 Three inches, Chicago.
 You can’t do anything with three inches.
 Ask any woman.
 They’ll tell you.
 Or a guy.
 I’m equal opportunity.
 I need control of the paper.
 I need the crank, the– [imitates dispenser cranking]
 [imitates paper tearing]
 [squeaking sound]


Some places stop there.
 Some places keep going.
 Have you ever walked into the bathroom stall… close the door, locked it, turned around, looked at the toilet and seen a blinking red light on the wall? And you’re like, “Really? Here too?”
 All you’re trying to do is get the tissue paper off the wall for the toilet seat.
 You take one step– [imitates toilet flushing]
 I haven’t even done anything.
 You grab the paper.
 [imitates paper crinkling]
 [imitates paper whooshing]
 [imitates toilet flushing]
 Hey! [imitates paper crinkling, whooshing]
 You turn around and you put it on like a cape.
 [imitates paper whooshing]
 And you let it slide down your back while you slowly try to time it just right.
 Just as you’re about to sit down, somebody walks into the bathroom and distracts you.
 [imitates door clicking]
 Huh? [imitates toilet flushing]
 But it’s too late.
 Your knees are bent.
 And unless you do CrossFit, you’re not coming back from that one.
 Then your bare ass touches the seat… and you’re like, “Aah!”
 And just when you think it can’t get any worse– [imitates toilet flushing]
 And all this water’s splashing up, hitting you right in the ass.
 And then the water goes down the drain and it creates that air vortex that goes right between your legs.
 So now you have a tsunami in the back, you have a tornado in the front.
 And who’s the victim? [high-pitched voice]
 Pikachu.
 And he’s holding on for dear life.
 You haven’t even made magic yet, and you’ve already been violated by plumbing.


Now you do what you need to do.
 You finish.
 Now it’s time for clean-up, time for maintenance.
 So you reach over for the toilet paper.
 And the problem with using the restroom nowadays is that most venues, including this one, instead of putting a human-size toilet paper roll inside of the human-size toilet paper roll dispenser… they take their ass to Costco or Sam’s Club or one of these places where you buy in bulk, and they buy that giant gorilla roll of toilet paper.
 Then they come back here and they force it into that little tiny compartment… and then they close the door on it.
 [imitates door latching]
 So now this giant wheel is locked in place.
 You can’t even spin it.
 You’re just– [grunting]
 You can’t even find where it starts because they glue it.
 Out of desperation you gotta pull out your car keys and cut into the side of it like a bag of cocaine on Narcos.
 Then you get the paper.
 [imitates paper whooshing, snapping]
 You try to wipe.
 [imitates scraping sound]
 [screams]


Chicago, a year from now, a year from now I am predicting that they are going to take 100% control of the restroom.
 You’re gonna be sitting there, and you’re gonna think of me ’cause you’re gonna see it.
 You’re gonna look over to get the toilet paper, and there’s gonna be a blinking red light on it.
----Punchline----
 And you’re gonna be like, “Oh, my God, Fluffy called it.”


Similarity Score:0.08249312557286893
Percent Error Setup:484.73677941877077%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:457.72709398348405%
----Setup----
 [imitates dispenser humming, paper tearing]
 One sheet.
 [imitates dispenser humming, paper tearing repeatedly]
 You’re gonna get frustrated and just sit on it, just– [imitates dispenser humming constantly]
 [imitates paper tearing]
 Sorry, bro.
----Punchline----
 I know that was a lot of culo I threw at you right there.
----Tagline(s)----
 She’s like, “It’s like Magic Mike.”


Similarity Score:0.4642857142857143
Percent Error Setup:82.11648404001906%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:71.37239480928038%
----Setup----
 I am so sorry, bro.
 That was a lot.
 “Damn!”
Yeah.
 You guys, I understand.
 I understand why they do this to our restrooms, why they put sensors in places, because they’re trying to save energy, they’re trying to save water.
 I live in California.
 We need water.
 Okay? We do.
 But some places need sensors, some places don’t.
 Some places are good at teaching us how to conserve energy and conserve water.
 Some places are horrible at it, like the hotel that we’re staying at.
 They have a very basic thing that they do.
 They have a little cardboard sign that hangs on the towel rack in the bathroom.
 All it says is, “Please help save water by reusing your towel.”
 On the back, a diagram shows you the millions of gallons of water that are saved every year when people reuse their towel.
 I reuse ’em at home.
 I got no problem doing that at the hotel.
 It’s my towel.
 Some people don’t want to reuse their towels.
 They’re like, “That towel’s dirty.”
 Well, if that towel’s dirty, then you suck at showers.
 Because theoretically that white towel should be white every single time you use it.
 But, no, people like to roll it up and then go expert mode with it.
 And now you waste more water trying to get that out.


Like I said, some places are good at teaching us how to save energy, save water.
 Some places are horrible at it.
 I was at a university not too long ago very close to here.
 And this university has a lot of money, so much so that they have their own private police department on campus.
 It’s only for the campus.
 Now, that’s not a big deal.
 There’s a lot of colleges that have their own on-campus police.
----Punchline----
 The difference is this college, somehow or another, wound up giving the police department Priuses to use for their patrol cars.


Similarity Score:0.15432098765432098
Percent Error Setup:63.66126727012863%
Percent Error Punchline:119.27710843373494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.63114431773496%
----Setup----
 -Some of you already know the university.
 Now, look, this is not even a joke.
 My thing is that, if you’re an officer of the law… it’s your job to fight crime.
 The first thing that people see when you arrive on a scene is your mode of transportation.
 Your vehicle needs to establish dominance of the situation before you set one foot outside.
 In California, over 65% of California Highway Patrol officers now drive SUVs.
 So when you get stopped over there, you feel it.
 You’re intimidated by it.
 [imitates loud engine slowing]
 [imitates siren blaring, horn honking]
 And people jump out on the freeway.
 “Don’t kill me!”
 Now, imagine getting stopped by– [imitates high-pitched motor slowing]
 Don’t let me get stopped by a cop in a Prius… with attitude.
----Punchline----
 “You know why I stopped you?”


Similarity Score:0.2446043165467626
Percent Error Setup:28.46593616007623%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:28.94219425874951%
----Setup----
 ’Cause I let you? Imagine the first time they did a DUI stop.
 The cop probably didn’t even get out of the car.
 He just stayed on the radio.
 “Sir, step out of your vehicle right now.”
 “Okay.
 Okay.”
 [imitates door slamming]
 “All right.
 Is that a Prius? I must be drunk.”
 “Sir, walk the line.”
 “Okay, all right, all right, all right.
 Officer? [coughs]
 If I gotta go to jail, can you call a real cop car to pick me up?”
 “Stop being a smart-ass.
 Walk the line.”
 “Okay.
 Hey, real quick, real quick, real quick, real quick.
 Hey, hey, hey, charge my phone.”
 “That’s it.
 You’re going to jail.”
 [clicks tongue]
 “Aah!”
----Punchline----
 [imitates high-pitched motor]


Similarity Score:0.4369747899159664
Percent Error Setup:37.67865650309671%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:39.166338969720805%
----Setup----
I don’t know, man.
 -[man shouting]
 -A lot of time– Yes, sir? ¿Qué pasó? [audience members shouting]
 I love you too, bro.
----Punchline----
 Give me cake, sugar-free.


Similarity Score:0.7407407407407407
Percent Error Setup:88.07765602667938%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:86.19740464018875%
----Setup----
 Thank you.
 I gotta be careful.
 I almost slipped right there.
 He’s like, “I’ll catch you.”
 Yeah, you’ll catch me, you’ll catch me and you’ll catch me.
 It’s like SeaWorld without the water.
 I gotta start being careful, you guys, because I’m noticing now, after six specials, that a lot of my material, a lot of my stories are starting to come back to haunt me.
 Some of them in good ways, some of them not so good.
 For example, in 1997… on TV one time, one time, I said, “I love chocolate cake.”
 One time.
 Nineteen years later, people are still bringing me chocolate cakes.
 That is crazy.
 I mean, think about that.
 Nineteen years ago, and I’m still getting cake.
 I’ve only said it one time.
 Next thing you know, I talked about how much I love diet sodas.
 Next thing you know, people started bringing me diet sodas.
 In the following special, Aloha Fluffy, I started talking about how my son’s growing a little bit older and the hormones are kicking in and he needed to use deodorant.
 Next thing you know, his friends started bringing deodorant and people started bringing deodorant to my shows for me to give to my son.
----Punchline----
 In that same special, Aloha Fluffy…I told a story, a story that went viral, called “The Racist Gift Basket Story.”


Similarity Score:0.18502202643171806
Percent Error Setup:11.63649356836589%
Percent Error Punchline:109.30996714129245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:16.044042469524186%
----Setup----
 The story itself is about 15 minutes long, okay? I’m gonna give you the three-minute version of that story so you understand what’s going on.
 Basically, Martin and I are doing a show in Sacramento, California.
 We’re driving from LA to Sacramento.
 We’re passing through a small town called Fresno.
 As we’re passing through Fresno, we reach out to the local promoter who does the shows there.
 We’re good friends with him.
 And he tells us, you know, ’cause we’re trying to have lunch– And he goes, “He’s busy.
 But by the way, G Reilly’s in town.”
 And we’re like, “Oh, shoot, our friend G Reilly’s in town.”
 “He’s at the hotel.”
 “All right, he’s at the hotel.”
 We knew exactly where he was at.
 So I say, “Martin, how about we go and visit G?”
 Martin goes, “Let’s stop by.”
 I figured first let’s pick up some sodas, some drinks so we can surprise him.
 We get to the market.
 We walk in the door, we see a whole pile of gift baskets.
 Martin goes, “We should get him a gift basket.”
 I said, “Martin, G Reilly doesn’t like gift baskets, okay? He doesn’t like the fancy wine and the fancy cheese and the sausage.
----Punchline----
 He definitely hates crackers.”
----Tagline(s)----
 -You don’t even know why that’s so funny.


Similarity Score:0.15315315315315314
Percent Error Setup:12.178418294425917%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:847.9166666666666%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:13.488006291781362%
----Setup----
 I said, “How about this, Martin? He doesn’t know we’re coming.
 Let’s have fun with him.
 How about we make him a racist gift basket?”
 And Martin goes, “What’s that?”
 I go, “You know, Martin, a racist gift basket, a gift basket designed to have fun with whatever race you’re trying to mess with.”
 Now, in G’s case, he’s black.
 It was easy.
 Now, I say easy not to be an ass.
 I say easy because there are so many stereotypes attached to African Americans.
 So we had this empty gift basket.
 What did we put in it? Fried chicken, watermelon, Kool-Aid, grape soda, barbecued potato chips, sunflower seeds, an Ebony magazine, a Chris Rock DVD called Bigger and Blacker, Magnum condoms, Newport cigarettes, a rack of ribs, the recipe for corn bread.
 We put everything but a white girl with a big ass in the basket.
 We wrapped it up really nice, we put a big bow on it and took it to the hotel.
 We had the girl at the front desk deliver it to his room.
 Martin and I are waiting in the hallway where he can’t see us.
 So she knocks on the door.
 [imitates knocking]
 G Reilly opens the door.
 She gives him the gift basket.
 He says, “Thank you,” closes the door.
 [imitates door closing]
 Martin and I run to the door, and we start listening to him opening up the gift basket.
 As he’s opening it, he’s getting excited.
 And he is enjoying every single thing he is pulling out of that basket.
 He is loving this basket until he realizes it’s a practical joke, and then he freaks out because he read the greeting card.
 The greeting card freaked him out because now he thinks that the KKK sent the gift basket.
 Some of you are like, “Why does he think that?”
 ’Cause that’s what we wrote.
 If you’re gonna do a practical joke, you go big or you go home.
----Punchline----
 So he freaks out and he tries to run out of the hotel room.


Similarity Score:0.16231884057971013
Percent Error Setup:78.83515959980943%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.36649626425482%
----Setup----
 So then he cusses us out.
 He forgives us, gives us a hug, high five, we go back in his room.
 And then I eat his chicken.
 What winds up happening is that story goes crazy on Comedy Central.
 People are giving ’em a hard time.
 They pull it.
 Next thing you know, I upload it through YouTube.
 Ten million views it gets on YouTube.
 Then they flag it because the word “racist” is in the title.
 So it gets pulled off.
 So then I reupload it.
 It gets another ten million.
 Then I had people share it.
 All in all, the video’s probably gotten about a little over a hundred million views.
----Punchline----
 So here’s what happened.


Similarity Score:0.2689075630252101
Percent Error Setup:38.22058122915674%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:39.166338969720805%
----Setup----
 the diet soda… and the deodorant… before you know it, people started bringing me… Mexican racist gift baskets.
 Now, when it first started happening– Listen, guys, I’m not gonna lie.
 It was actually kind of cute because it was only other Mexicans bringing me these “Mexican racist gift baskets.”
 It started in LA after a show.
 This one guy walks up to me with a basket, and he’s like, “Hey, what’s up, homey? Got you a racist gift basket.”
 I said, “We’re the same race.”
 “Hey, whatever.”
 “All right, whatever.”
 I take it backstage, and all the items in the basket made it to my house.
 There was a Mexican blanket with a tiger on it, a bunch of bottles of Fanta, bottles of sangria, Vicente Fernández CDs, Mexican candy, pan dulce, sweet bread, mazapanes.
 Everything made it to my house.
 Now… the more East Coast we started traveling and the more Down South we started performing… the more… creative… the gift baskets started getting.
----Punchline----
 Fast-forward to Mobile, Alabama.


Similarity Score:0.21052631578947367
Percent Error Setup:10.040495474035254%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:12.583562721195438%
----Setup----
 Oh, it gets good.
 Earlier tonight, before we kicked off this special, my friend Martin was out here making a couple of announcements.
 One of the announcements that he made was, “If you brought a gift, please hold on to it until after the show.
 Don’t bring it to the stage.
 It could interrupt the flow of the performance.”


The only reason why he makes this announcement every single night is because of one show in Mobile.
 So here’s what happens.
 I tell the entire “Racist Gift Basket Story,” the full 16 minutes, right? As soon as I finish, a guy from the back of the theater rushes the front of the stage.
 Now keep in mind this area is full.
 In Mobile the aisle was right up the middle.
 So the guy had a clean shot to me.
 He hauled ass like it was The Price Is Right all the way down.
 [imitating motor revving]
 Much like tonight, there was security there that night.
 Security sees the guy with the basket, but no one thought to stop him.
 All they did was, [Southern accent]
 “That’s pretty.”
 “Oh, that’s nice.
 That’s pretty, yeah.”
 So the guy makes it all the way to the front, takes the gift basket, and he puts it on the stage.
 Now he’s heckling me from where you’re sitting.
 I’m standing here and he’s like, “Fluffy!”
 “What’s up, dude?”
 [Southern accent]
 “I got this for you.”
 Thank you.
 “Open it.”
 I go, “Sir, we’re in the middle of a show right now.”
 I says, “I appreciate the gift.
 That’s very nice of you.
 But how about this? I’ll open it after the show.”
 “Oh, come on, Fluffy.
 I wanna see your face.”
 “Sir, how about this? How about you take the gift basket and bring it to the side where security’s at? And I’ll have security escort you behind the curtain.
 And then I’ll open it up backstage with you in front of me.
 How’s that?”
 And he’s not taking no for an answer.
 Now the problem is the crowd just saw me tell “The Racist Gift Basket Story,” and all of a sudden there’s a guy with a gift basket.
 They have no idea I’m not affiliated with freakin’ Duck Dynasty in the front row.
 So now I’m trying to defuse the situation before it gets crazy, but he’s not taking no for an answer.
 Next thing you know, he does something no other audience member has ever done in my 19-plus years as a comedian.
 He takes the whole crowd away from me, flips ’em, and then uses ’em on me… in five seconds.
 It was the most amazing, horrific thing I have ever witnessed.
 This is all he did: [Southern accent]
 “Come on, Fluffy! We wanna see your face! We wanna see your face! We wanna see your–” He gets 2,000 people behind him to start chanting.
 [whispering loudly]
 “We wanna see your face.
 We wanna see your face.”
 It was very evident this was not the first rally he’s ever led.
 The crowd is so loud, I can no longer hear myself over the monitor.
 So I’m like– I lost.
 So I get on my hands and knees.
 I put the microphone down, I grab the gift basket, and I start tearing it open.
 I reach in.
 Forget about pulling out Mexican soda, Mexican candy or a Mexican blanket.
 This dude was a pro.
 I started pulling out gardening tools.
 I’m pulling out a rake, a toy shovel, a toy leaf blower.
 [Southern accent]
 “Dig deeper, Fluffy! Dig deeper!”
 I pull out a soccer ball.
 I go, “Dude, it says Puerto Rico.”
 “They ran out of Mexico.”
 I pull out a brick.
 I go, “What’s the brick for?”
 “The wall.”
 I pull out an actual application for US citizenship.
 [audience gasping]
 I said, “There’s no way this can get any worse.”
 “Dig deeper!”
 I was wrong.
----Punchline----
 I pull out an old-school box of Crayola Crayons.


Similarity Score:0.11144578313253012
Percent Error Setup:254.41877084325867%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:239.44160440424693%
----Setup----
 -Okay.
 There’s a window on the front of the crayons so you can see all of the colors that are in the box.
 All of the crayons in the box are brown except for one white crayon right in the middle.
 And I said, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
----Punchline----
 And he looks at me and he says, “Welcome to my world.”


Similarity Score:0.45454545454545453
Percent Error Setup:71.27798951881849%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:66.26032245379473%
----Setup----
 So I made like that was the end of my performance.
 I picked up the gift basket.
----Punchline----
 I said, “Thank you, Mobile!”


Similarity Score:0.6666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:90.24535493091949%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:87.73102634683445%
----Setup----
 And I gave the guy a dirty look.
 “Motherfucker!”
 I go behind the curtain.
 Martin is waiting behind the curtain.
 And Martin’s like, “Bro.
----Punchline----
 You killed it out there.”
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:86.45188184849928%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
 And I showed him the application.
 And he’s like– [screams]
 “You’re not my friend.
 Not my friend.”
 So I walk into the dressing room, you guys, and I’m pissed, man.
 I walk in.
 I close the door.
 [imitates door slamming]
 Put the basket down.
 I’m scratching my head.
 I’m trying to think, “What could I have done to have prevented that from getting to where it went? Should I have grabbed the gift basket, moved it out of the way? Should I have had security grab the guy? Grab the gift basket and the guy?”
 Every idea that I’m coming up with is ending worse.
 Finally, I accept it.
 I jump in the shower.
 I get out.
 I get dressed.
 Security shows up.
 [imitates knocking]
 “Mr.
 Iglesias?”
 “Yeah.”
 “Ready?”
 “Yeah, yeah.
 Give me a second.”
 I grab my backpack.
 I put on my backpack.
 I walk over to the door, open up the door.
 “Let’s go.”
 He sees the gift basket on the chair, and he’s trying to be nice.
 “I’ll get that for you, sir.”
 “Uh– Yeah, bring it.
 Bring… Never know when you might need an application.”
 So now he’s escorting me out the back door of the theater into an empty parking lot on our way to the tour bus that’s at the very end of the parking lot.
 We’re walking for a good four minutes.
 All of a sudden, I hear this: “Fluffy! Whoo-ooh! Fluffy! Flu-Flu-Flu-Flu-Flu-Flu-Flu-Fluffy! Hoo-hoo, Fluffy!”
 I’m like, “Is he hog-calling me?”
 “I believe so, sir.”
 It’s the guy that gave me the gift basket, and now he’s standing next to the tour bus.
 So there’s no way I’m gonna get past him.
 So I’m like, “Man!”
 So we stop walking.
 Security’s like, “Would you like me to call for backup?”
 “You don’t need to.
 He’s not gonna hurt me.
 It’s just gonna get really weird.”
 I pull out my cell phone, and I’m trying to text Martin.
 “Come on, Martin.
 Get over–” He’s not replying.
 The guy gets tired of waiting next to the bus.
 So now he’s walking towards me, but he’s doing it in a really weird way.
 He’s walking towards me like I’m a dangerous animal.
 Okay? He’s doing this: “Fluffy.
 Fluffy.”
 “I’m not gonna do anything!”
 And he walks over, and he’s just ranting.
 “All right, look here, Fluffster.
 First and foremost, let me just tell you something right now.
 I’ve been watching your comedy for about seven years now, and my favorite joke that you tell is when you give that gift basket to your colored friend G.
 Man, first time I heard you tell that joke, I wanted to laugh really hard, but I couldn’t, right? ’Cause I was at a bar sitting next to two black people.
 You can’t laugh at a black joke in front of black people ’cause they get all uppity, start chanting civil rights and Rosa Parks and shit like that.
 And, hey, I voted for Obama, but it’s too soon to laugh.
 You know what I’m sayin’? Anyway, I took my happy ass home, and I got on the Internet, and I Googled ‘Racist Gift Basket,’ and your joke came up, and I had me a good old laugh, and I says, ‘You know, I love Fluffy’s sense of humor.
 He likes to push the envelope with his friends, and he doesn’t allow political correctness to interfere with a good friendship.
 At the end of the day, you’re still friends, you still love each other, you still respect one another.
’ I said, ‘Hey, if the Fluffster ever shows his ass here in Mobile, be first in line to get me one of them tickets.
’ And you came! So I tell my friends, ‘Let’s go! Let’s go see the Fluffster.
’ I said, ‘But first, I’d bet you anything he’d appreciate it if somebody were to get him one of them gift baskets like he got G.
’ Except we got you the UPS basket.”
----Punchline----
 “UPS basket?”


Similarity Score:0.11729323308270677
Percent Error Setup:258.75416865173895%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:239.9528116397955%
----Setup----
 “The problem is you didn’t laugh.
 You got offended, and I didn’t want you to get offended, Fluffster.
 I wanted you to laugh.
 But the problem is, is that, you know, I didn’t need you thinking that Mobile was a horrible place and we were horrible people.
 We were just trying to have fun with you the same way you had fun with G.
 We work very hard here, 40-plus hours a week myself.
 And the amount of money and time that we put into that gift basket is only because we love you.
 Hey, you have any idea how long I was on the goddamn Internet trying to find an application for US citizenship? In English? Are you shitting me? Everything’s in español.
 Hey, I voted for Obama.
 I ain’t got time for that.
 The bottom line is that I’m sorry for interfering with your performance.
 It’ll never happen again.
 I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and hopefully you’ll allow me to take a picture with you.
 I’m sorry.”
 And I was like, “Oh, my God, I’m a dick.”
 I said, “Listen, sir, you don’t have to apologize.
 I should apologize.
 I didn’t handle the situation the right way.
 But you gotta look at it through my eyes.
 I’ve never had anyone take an entire crowd away from me.”
 “That was pretty good, huh?”
 “Will you listen? Yes, that was pretty good.
 Look, I’m very sorry that I got upset.
 First time that happens.
 I won’t let that happen again.
 You don’t have to apologize.
 I will be happy to take a picture with you.”
 “Now, see– Now, see? That’s what I’m saying right there.
 That’s what I’m saying right there! All my friends are like, ‘To hell with that beaner.
’ I said, ‘Nope.Nope.
----Punchline----
 That beaner is good people.


Similarity Score:0.15841584158415842
Percent Error Setup:60.95164363982849%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:54.8957923712151%
----Setup----
 And then he pulled out his camera, right? [imitates camera ratcheting]
 And he tries to hand this disposable FunSaver camera to this 19-year-old security guard who’s never handled that level of technology.
 He puts the gift basket down.
 We hand him the camera.
 He’s looking for an app.
 He’s looking for a screen.
 Meanwhile, the guy wants to pose with his arm over my shoulders.
 He’s a little shorter than me, so I gotta do this one right here, okay? He’s got me in this headlock, and he just starts talking.
 “Look here, Fluffster.
 Let me just tell you something right now.
 I really appreciate what you do.
 I’m gonna continue to pray for you, your family, your friends and your success because what you do is a godsend.
 It really is.
 In these times, you make people smile, you make people laugh.
 We need more of that in our lives.
 Look, I’m not trying to blow smoke up your butt, but look.
 I don’t have children, but if I ever had one of my own, I’d hope he’d have your spirit.
 God bless you.”
 “Listen.
 Thank you.
----Punchline----
 Thank you very much.




Similarity Score:0.15463917525773196
Percent Error Setup:2.423773225345404%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:0.8257963035784496%
----Setup----
Woo! I love you guys, man.
 I have– I have way too many good memories here, man, some of them are kind of blurred because I was [birdlike noise]
.
 You can’t hang out seriously here.
 You gotta be careful ’cause the Police here in Bakersfield, they don’t mess around.
 They will stop you for anything, man.
 They got me outside, [siren]
 (male voice over bullhorn) What are you doing? Walking.
 But I noticed something though.
 If you can make a cop laugh, they will work with you.
 But you gotta really make ’em laugh.
 You can’t just make ’em go, Ahh.
 You gotta make ’em, you know, [screech chuckle]
 I made a cop laugh so hard one time, he almost peed on himself.
 I know this ’cause he told me.
 He was, like, [Southern accent]
 You don’t understand.
----Punchline----
 I damn near pissed myself.


Similarity Score:0.20833333333333334
Percent Error Setup:25.214387803716054%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:26.386158081006684%
----Setup----
 And here in Bakersfield, man, it’s no different, man.
 I love every part of this town.
 I even love Oildale.
----Punchline----
 Oh, yeah.


Similarity Score:0.4166666666666667
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:87.73102634683445%
----Setup----
 [imitates banjo]
 Yeehaw! But I still love it, guys, I still love it.
 But yeah, man, drinking here in town, you gotta be careful ’cause some people can handle alcohol.
 You know who you are.
 Some people can’t.
 And you have no clue.
 Guys especially.
 You know how it goes.
 We get loaded, we turn into one of three people.
 We’re either the I love you guy, I hate you guy, or the “mere” guy.
 You know that guy, right? Shh, hey! Mere.
 I know ’cause that’s me.
 Oh my God, I can’t handle alcohol.
 People, when they get drunk they say things they don’t mean.
----Punchline----
 You know when I’m drunk you hear something like Woo! I’m going running.


Similarity Score:0.2644628099173554
Percent Error Setup:42.01405431157694%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:38.14392449862367%
----Setup----
 You better cut me off.
 Aw, hell, yeah man.
 And when I drink, I only drink like regular alcohol.
 I don’t do beer.
 Beer just doesn’t–no.
 Beer makes me talk to my body.
 I don’t like that.
 When I get drunk on beer, I get weird.
 I’m, like– [breathes into mike]
----Punchline----
 [low growl]


Similarity Score:0.36363636363636365
Percent Error Setup:71.81991424487852%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:71.88360204482895%
----Setup----
 [low growl]
 Hey! You said you could hang.
 [low growl]
----Punchline----
 Don’t talk to me there! [brrr]


Similarity Score:0.3333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:94.03882801333968%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:90.79826976012583%
----Setup----
 That’s what I say.
 You just gotta be careful, you know.
And if you’re gonna drink and you are thinking about driving, don’t do it.
 It’s not a good idea ’cause like I say, You know when you’re drunk.
 You’re doing laps in the parking lot and you can’t find the exit.
 Hello? Some of you make it out to the streets, you know when you’re drunk, you’re like, [rrr rrr]
 Behind you you hear– [truck horn]
 [drunken slur]
 Shut up, stupid! If you hear the magical sound [siren]
 one of two things will pop into your head.
 Either, one: [drunken slur]
 I’m okay, I’m fine.
 I can beat this.
 Or, two: [siren]
 [drunken slur]
----Punchline----
 I’m gonna go to jail.


Similarity Score:0.2975206611570248
Percent Error Setup:37.67865650309671%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:38.14392449862367%
----Setup----
 I’m gonna go to jail! I’m gonna go to jail! I gotta let you go, babe.
 I gonna go to jail.
 Tell the kids I love them.
 Bye.
 [rrr]
 I’m gonna tell you right now, again, if you can make the Police laugh, you have a chance.
 If you do get pulled over for drunk driving, pull over as slowly and as safely as you can.
 Get over to the– [rrr and screech]
.
 Now, if you know for a fact that you are gonna go to jail, okay, you’re already–I’m gone.
----Punchline----
 Have a little fun.


Similarity Score:0.24742268041237114
Percent Error Setup:50.14292520247737%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:50.41289815178922%
----Setup----
 I don’t mean take off on a high speed pursuit.
 No, no, no, don’t do that.
 ‘Cause you’re not gonna get very far.
 I mean, if you’re drunk and you know you’re gonna go to jail, and you have tinted windows– have a little extra fun.
----Punchline----
 Take off your seatbelt, jump over to the passenger side, throw your seatbelt back on and just wait for the cop.


Similarity Score:0.4927536231884058
Percent Error Setup:74.52953787517865%
Percent Error Punchline:119.27710843373494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:64.72670074714904%
----Setup----
 You have no idea how bad you’re gonna throw his ass off, you guys.
----Punchline----
 He’s gonna come over to the driver’s side with a flashlight– And you’re sitting there… 


Similarity Score:0.625
Percent Error Setup:91.87112910909957%
Percent Error Punchline:69.44140197152245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
 [drunken slur]
 He was here a second ago.
----Punchline----
 I don’t know where he went.
----Tagline(s)----
 Excuse me? What?? Me drive? Aw, hell no, I’m fucked up.
That’s sad because I know some of you are gonna try it.


Similarity Score:0.5853658536585366
Percent Error Setup:95.12267746545973%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:2269.791666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:31.249999999999993%
Percent Error Total:79.04050334250886%
----Setup----
 [childish voice]
 Let’s do what the fat guy said! Do it! And for the record, I’m not fat.
----Punchline----
 I’m Fluffy.


Similarity Score:0.36363636363636365
Percent Error Setup:89.70343020485946%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:88.75344081793158%
----Setup----
 For those of you who still don’t know, there are five levels of fatness.
 Fluffy is one of the levels.
 There’s Big, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy, and [shouts]
 Damn! I’m still number four.
 People go, How do you know when you’re number five? Well, ’cause people will tell you.
----Punchline----
 If you try to get on an elevator that’s crowded and people stop you and go, Uh-uh.


Similarity Score:0.29850746268656714
Percent Error Setup:73.4456884230586%
Percent Error Punchline:79.40854326396494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:65.74911521824617%
----Setup----
 [childish voice]
 I wanna get on that one.
 [deep growl]
 [child’s voice]
 Damn.
 Hey, I’m sorry, little kids are too honest, man.
 They’re like little alcoholics.
 I love Disneyland but they’re not fluffy-friendly.
 They’re not, man.
 They care about safety, you know, and that sucks, ’cause I could handle one bar.
 One bar, I’m cool.
 But now they got the whole–[clacking]
 If you’re fluffy, one of those is not gonna lock.
 You’re trying– People are in line, You can do it!One time I took a trip with my buddy Mondo.
 A big guy, another big guy.
----Punchline----
 And I went with him because his family, they decided to go and he didn’t want to be the only one hanging out by the strollers.


Similarity Score:0.3064516129032258
Percent Error Setup:47.43330157217723%
Percent Error Punchline:169.11281489594742%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:36.61030279197798%
----Setup----
 So we’re hanging out at the end of the day, my buddy Mondo goes, Dude, we should get on a ride! I go, Which one? We can’t get on none of them, dude, we’re too big.
 He goes, there’s a ride here at Disneyland that’s called Splash Mountain.
 I go, What is that? He goes, It’s a log and you get inside the log and it goes uphill, it goes down, and makes a splash.
 No seatbelt, no pull-bar.
 You just get in and go.
----Punchline----
 I go, No seatbelt? No pull-bar? [high-pitched laugh]


Similarity Score:0.2736842105263158
Percent Error Setup:53.39447355883754%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:51.43531262288635%
----Setup----
 So we get in line for our ride, we’re all pumped up, and I see people getting off the ride with these little note cards.
 I go, What are those? He goes, oh, they take a photo of you when you go downhill.
 Oh, okay, cool.
 So we get to the front of the line, and then we have to deal with the lady with the headset, the lady who takes her job way too serious.
 [high-pitched female]
 Okay, how many people? Four? Okay.
 Two here, two here.
----Punchline----
 How many, five? Okay, three there, two there.


Similarity Score:0.32653061224489793
Percent Error Setup:51.76869938065746%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:49.90169091624066%
----Setup----
 Who cares? We get our own boat.
 We take off.
 [beeping]
 [hissing]
 [chugging]
----Punchline----
 [splashing]


Similarity Score:0.125
Percent Error Setup:92.4130538351596%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:91.82068423122296%
----Setup----
 Three minutes go by, the moment of truth, we get to the hill.
 [splash]
 [chugging]
 [chugging stops]
----Punchline----
 [hissing]
----Tagline(s)----
 My buddy Mondo turns around, he says, Dude, let’s flash the camera.


Similarity Score:0.4117647058823529
Percent Error Setup:90.24535493091949%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:1227.0833333333335%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:82.6189539913488%
----Setup----
 I said, You’re stupid.
----Punchline----
 I’m down.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:97.29037636969986%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:95.91034211561148%
----Setup----
 So as soon as they let us go, right? [hissing]
----Punchline----
 [long howl]


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:94.03882801333968%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:92.84309870232009%
----Setup----
 [howl]
----Punchline----
 [splash]


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:97.95517105780574%
----Setup----
 [squish, squish]
 We’re all rosado right here.
 We got a mean old baby rash.
 [squish squish]
----Punchline----
We go to buy the picture, and there’s a lady behind the counter with her hand on the screen.


Similarity Score:0.2777777777777778
Percent Error Setup:90.7872796569795%
Percent Error Punchline:89.37568455640745%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:81.59653952025168%
----Setup----
 And I ask my buddy Mondo, I said, Bro, what boat are we? He says, 22.
 I go, She’s covering 22! He goes, Oh, we better sneak out of here.
 Ho, yeah, we’re gonna sneak out.
 [squish squish]
 We get past the picture girl but then we get stopped by Disney Security.
 And you have not lived until you been stopped by a freaking man wearing a badge in the shape of a mouse.
 This guy was like, [Southern male accent]
 Hold on! Hold on a second! Ma’am, move away your hand from the screen.
----Punchline----
 You guys see what I see here? That’s a disgrace to this park! We can’t believe anyone could take such a photo.
----Tagline(s)----
 And it wasn’t until we walked over to this photo that my buddy Armando and I realized something about ourselves.
 we both look like sexy bitches.


Similarity Score:0.2702702702702703
Percent Error Setup:47.97522629823725%
Percent Error Punchline:129.24424972617743%
Percent Error TagLine:2648.958333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:31.249999999999993%
Percent Error Total:24.341329138812426%
----Setup----
But again, if you’re gonna drink, just be careful, you guys.
 Some of you can handle, and some can’t– I got kicked out of a bar on Saint Patrick’s Day.
 I was performing at the bar.
 How do I get thrown out, right? I’m having fun, people are giving me free drinks.
 [high-pitched female]
 Here, have another drink.
 I’m, like, woo! I started pissing off the management and the owners of this Irish place that I was at.
 The bartender’s like, Hey, buddy, relax! Are you okay? Are you having a good time? I was so drunk I did this: [imitates Irish accent]
 I’m having a great time.
 People around me, Oh my God, are you Irish? I was, like, [imitates Irish accent]
 Aye! They’re, like, What part of Ireland are you from? Uh, downtown.
----Punchline----
 Are you here by yourself? Oh, no, I’m not here by myself.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.18791946308724833
Percent Error Setup:26.840161981896138%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:23.83012190326386%
----Setup----
 That’s hysterical.
 Ask a 10-year old, they’ll tell you, [childish voice]
 That’s funny! I did that joke one night at Memphis, Tennessee.
 And some guy thought he knew why it was funny.
 And he was way off but he confronted me outside, all drunk, [Southern accent]
 Hey, you! Fluffy! I’m, like, What? ‘Mere.
 No, you ‘mere.
 And he walks over and he says, I have to tell you your show was hysterical.
 I done near wet myself when you said ‘Donkey!’ My friend Rod didn’t laugh so I had to explain it to him and he thinks I’m wrong but I know I’m right.
----Punchline----
 Could yah set the record straight? Sure, what’d you tell your friend? Okay, look here, I told him the reason why it was funnier than hell when you said ‘Donkey!’– it’s ’cause you’re Mexican.
----Tagline(s)----
Normally, I woulda been all over this guy but two things, one, I was in Memphis, Tennessee, no support.


Similarity Score:0.2125
Percent Error Setup:43.097903763697%
Percent Error Punchline:248.8499452354874%
Percent Error TagLine:1795.8333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:18.20684231222965%
----Setup----
 And, two, the guy was drunk.
 I just don’t deal with drunk people, man, uh-uh.
 When it comes to drinking and women, ladies, when you go out, make sure you take one guy with you.
 You need to take one guy, even if he’s– [high-pitched]
----Punchline----
 Oh, my God! You need one.
----Tagline(s)----
 ‘Cause a group of you get together, there’s always one who will elect herself the team captain, right? Try to rally the troops? Get everybody together– [high-pitched]


Similarity Score:0.24390243902439024
Percent Error Setup:75.07146260123868%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:2648.958333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:58.0810066850177%
----Setup----
 Okay, look, this is what’s gonna happen.
 We’re gonna take my car, so leave your car, my car, leave your car, ready, ready, let’s go.
 They get in the car– [motor noises]
.
 They get to the club– [motor noises]
.
 [clicking heels]
 [high-pitched]
 Oh no, my purse! [clicking]
 They go inside the club, they start jamming, having fun, [club music beat]
 (male voice) Oo-lah! [club music beat]
 End of the night, that same girl who’s been the leader, the captain, she gets more hammered than everybody.
 She’s the biggest hypocrite walking, now missing a shoe, purse, keys, friends, car.
----Punchline----
 Look, some of you are pointing, “That’s you, bitch!”
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.3090909090909091
Percent Error Setup:46.34945212005717%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:43.76720408965789%
----Setup----
 I gotta pee.
----Punchline----
 Not anymore.


Similarity Score:0.5714285714285714
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:96.42154935116005%
----Setup----
 She’s on the curb crying, mascara’s coming down her face, [high-pitched]
 I’m so wasted.
 Who the hell is gonna want me now? That’s when I come out.
----Punchline----
 [shriek]


Similarity Score:0.2
Percent Error Setup:84.82610767031919%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.66378293354306%
----Setup----
I keep coming back to alcohol.
 I keep having these issues with it.
 Like, I got loaded one night, and I don’t know what happened, I accidentally wound up at this, um, “dance place”— gentlemen clubby place, right? I wasn’t driving, it was an accident.
 We pulled up to the place and– [motor noises]
.
 [surprised]
 Ahhh! I knew where I was at.
 Even when you’re drunk, you could be drunk and blind, you know where you’re at, as long as you hear– [rapid music beat]
----Punchline----
 [female screech]


Similarity Score:0.45454545454545453
Percent Error Setup:53.93639828489757%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:55.01376327172631%
----Setup----
 I walked in there and I got recognized by one of the dancers.
 You gotta call them dancers or entertainers or they get mad at you.
 They’ll get mad.
 [high-pitched]
 I am not a stripper.
 Okay? I am an–entertainer.
 I’m like, Nooo, I’m an entertainer.
 You’re a nasty.
 Some girl recognizes you, [high-pitched]
 Oh my God! I know who you are! You’re famous! And I’m like, Oh, no.
 Oh, no.
----Punchline----
 And some other dancer who’s spinning on a pole overheard “famous” and she stops.


Similarity Score:0.3023255813953488
Percent Error Setup:61.52334444973797%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:56.03617774282343%
----Setup----
 She walks over, Oh my God, you’re famous? Can I have your autograph? [drunken slur]
 You don’t even know me.
 I don’t care.
 Sign it! Okay, relax.
 What’s your name? Diamond.
----Punchline----
 What’s your last name? Rodriguez.


Similarity Score:0.5263157894736842
Percent Error Setup:82.65840876607908%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:80.57412504915455%
----Setup----
 To Diamond.
----Punchline----
 With all my love and affection– Hurry up! I got mad so I wrote– George Lopez.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:98.37422582181992%
Percent Error Punchline:69.44140197152245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:89.77585528902871%
----Setup----
 I was drunk.
 I didn’t care.
 I’m all loaded.
 She freaked out, she’s like– Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You’re George Lopez! I can’t help it, you guys, I was so drunk I did this, I said: [imitates George Lopez]
----Punchline----
 I know, ha.


Similarity Score:0.30434782608695654
Percent Error Setup:77.2391615054788%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.48446716476602%
----Setup----
 Ey! Ey, cabrona! Why you crying? Why you crying? [speaks Spanish]
 Esta loca.
 I won’t lie to you guys, George knows I do that.
----Punchline----
 I don’t think he likes it.


Similarity Score:0.375
Percent Error Setup:86.45188184849928%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
I’ve done that to a couple of other people, you know, I did that to Paul Rodriguez, and Paul was cool.
 Paul was really cool about it.
 He was, like, you know, [imitates Paul]
 Hey, I heard there’s a guy out there who knows how to talk like me.
 ls that you? I said, [imitates Paul]
----Punchline----
 Yeah, that’s me.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:69.6522153406384%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:69.32756586708612%
----Setup----
 [imitates Paul]
 That’s purty good! I said, [imitates George]
----Punchline----
 I know, ha.


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:94.58075273939971%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:92.84309870232009%
----Setup----
 Hey, can you do Mencia? [imitates Mencia]
 Da-da-daa! [imitates Mencia]
 Da’s how you do it! Now, Carlos knows I do that, and he gets mad at me ’cause he goes [imitates Carlos]
 You gotta do it–better! No, sometimes I use my voices for evil, man, I won’t lie.
 If I don’t have my way, like, when I go to drive-thrus, and they screw up my order, [gasp]
 oh, I’m evil.
 I go back around and I start ordering but I throw them off by doing this.
----Punchline----
 They’ll come on the speaker: (impersonal voice) Welcome to Fantastic Burger, how can I help you? I’ll do this: [high-pitched girl]
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.23636363636363636
Percent Error Setup:52.852548832777515%
Percent Error Punchline:119.27710843373494%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:43.76720408965789%
----Setup----
 Double cheeseburger, order of fries and a shake.
 [girl]
 Oh, my God! Yes! Thank you, pull up to the window.
 Then I pull up.
----Punchline----
 Oh, they’re not expecting–me.


Similarity Score:0.7333333333333333
Percent Error Setup:86.45188184849928%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.66378293354306%
----Setup----
 [rrr, brakes screech]
 Oh, the look on their face is the best, right? (guy’s voice) Did you just order? They come back with a bag of food, Um, would you like ketchup? That’s where I let ’em have it.
----Punchline----
 [high-pitched]


Similarity Score:0.38095238095238093
Percent Error Setup:78.32301095759885%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.52929610696027%
----Setup----
 Hell, yeah, man.
 Oh, by the way, before I forget, I know I have a habit on my shows of sometimes throwing a little Spanish in there.
 If you don’t understand Spanish, I do apologize, okay? I promise I will be translating.
 I don’t want anybody freaking out or reporting me to the management with concerns or issues, you know.
 [male Southern accent]
 What the hell is going on in there! What kind of show is this? Now somebody better hit the SAP button on that son of a bitch real quick! I didn’t pay good money to hear some Samoan speak Spanish.
 I’m not Samoan, I’m–Fluffy.
 I didn’t know why the guy thought I was Samoan, you know.
 And I’ve had this happen a couple times where people go, Are you Hawaiian? Why, no.
 It’s not just the shirt.
 I thought it was just the shirt but no, how can it just be a shirt? Just because you wear a freakin’ sombrero, that doesn’t make you Mexican.
 I see white people wearing a sarape, walking a donkey with a sombrero, you don’t look at ’em and go, Hola, amigo.
 No, you’re like, Hey, Ted.
 Hi.
 You know, and he’s walking around Hola.
 Come on.
 Come on, stupid donkey.
 Donkey! Come on.
 I don’t get it, man.
 But it’s funny though.
----Punchline----
 I didn’t know why the guy thought I was Hawaiian until I actually went to Hawaii, I found out that Hawaiian people actually look like swollen Mexicans.


Similarity Score:0.184
Percent Error Setup:20.307289185326347%
Percent Error Punchline:179.07995618838993%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:27.80180888714117%
----Setup----
 They do! I got off the plane, I looked around, I was, like, [high-pitched]
 Oh, my God! My family! Even they were, like, Aloha brother, [unintelligible]
.
 Orale! I loved Hawaii.
 Hawaii was great, man.
 They have a lot of different cultures there.
 They have a lot of Asian people.
 A lot.
 A lot of Koreans.
 I know this because I got a couple of shirts tailored at some places, and every time I go in, there’s always a Korean lady.
 An older Korean lady.
 Who was mean.
 l’d walk in and this one lady always had a comment to make.
 I’m there for a week and every day she had a different comment.
 I walk in one day and, I couldn’t say anything either ’cause she was 75 years old.
 I can’t say nothing back.
 But there I am, walking in.
 [ding-dong]
 The lady behind the counter, [imitates female Asian accent]
----Punchline----
 Ohhh! Oh, looka who’s here.


Similarity Score:0.21518987341772153
Percent Error Setup:17.627441638875656%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:19.22925678332678%
----Setup----
 Looka who’s here.
----Punchline----
 Ohhh, shit, we gonna worka hard today.


Similarity Score:0.16666666666666666
Percent Error Setup:97.83230109575989%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:93.86551317341723%
----Setup----
 [unintelligible]
----Punchline----
 Whatever.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:97.95517105780574%
----Setup----
 Don’t make fun of me.
But I can handle it, you know.
 I can handle it.
 People say, Gabriel, you go up there and you make fun of yourself.
 No, I don’t.
 I come up here and I tell you the things that I heard people say.
 There’s a difference.
 Sometimes I set myself up for jokes and I don’t realize it.
 Three years ago, I bought a Beetle.
----Punchline----
 Not even thinking.
----Tagline(s)----
 That’s not the joke, shut up.
 See, I can’t even tell you guys a story.


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:62.607193901858025%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:1606.25%
Percent TagLine Number:31.249999999999993%
Percent Error Total:53.48014156508061%
----Setup----
 Hmm.
 I wasn’t thinking, I bought the car ’cause it was affordable, economical, brand new freakin’ Beetle for, like, 1 7 grand.
 I was, like, [high-pitched screech]
 first new car.
 I go to show it off at my friend Martin’s house.
 I thought it was nice, I pull up, you know, [rrr, screech]
 Martiiin! He lives in the Hood, I don’t get out of the car.
 Across the street there are these gang members, they don’t really get into shooting people and stuff like that, they just hang out on the porch and talk a lot of smack.
----Punchline----
 So I’m there in the Beetle and across the street I hear this, I’m, like, Martiiin! And over here, I hear– Orale.
----Tagline(s)----
 Hey, what’s up, guys? How’s it going? (more distant voice) How’d you get in there ese.


Similarity Score:0.4857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:46.34945212005717%
Percent Error Punchline:129.24424972617743%
Percent Error TagLine:1606.25%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:28.43098702320094%
----Setup----
 Two months later, I go back to pick him up.
 Now I’ve had some time to work on the car, I put some rims on it, some stickers, I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster.
 I thought I was bad, right? I pull up, [rrr, tires screech]
----Punchline----
 [rrr, rrr]


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:71.81991424487852%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:71.88360204482895%
----Setup----
 Uh-uh, I’m not turning around.
 Hey.
 Uh-uh.
 Hey.
 I don’t see you.
 Yoo-hoo! [grrr]
 Hey! [grrr]
----Punchline----
 What!! Check it out, hey, it’s the fat and the furious.


Similarity Score:0.5517241379310345
Percent Error Setup:90.7872796569795%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:85.17499016909163%
----Setup----
 I didn’t even wait, man.
 [rrrrrr]
I got rid of that car, man.
 I traded it in and got myself a big old SUV.
 It was nice for a while.
 This car freakin’ sucked on mileage.
 I got 11 miles to the gallon.
----Punchline----
 Oh, you cannot be bad-ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos, you can’t.


Similarity Score:0.45901639344262296
Percent Error Setup:76.69723677941877%
Percent Error Punchline:79.40854326396494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:68.81635863153755%
----Setup----
 You can’t be at the stoplight trying to intimidate other cars, What? What, what, what? [rrrrrrrrr]
 Twenty bucks right there.
 Hell, no.
 But it was kind of cool.
 It had a GPS navigational system in it.
 An OnStar which is really cool.
 I’m driving, and all of a sudden this girl’s talking to me, [ping]
 (pleasant female voice) Right turn, up ahead.
 Whoa.
 [ping]
 At three quarter tenth of a mile, left turn.
 And I’m, like, Whatever you say, baby.
Being a big guy, I’ve noticed that people feel compelled to tell me certain things after shows.
 I get people that’ll pull me aside and go, Gabriel, you’re a very funny guy, you’re very talented, don’t you think, perhaps, you’re living a little excess in life? And I’m like, Well, I love to eat.
 Well, don’t you want to live to be a hundred? Well, not if I can’t eat tacos.
 Or as many as I want.
----Punchline----
 A lot of people think that just because you work out and lift weights, and you eat right and you do what people tell you to do, that you’ll live a long life.


Similarity Score:0.2931937172774869
Percent Error Setup:14.917818008575512%
Percent Error Punchline:238.88280394304493%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:2.3594180102241435%
----Setup----
 What good is it to live to be a hundred but you didn’t do anything? You didn’t go out and kick it with friends, go out and get drunk at some club and wake up in an alley at one time? You know? What good is it? You stayed in the house and you were safe.
 And I lived to be a hundred.
 You know, I don’t know.
That’s why, I, um, I have a very big amount of respect for the crocodile hunter, rest in peace, but, come on, you guys, yeah, he died at 44 years old, but, he died doing what he loves to do.
 Not a lot of people can say that.
----Punchline----
 If I die tomorrow from overeating, hoo-hoo, God bless me, that’s exactly how it was supposed to be.


Similarity Score:0.4444444444444444
Percent Error Setup:37.13673177703669%
Percent Error Punchline:89.37568455640745%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:30.987023200943764%
----Setup----
 You know how much adrenaline he had? Every single day, risking his life, you know how you feel when you’re about to cross the street and a car– [rrrrrr]
 and your ass almost gets hit, and you’re like– [screech]
----Punchline----
 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! and then you’re hysterical.
----Tagline(s)----
 Oh, my God! I almost died.


Similarity Score:0.38596491228070173
Percent Error Setup:78.32301095759885%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:70.86118757373181%
----Setup----
 Touch me.
 Touch me right here.
 Oh, my– And the rest of the day, you appreciate life, looking at the birds or the sky, [sings]
 You’re loving life.
 He did that every day.
 That’s why every day I try to live just a little bit of my life like I might not be here tomorrow.
 ‘Cause you never know.
 I don’t wanna die tomorrow knowing I coulda had a piece of cake tonight.
 Sure.
 That’s why people tell me Why don’t you work out? Why don’t you lift weights? What if I’m gonna die tomorrow? I don’t want to die sore.
 I wanna die full.
----Punchline----
 When the coroner cuts me up, I want the whole room to smell like potato wedges.


Similarity Score:0.4065040650406504
Percent Error Setup:42.55597903763697%
Percent Error Punchline:69.44140197152245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:37.12151002752655%
----Setup----
 And he’s gonna go, This guy knew how to live, right here, man.
 Good times.
But again, the crocodile hunter, I give him a lot of love, a lot of credit but people go, [high-pitched]
 It’s such a loss to the nature community, you know, he taught us so much about nature.
 And I got mad when I heard this lady on TV saying that he taught us a lot about nature and it was, like, No, he didn’t really teach a lot about nature, if you want to learn about nature, you watch Discovery channel or one of these nature programs where they have a guy on safari and he’s studying from afar.
 Crocodile hunter, no.
 Come on, every episode, [imitates Steve Irwin]
 Hey, how you doin’? Look over there, right there.
 It’s a “toiger.”
 That toiger weighs 800 pounds and it could kill a man in 10 seconds.
----Punchline----
 I’m gonna touch it.


Similarity Score:0.34838709677419355
Percent Error Setup:18.71129109099571%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:20.762878489972472%
----Setup----
 Hi, tiger.
 [grrr]
 Ow, he’s angry! He’s angry.
 Next episode, There’s a king cobra, the most venomous snake in all the planet.
 One “boite” and I’m dead.
----Punchline----
 I’m gonna pick it up.


Similarity Score:0.47058823529411764
Percent Error Setup:84.82610767031919%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:82.6189539913488%
----Setup----
 [hissing]
 He’s angry!If he really wanted people to think he was out there, man, America, we should’ve borrowed him, and sent him to Iraq.
 With no gun, just a camera crew.
----Punchline----
 Do you imagine how bad that woulda freaked out the enemy? You’re a freakin’ soldier working for Al-Qaeda and you’re out there, you know, [imitates Iraq accent, unintelligible]


Similarity Score:0.29508196721311475
Percent Error Setup:82.65840876607908%
Percent Error Punchline:189.0470974808324%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:68.81635863153755%
----Setup----
 [imitates Iraqi accent, unintelligible]
 Crikey! [Iraqi accent]
 What is crikey? What the hell is crikey? And he’s walking up to him, Hey! Look over there, It’s an Al-Qaeda member.
 An Iraqi soldier, one of the most dangerous creatures in all the planet.
 One push of a button and I’m gone! I’m gonna poke him with a stick.
----Punchline----
 [scream]


Similarity Score:0.36666666666666664
Percent Error Setup:68.56836588851834%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:69.32756586708612%
----Setup----
 I think he’s still angry.
Yeah, man, this country, I love living here in the United States.
 I can’t think of anywhere else l’d want to live.
 Some people say, Well, you’re Mexican.
----Punchline----
 Wouldn’t you rather live in Mexico? [whistles, shouts]


Similarity Score:0.5238095238095238
Percent Error Setup:82.11648404001906%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:78.52929610696027%
----Setup----
.
 I love Mexico, just visiting, just visiting.
 I like it right here.
 That’s why it kind of bothers me whenever people go, (female voice) What is it like being a Latino comedian? I go, I don’t know, I’m a comedian who happens to be Latino.
----Punchline----
 (female voice) What’s the difference? The difference is my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.


Similarity Score:0.53125
Percent Error Setup:75.07146260123868%
Percent Error Punchline:79.40854326396494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:67.28273692489186%
----Setup----
   It’s hard, you guys, you know.
 Lo español.
 You speak a little Spanish, it freaks people out.
 (female) Oh my God, he’s speaking Spanish.
 Don’t get me wrong, I like watching Spanish programming myself.
 Some of the stuff is really cool.
 My favorite thing are the commercials because they’re always about sex.
 You don’t even know what the product is until like the last two seconds.
 It’s always some model walking out all sexy, [rhythmic music beat]
 [sexy female voice]
 Hola.
 [rhythmic music beat]
 [sucks in air]
----Punchline----
 Ay, què rico.


Similarity Score:0.3404255319148936
Percent Error Setup:51.22677465459743%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:51.94651985843491%
----Setup----
 And on the 28th second, [shout and short gasp]
 Pepsi.
----Punchline----
 And you’re sitting there, going, I gotta go get a Pepsi.


Similarity Score:0.43478260869565216
Percent Error Setup:94.03882801333968%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:88.24223358238301%
----Setup----
Oh my God! I have a thing for soda, I love it, man.
 I know they gave me water but– (female voice) Oh, a soda! I didn’t even see that right there.
----Punchline----
 Excuse me, un momento.
----Tagline(s)----
 Pepsi.


Similarity Score:0.35
Percent Error Setup:82.65840876607908%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:184.375%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:79.55171057805741%
----Setup----
 No, that’s actually diet, which is cool.
 I’m not on a diet, and it’s funny because people go, Why then do you drink diet soda? So I can eat regular cake.
 I love cake, man, are you kidding? By the way, I wanna thank the three people who brought me a cake personally.
 I have them in the back.
 I really appreciate it.
 That was very nice of you.
 The management and the promoters are freaking out there, like, Gabriel, why do they all bring you cake? I go, Because on TV I talked about one time how much I love cake.
 And so people bring it.
 My friend Mondo got mad, He’s, like, [Mexican male accent]
 Why don’t you talk about hookers?Somebody asked me earlier too, they said, Gabriel, when you get to do your special, are you gonna do anything about the country, are you gonna talk about politics? Well, I’m gonna talk first of all about how I love this country, and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
----Punchline----
 I know that half the world right now thinks that our leader is the devil and most of us would agree.


Similarity Score:0.19487179487179487
Percent Error Setup:6.247022391615054%
Percent Error Punchline:119.27710843373494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:0.31458906802988484%
----Setup----
 He’s not–yeah.
 I don’t have to make fun of the president.
 He does it by himself.
 Okay? [whistling, clapping]
 He does it by himself.
 Every time he comes on TV, I can’t wait to hear what he has to say.
 Especially during press conferences, (high-pitched female voice) Mr.
 President.
 Question.
 It’s been over a year.
 What is your plan for Katrina? [imitates Bush’s voice]
----Punchline----
 Ha! We’re gonna find her.


Similarity Score:0.39436619718309857
Percent Error Setup:64.77489280609814%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:63.7042862760519%
----Setup----
 That’s right.
 And we’re gonna bring Katrina to justice.
 We have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to Al-Qaeda.
 Qaeda, Katrina, they both start with a “k.”
Our president got elected.
 I didn’t vote for him, but then again, I didn’t vote for the other guy either.
 I was just, like–.
 How Bush won is beyond me.
 Americans, we love to vote but we don’t vote for Presidents.
 We vote for things like American Idol.
 Because that’s fun.
 Voting for presidents is not fun.
 Voting for American– Shebang! Shebang! That’s what they should do for presidents.
 Just put both guys on TV for one hour, call it something catchy like “Who’s Gonna Run This Bitch?”
 You put ’em on TV for an hour, let ’em argue 30 minutes into the special, you put an 800 number on the screen, and say “Cast Your Vote.”
 [phone rings, click]
 You’ve reached the presidential hotline.
 For George Bush, press three.
 John Kerry, press four.
 Other options, press five.
 You don’t like either one? Press five.
 [beep]
 Please hold.
 [high-pitched voice hums U.
S.
 national anthem]
 [rings and clicks]
----Punchline----
 [imitates Clinton]


Similarity Score:0.1595744680851064
Percent Error Setup:0.25607432110528927%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:3.893039716869838%
----Setup----
 I knew you’d be back.
 That’s right.
 You know you miss your daddy.
Oh, yeah.
 I’m such a dork.
 I don’t care.
 But I have fun though.
 One thing you guys definitely made possible is I have the ability now to travel and I never did that.
 I never used to travel until I became a comedian.
 I’m, like, Oh my God, there’s a whole other world out there.
 When I was hanging out in Florida, I got a chance to experience an amusement park that was a little different.
 It was an alternative park called Gatorland.
 It’s a real park, and I’ve met the owners and they’re really cool people but I gotta tell you : best part about this amusement park is they have a recording the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
 You call this park, this is what you hear.
 [phone rings and clicks]
 (male voice, Southern accent) Yeehaw! You’ve reached Gatorland, America’s premier gator extravaganza.
 You’ve seen ’em on TV, now come and see ’em live.
 Gatorland.
 You’re gonna love this park.
----Punchline----
 Then he says this: Fer Spanish, press two.


Similarity Score:0.21621621621621623
Percent Error Setup:4.621248213434968%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:5.426661423515531%
----Setup----
 Oh.
 I gotta hear this.
 [beep]
 I don’t speak Spanish but you’re gonna love this park.
 I was dyin’! I called him like ten times.
 Aw, it’s the best.
 I’m starting to sweat a little bit, huh.
 Too sexy, arrr.
I don’t care though, I have a lot of fun, you guys.
----Punchline----
 You guys have made a lot of things possible.


Similarity Score:0.5161290322580645
Percent Error Setup:71.81991424487852%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:68.305151395989%
----Setup----
 And it’s still there.
 I love food on wheels, you know.
 But this taco place has taken it to the next level.
 They’re really really good there, they’re not paying me nothing, I’m just talking about ’em, but I go to order and these guys were kinda, you know– the girls were cool but the guys were mean.
 I try to order some food, I’m like– [thuds]
----Punchline----
 Hello? And the guy is like, Què pasò, gordo wha’ you want? Wha’ you want?? Oh, hey, dude, can I get two tacos, chicken and a Coke? Okay.


Similarity Score:0.26804123711340205
Percent Error Setup:63.14911862791806%
Percent Error Punchline:189.0470974808324%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:50.41289815178922%
----Setup----
 That’s it.
 Tsk, awww.
 Whatever, dude.
 But we had a lot of fun.
We got to promote on a lot of different radio stations here in town to get the word out to you guys about the show.
 They try to get me set up on the Spanish radio stations and I’ve done that in the past and it was okay.
 But the last few times I had to say no because they put me on the radio with a guy who’s like “from” Mexico.
 And I can speak Spanish but you put me up against somebody from the Motherland, hoo! I walk in the studio, I’m dealing with this one guy, right? We go on the air and he’s like [speaks rapid-fire Spanish]
 Que paso! que paso! que paso! I meet that same guy in the hallway, he sounded just like that.
 Oh, hey, how’s it goin’? Que paso?! Are we on the air? No!! Why are you talking like that? Porque si!! And I freaked out ’cause you imagine this guy goes home talking like that to his wife and his kids? Come two, three o’clock in the morning, his wife maybe wants to do a little “something” and she tells her man, [female Mexican accent]
 Honey, tonight, when the kids are sleeping, what are you going to do to me? Que me vas a hacer? [speaks rapid-fire Spanish]
 Quitarte los calzones para ver ese cuuulote! Si.
 [whoosh]
 Si.
 [whoosh]
 Si.
 [whoosh]
 Si.
 [unintelligible]
 està presentado por Pepsi! Sì [whoosh]
.
 I know somebody who doesn’t speak Spanish is gonna go home and try it tonight.
 Sì.
 [whoosh]
 (high-pitched female]
 You better stop that.
 Sì.
 [whoosh]
.
Just have a little fun.
 Like I said, you guys, I wasn’t sure what was gonna happen.
 A lot of things have been happening over the years.
 This past year I had the opportunity to be on a reality show and things kind of worked out a little weird.
----Punchline----
 Well, but hey, all I can say is the winner is the winner, and he did what he did, and he got what he got.
----Tagline(s)----
 Yeah, I’m not the last comic standing, but I’m the only one with a Comedy Central Special.


Similarity Score:0.15675675675675677
Percent Error Setup:76.1255359695093%
Percent Error Punchline:159.14567360350495%
Percent Error TagLine:1701.0416666666667%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:89.14667715296893%
----Setup----
.
 I know my mom is here tonight.
 She’s like– [speaks Spanish]
.
 I love my mom.
 She’s over here, you guys.
 Just say hi to her.
----Punchline----
 Mom.


Similarity Score:0.35714285714285715
Percent Error Setup:85.90995712243927%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:85.68619740464018%
----Setup----
 Right there.
 That little woman made me.
 And she tells everybody, (high-pitched female) No, he came out of here.
 Ay, hombre, this is the road to success.
She is not shy.
 She cracks me up though, man.
 She likes what I do because it’s working, but she still doesn’t get the jokes.
 It’s not that she doesn’t speak English, ’cause she speaks perfect English.
 She just doesn’t see me as a comedian.
 She sees me as her son.
 I can’t tell her a joke ’cause then she questions it and kills it.
 I could tell her something, like, Mom, why did the chicken cross the road? And I’ll get, (high-pitched female) Who let out the chicken? It’s a joke.
 It’s no joke, baboso, you know how much I pay for those chickens? Never mind.
 No, you never mind.
It’s cool, though, man.
 She’s seen me do a lot of things.
 A lot of people say, well, you gave your mom a shot, what about your dad? Well, he’s not in the picture.
 My father, um, ha, let’s put some beans out there, my father was a mariachi.
----Punchline----
 Way–I swear to God–he was one of those straight-up you know, [ra-ta-ta-ta]


Similarity Score:0.24120603015075376
Percent Error Setup:0.7979990471653178%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:1.7302398741643739%
----Setup----
 So I have a vague memory of my father.
 I knew him until I was about maybe four years old.
----Punchline----
 And then apparently they got the band back together and he took off.


Similarity Score:0.5714285714285714
Percent Error Setup:88.6195807527394%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:82.10774675580024%
----Setup----
 I don’t remember exactly what he looks like, and sometimes I’ll take my mom out to dinner and I’ll go, Mom, I don’t mean to bug you about this, what does he look like? Do you have any photos I can get and idea and stuff? And my mom, she’s funny, she grabs a hot sauce.
 [high-pitched female]
----Punchline----
 He looks like that.


Similarity Score:0.375
Percent Error Setup:68.02644116245831%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:67.28273692489186%
----Setup----
 He look just like that.
 For those of you that don’t know, there’s a picture of a mariachi on the bottle of hot sauce.
 So, yeah, we’re doing okay.
Somebody asked me, they say, Well, on your first special that you got to do, you kept talking about this guy, this friend of yours named Felipe.
 ls he a real person? He is a real person.
 And he’s an old friend.
 Known him forever.
 But he’s one of these comedians who doesn’t know when to stop being funny.
 And that’s why it’s hard sometimes to hang out with the guy, ’cause you know, I know when to quit.
 Especially around cops, when I hear [gun cocks]
 the joke is over.
 If I hear [siren]
 you get an apology.
 My friend didn’t know when to draw the line and we were hanging out one day and sure enough a freakin’ cop got mad, (deep male voice) Oh, you think it’s real funny, huh? You think it’s easy to be a police officer? You see that scar? I got stabbed in ’92.
 See that? Bullet wound, ’96.
 What do you got to say about that? And I was, like, I have nothin’ to say about that.
 And my friend, Felipe, is, like, Oh, yeah? What are you doin’? Fool, watch this.
 [screech]
 What are you doin’? He grabs my shirt, pulls it up, tells the cop, Fool, you see those stretch marks? Doughnuts, 1996.
 I said, Dude, he’s gonna kill us.
 I know, fool, but it was funny, huh?And speaking of that, I get pulled over by a cop one night, two minutes after coming out of a Krispy Kreme drive-thru.
 Alright? Don’t get ahead of me, watch, I made a left turn instead of making a right but I wasn’t paying attention ’cause I had a box, I was, like, [gasp]
 Oh, you’re gonna get it when you get home! Oh, you’ve been so bad.
 So–[female screech]
 you’re gonna get it.
 I’m not paying attention, I go the wrong way, right? [rrr]
 Sure enough– [siren]
 [shout]
 Ohhh! I pull over.
 [rrr and screech]
 Mm.
 Later.
 [ba-ba-ba]
 I’m sitting there patiently waiting and the cop is taking forever.
 I said, The hell with this, he’s taking too long.
 I grab my box, I put it on my lap, I flipped it open, right? And–[mmmm]
 [lascivious chuckle]
 [mmm]
 [high-pitched screeches]
 Oh, I was gonna get nasty.
 And just as I was about to tear it up, the cop gets to the window and says the same thing that they all say, right? [deep male voice]
 You know why I stopped you? It was too easy.
 I looked at him and I said, ‘Cause you can smell it.
 Oh, he was dying, [deep male]
 Son of a bitch! Whatever, he let me go, man.
 So you just gotta be careful.
 If you can make a cop laugh, you got a chance.
This past year, I got to experience something else.
----Punchline----
 I experienced my first Raiders game.


Similarity Score:0.1394422310756972
Percent Error Setup:168.25273939971416%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:156.62603224537946%
----Setup----
 Now, uh– hey, listen you guys, it takes a lot of nerve for me to say that after the season that happened last year that I’m a fan.
----Punchline----
 And I became a fan last year.


Similarity Score:0.7567567567567568
Percent Error Setup:84.28418294425917%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:81.0853322847031%
----Setup----
 You can hate it if you want, but you know what? Not only did I become a fan, I did a show in Oakland.
 And I made a couple of jokes and references about the team.
 And apparently there were two players in the audience.
 I didn’t know that.
 Maybe that’s why they lost.
 They shoulda been at home, practicing.
 But there were two there.
 And they confronted me outside.
 They were big guys like so, You got a problem with the Raiders, son? I’m, like, [screech]
 They grabbed me, picked me up, and pinned me against the wall.
 Oh, my God.
 Luckily, they fumbled me and I got away.
And people go, How do you come up with your material, Gabriel? How do you come up with the things you’re gonna say? Things happen to me and then instead of just going to a shrink, I suck it up and I come up here like when I did the joke about the freakin’ Volkswagen, I really used to own a Volkswagen.
 I didn’t just go, Let me see if this is funny.
 I had a Volkswagen.
 No, I lived it.
 People go, Why do you wear Hawaiian shirts? I’ve always worn Hawaiian shirts.
 Bottom line is simple.
 Why do I wear ’em? ‘Cause they fit.
 They’re colorful, and I’m sorry– When you wear a Hawaiian shirt and you’re living in the ghetto, people don’t think you’re up to no good.
 You’re not a gang member wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
 Nobody’s gonna take you serious, you know? [deep black male]
 Where you from? [male Hawaiian accent]
----Punchline----
 Oh, Honolulu, eh.
----Tagline(s)----
 You can’t be hard and colorful.


Similarity Score:0.17985611510791366
Percent Error Setup:44.151977131967605%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:658.3333333333333%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:42.11561148250099%
----Setup----
 Uh-uh.
No way, man.
 And believe me, I’ve had my encounters.
 I had a little encounter one time on a plane.
 Some guy was getting a little weird, and I’m like, Uh-uh, no more for me.
 Every time I get on a plane, there’s always drama.
 Always.
 One time I’m flying to Florida and our plane got hit by lightning.
 Uh-huh.
 The plane drops 600 feet [whoosh]
 straight down.
 That was better than any ride you’ve ever been on.
 I don’t care who you are, you could’ve been freakin’ doin’ 20 years in prison, you killed a hundred people, you can be the baddest toughest dude ever.
 When you’re in a plane and it just drops out of the sky, [gasps]
 Woo! I was gay for five seconds.
 I’m not gonna lie! [screeches]
 [weeping]
 [screech]
 Oh, I was a brokeback Mexican, yes, I was.
 I was in touch with myself.
 It was funny, man.
Before I go, I got one more good story to tell you.
 I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the Beetle in the SUV.
 Took a road trip from LA to Phoenix to go perform at this club.
 Let me tell you who was in the car.
 I’m driving, I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun.
 He’s another Fluffy guy, we call him Sexy Bitch.
 Well, I don’t call him that, his wife calls him that.
 [high-pitched Mexican female]
 He’s a sexy bitch! Anyway, in the back seat I got my friend, Martin.
 Next to him is my friend, Felipe.
 So we take off– [rrr]
 we’re on the 10 freeway, we’re passing all these Indian casinos– [rrr]
 [whoops Indian style]
.
 Sorry, we’re stupid like that.
 Anyway, all of a sudden all these cars start passing me.
 [rrr rrr rrr]
 I’m getting annoyed ’cause I’m driving a [loud truck horn]
.
 I said, Next car that tries to pass me, I’m not gonna let ’em.
 So I’m looking in the rear view mirror, waiting, looking, waiting, waiting, and I see a silver dot.
 The silver dot turned out to be a little car with two hoochies in it.
 Some of you guys are going, How do you know they’re hoochies? ‘Cause my friend Martin was in the back seat going, I feel a disturbance in the force.
 They try to go around and I cut ’em off.
----Punchline----
 [rrr]


Similarity Score:0.181360201511335
Percent Error Setup:114.06026679371128%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:102.94927251278018%
----Setup----
 I’m having fun, they’re back there– [light honk]
.
 Whatever! [truck honk]
 My friend Felipe is in the back seat yelling at me, [male Mexican accent]
 Fool, what are you doing? Dude, don’t worry, I’m having fun.
 Gabriel, you’re gonna get pulled over.
 Dude, I’m okay, it’s cool.
 We’re arguing, going back and forth, I’m not paying attention.
 I don’t see a California highway patrol officer creeping up on us.
 All of a sudden I hear–[siren]
.
 I look at the speedometer: one oh two.
 [audience ohhhs]
 Oh, I freaked out.
 [screeches]
.
 I pulled over.
 [rrrrrrr]
 [braking sound]
 [psssssst]
----Punchline----
 The little car that was behind me with the two hoochies, they got pulled over because they were going just as fast, [rrr and squeak]


Similarity Score:0.24193548387096775
Percent Error Setup:46.8913768461172%
Percent Error Punchline:159.14567360350495%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:36.61030279197798%
----Setup----
 I’m in the front seat of my car, freakin’ out.
 Oh my God, I’m gonna go to jail.
 I’m on the verge of tears.
 From the back seat, I hear my friend Felipe– Fool, what are you cryin’ for? What are you cryin’ for, fool? You’re not the one with weed in his pocket, are you? You have drugs in the car? I told you to slow down, didn’t l? But no! Picachu knows everything.
 Shoot! Everybody roll down your windows.
 [frrr frrr]
 Air out the car.
 Mondo, fart.
 Do something, man.
 The cop walks over to the window, looks in, sees my face, recognizes me from TV, he’s, like, Hey, I know you, you’re a comedian.
 Yeah, you’re that guy from Comedy Central.
 You’re the guy that does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank-call him and you call him a dirty Mexican, and then you go “But it was funny, huh?”
 Oh, I love that joke.
 That one and when you go, [high-pitched female]
 Chocolate cake! Ohh, I love that joke! I hate to do this to you but we got two cars involved.
 I need your license and registration.
 Okay, here you go.
 Here you go.
 So he takes my info, goes back to the car with the two girls in it, the whole time he’s back there, I tell everybody in the car, Check it out! He just recognized me from TV! Maybe if we have some fun with him, crack some jokes, maybe he won’t take the car.
 I don’t care if I get a ticket, but as long as he doesn’t take the car.
 Mondo, be silly, crack a joke.
 Martin, be funny.
 Felipe.
 [deep voice]
 What, fool? Shut the hell up! So the cop comes back to the car, What the hell were you doing out there? Before I could think of something funny to say, from the back seat I hear, “Fool, he was testing the suspension.”
 Oh, my God.
 This pothead’s gonna get me arrested.
 Officer, I’m sorry, that’s my friend, Felipe, that’s the guy from the special, the guy who says “But it was funny, huh?”
 He’s just trying to get me in trouble.
 I’m really sorry.
 Whatever.
 So he goes back to his squad car with my driver’s license, and he’s swiping it in a computer.
 The whole time he’s doing that, he’s being yelled at from the back seat of my car.
 Hey, officer, thank God you have a computer! Last week we got stopped in Mexico, that fool had a Rolodex.
----Punchline----
 The cop starts dying.


Similarity Score:0.10138248847926268
Percent Error Setup:132.48570747975225%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:121.86394022807707%
----Setup----
I go, Oh, we got him going, we got him going.
 I told my buddy Mondo, Give me my CDs.
 I take out my Bad Boys II soundtrack, and I pop it in, track three is the theme song to Cops.
 I tell my friend, Felipe, Tell me when the cop starts walking.
 Okay, fool, here he comes.
 I crank that song as loud as I could.
 [static and beep]
 Ha! Bad boys, what you, what you, what you gonna do.
 [imitates beat music]
 Best part, now the cop is walking to the beat.
 [beat music]
 Even better than that, the two hoochies in the car can hear the music and they’re freakin’ out.
 They’re, like, [high-pitched]
 Oh my God, we’re gonna be on TV! The cop goes to the girls, gives them a ticket, lets them go.
 [rrrrr]
 Looks at our car and at this point, we’re halfway through the song, we’re, like, [sings reggae]
 ♫ Police no give Me no break ♫ [unintelligible]
 Got our arms out the window like a bunch of idiots.
 The cop is in the middle of the freeway, dying.
 [screech and laugh]
 He walks over to the window and he’s like, Shut it off! [screech]
 [click]
 Yes, sir.
 Hands me my license and the registration, and he tells me, Gabriel, I want you to do me a big favor, I want you to keep this tank under a hundred.
 You think you can do that? Uh-huh.
 Do that for me, keep on doing what you do, and you have yourself a nice day.
----Punchline----
 But, but, that’s it? No ticket? No ticket.
----Tagline(s)----
 How come the girls got a ticket? And he tells me the coolest thing, he says, ‘Cause they couldn’t make me laugh.


Similarity Score:0.36860068259385664
Percent Error Setup:40.90042877560743%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:2175.0%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:49.78372001572946%
----Setup----
 Woo-whee! You don’t understand, Gabriel, I’ve been on the force now for 26 years.
----Punchline----
 This is hands-down the funniest damn traffic stop I’ve ever been a part of.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:91.87112910909957%
Percent Error Punchline:49.50711938663746%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.66378293354306%
----Setup----
 This is going in the books as one of the funniest things that ever happened to a police officer, I swear to God.
----Punchline----
 The only story better than this one is a buddy of mine pulled over some fat guy that gave him doughnuts.


Similarity Score:0.5217391304347826
Percent Error Setup:86.99380657455931%
Percent Error Punchline:119.27710843373494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.48446716476602%
----Setup----
 I turn around to yell at my friend, Too late, the cop is at the window, You wanna run that by me again, son? You heard what I said, fool.
 Oh, you think this a big joke, don’t you? You think that just because I gave your buddy here a break, I know who he is, I like what he does, I don’t know you, I don’t like you.
 Step out of the car.
 I turn around and my friend Felipe is, like, Whooo.
 I am so scared.
 And the cop pulls out his gun, [cocks gun]
 I’m freakin’ out, Oh my God! Back seat, my friend, Felipe: Whooo.
 Whooo.
 I am so scared.
 Fool, he is good.
 He is good.
 Then he points it at him.
 The look on my friend Felipe’s face, [gasp]
 [whispers]
 Priceless! Are you serious? Are you serious? I’m a-go to jail? The cop was like [cocks gun]
– Nah, but that was funny, huh?I love you, Bakersfield! Thank you![curtain music]
----Punchline----
(Martin) We’re gonna bring Gabriel back out to answer some questions for you.


Similarity Score:0.3016759776536313
Percent Error Setup:10.040495474035254%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:8.49390483680692%
----Setup----
 Ladies and gentlemen, coming back to the stage, Gabriel Iglesias.
Thank you, Martin.
 You pulled it off bro, congratulations.
 I needed that the first time I– well, never mind.
 They want to ask you some questions, uh, Who we got first? This is a little different something we decided to do because there’s gonna be a DVD release with special features we figured why not, sometimes people do things and sometimes people wanna know information and rather than go on the Internet, you can ask the source.
 So, here’s you guys’ opportunity, anything you guys wanna ask me, go for it.
 What’s your name, homey? My name is Danny.
 Where you from? Visalia, California.
 Visalia in the house! Go ahead, Danny.
 This past summer I got on a rollercoaster, when I sat down, it went click, click, click.
 How many’d you get? Dude, I’m beyond clicks now.
 I don’t even get on.
 Like six years ago, bro, I could still go to Disneyland, and lean on–[grrr]
.
 Now, I’m older, I hang out by the strollers.
 What’s your question, Patricia? How does your family feel about your success? Um, some of the family thinks that I’m doing pretty good.
----Punchline----
 My mom is happy ’cause she’s got a car and it’s paid for.


Similarity Score:0.2358490566037736
Percent Error Setup:7.30109575988566%
Percent Error Punchline:39.539978094194964%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:8.375933936295715%
----Setup----
 There are some members of the family that think I’ve gone Hollywood, and I’m like, Okay.
 Some of the family members are really cool about it, and some are just kinda you know, hmmm.
 I love them all, but, you know, hey, whatever.
----Punchline----
 Not everybody can get a check.


Similarity Score:0.5490196078431373
Percent Error Setup:76.15531205335874%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:73.92843098702319%
----Setup----
 Hey, how you doin’? What’s your name? (Gabriel) JuIia! I know JuIia.
 You guys go back, eh? Way back.
 Like that? Like that.
 My question is to you, I know you’re making fun of me for having the runs and going to pee, and I know you have a girlfriend, I saw her, very pretty, but will you please marry me, my fluffy bunny? [audience goes oh!]
 “Fluffy bunny?”
 Wow.
 Girl, my girlfriend’s gonna jump you and my mom’s gonna help.
 Take one for the team.
 Thank you, though.
 Bye, now.
 Woo! [screech]
 Juan, Mexican name.
 Yeah.
 Què pasò.
----Punchline----
 How you doin’, bro? Who’s your favorite stand-up and have you ever met him? My favorite stand-up comic, Robin Williams, and I met him last year.


Similarity Score:0.25196850393700787
Percent Error Setup:45.80752739399714%
Percent Error Punchline:169.11281489594742%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:35.07668108533228%
----Setup----
Yeah.
 Thank you, man.
 What I was curious about is how you come up with your material.
 How do I come up with material? Uh, some people have writers, some comics are writers, I don’t know how to sit down and come up with funny stuff and then come out here and try to perform it.
 I usually react to things that are happening, like people getting up, walking to the bathroom, baboso.
 And it’s still the same guy, too.
 Things happen to me on a daily basis, and I find a way to make them funny, like, for example, sometimes at night, when I go to a drive-thru and they mess me up, I like to go back in line again, and mess with them.
 Like when they come on the speaker, Welcome to McDonaId’.
----Punchline----
s, how can I help you? I’ll just start messing with them.


Similarity Score:0.2972972972972973
Percent Error Setup:26.29823725583611%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:24.341329138812426%
----Setup----
 You don’t just write that, it’s kind of a spur of the moment type of thing.
 Then I come up here and tell the story.
 Everything you hear me talk about on the shows is usually a real story.
 How are you handling success? How am I handling it? I’ll let you know when this airs.
 I’ll let you know when the DVDs come out to see if I hang [unintelligible]
.
 Honestly, bro, I don’t know how you would say how you’re handling it, I don’t forget where I’m from, that’s exactly why I wanted to do the special here because it was a– 1 0 years later type of thing.
 I still have my original best friend from way back in the day when I didn’t have comedy.
 When I would go spend Christmas at his house.
 And I have people that love me and care about me whether this happens or doesn’t happen.
 My brother will still let me sleep on his porch.
 So, it’s going good, man.
 Stay true to your roots.
 Thank you, bro.
 Ladies and gentlemen, this is a guy by the name of Fast Freddy.
 Fast Freddy has been coming out to see my shows for what, a good three, four years? 2000 you opened up for Weird Al Yankovic in San Diego.
 What year was that? Two thousand.
----Punchline----
 So for six years, you have successfully stalked me.


Similarity Score:0.2457627118644068
Percent Error Setup:22.474988089566462%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:20.644907589461265%
----Setup----
 [high-pitched cries]
 And made it to the special.
 This guy right here, is one of the greatest fans any entertainer could ever ask for.
 And he’s just been a really really nice guy.
 We did a show in Denver, Colorado, and he had his entire family reunion come to the show.
 And any time I said his name, they’re like, [screeches]
 But no, honestly dude, I appreciate your coming out tonight, and I’m gonna see to it you come out on the DVD, and you can burn it, make copies and give it to your friends and sell it at the Swap-Meet.
 But I really appreciate you and your wife always coming out to the shows.
 Man, you’ve shown a lot of love and I appreciate you showin’ the Hawaiian shirt.
 Oh, yeah.
 But what’s your question, bro? You’ve been all over the nation, performing.
----Punchline----
 Where have been some of your favorite places to perform? I don’t wanna kiss butt but mmm, one of them.


Similarity Score:0.2634730538922156
Percent Error Setup:20.878989995235823%
Percent Error Punchline:109.30996714129245%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:14.628391663389696%
----Setup----
 Yeah.
 Uh, some favorite places have been like, um, Phoenix, Arizona, San Antonio, Texas, Houston, Texas, uh, Florida, all over Florida.
 Miami.
 New York.
 I’ve had a lot of fun places.
 One of the most interesting was in Canada.
 I performed for Canadians.
 Eh.
 They say “eh” more than gang members.
 How you doin’, eh? Orale, eh.
 I love performing everywhere.
 There are some places that l’d rather not go back, I won’t mention them in case they sell the CD and DVD there.
 What’s your name? Salvador.
 Salvador! It’s like a soap opera name.
 (girl voice) ¿ Donde vas? ¿Quièn eres? (male voice) Salvador.
 Just messin’ with you, bro.
 My question is, what’s your mom’s favorite dish that she taught you how to make or not? My mom’s favorite dish, that she would cook? Yeah.
 Uh, Jack I n the Box.
 Drive-thru.
 See, my mom, yeah, she’s Mexican, but she ole school Mexican, she didn’t even wanna cook.
 When I was a little kid, my mom would go play bingo, she still plays it and she’d come home at like one o’clock at night, and I’m like Mom, I’m hungry.
 (female Mexican accent) Let’s go.
 We’d go hit a Jack in the Box and it became a routine.
 When I was a little kid, I used to be like this, then, years later, Jack in the Box.
----Punchline----
 Mom, what’s your favorite dish? Tamales! Oh, she’s getting mad, [imitates]


Similarity Score:0.22406639004149378
Percent Error Setup:24.100762267746546%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:23.20094376720409%
----Setup----
 Yeah, ’cause she’d make ’em once a year for Christmas and make me cook ’em with her, I’m tying the pinche tamales, I’m holding– [high-pitched]
 Amàrralos! I couldn’t take a bath because there’s a bunch of freakin’ corn husks in the tub because she’s letting them soak.
 I smell like culo but she don’t care.
 [high-pitched]
 I have to make tamales! Hey, Nick, what’s your question? What’s your favorite joke? What is my favorite joke? Oh, that’s a good question.
 Donkey! I know it’s not exactly a joke but it makes me laugh every time I say it.
 Hey! I actually told a joke, it’s not even a clean joke, my very first joke that I told, when I was 1 0 years old, I did a show at my elementary school, I went up on stage and I said this, I said, [unintelligible]
 I said, Why did the chicken cross the road? And the whole crowd said, Why? And I said, To check out the chicks.
----Punchline----
 My name is Philip.


Similarity Score:0.21965317919075145
Percent Error Setup:8.956646021915196%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:11.561148250098308%
----Setup----
 [inaudible]
 So I just want to say thanks to you.
 [unintelligible]
 You kept us alive through some rough times.
----Punchline----
 So thanks a lot, brother.


Similarity Score:0.5384615384615384
Percent Error Setup:89.16150547879943%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:86.70861187573732%
----Setup----
 I appreciate it, man.
 I’m glad you could make it here, bro.
----Punchline----
 Huh? Tacos, later, what’s up? For Philip and everybody in the Marines, guys, let them hear it.


Similarity Score:0.5806451612903226
Percent Error Setup:92.95497856121962%
Percent Error Punchline:79.40854326396494%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:84.1525756979945%
----Setup----
Go ahead, man.
 Go ahead.
 Go ahead.
 [unintelligible]
 Ven p’acà.
 Get to the mike, pendejo.
 Come here.
 All night you wanna say something, now is your chance.
 You wanna scream.
 Ven p’acà.
 What have you been drinking all night? [unintelligible]
? Budweiserrr.
 Bud Liiites.
 He even says it with an accent, huh? Budweiserrr! Bud Liiite! That’s the way you do it.
 That’s the way they allll do it.
 What’s your question? Where’s afterward? Last time I was here, we were told you were gonna be in one place and you were at another.
 I wanna take it from you.
 What are you asking? Where am I gonna be next? Where we all gonna go? After hours? Fuckin’ Denny’s.
 [unintelligible]
 East side? Hey.
 Hey.
 East side, north side, west side? south side? [unintelligible]
.
 What’d you say? East side, north side, south side? Cabron, it’s cold, we’re gonna stay inside.
 I don’t know which one is that.
 Alright, I guess that’s it, you guys.
----Punchline----
 Hey, listen, I really cannot express how touched I am that you guys sold out two shows tonight, here at the very first place where I started.


Similarity Score:0.2222222222222222
Percent Error Setup:12.750119104335397%
Percent Error Punchline:179.07995618838993%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:3.381832481321273%
----Setup----
This special is gonna air on Comedy Central either June or July and you guys can say you were part of it, and hopefully it looks really nice on TV.
 Maybe they’ll cut off a pound or two.
 We’ll definitely be back here, give us about another year and we’ll be back to do it again, and I love you guys, thank you for showing love.
 Have a good night! Thank you! Captioned by Blue 105 www.
----Punchline----
blue105.
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.20253164556962025
Percent Error Setup:58.2717960933778%
Percent Error Punchline:90.03285870755751%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:59.614628391663395%
----Setup----
 We got a packed house, thank you for coming out, thank you very much for the Latinos in the house.
 Muchas gracias.
 Where you at, Rosa? We got enough Latinos in here to start a march.
----Punchline----
 That’s beautiful.


Similarity Score:0.4
Percent Error Setup:79.94878513577895%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:79.55171057805741%
----Setup----
 Wow.
----Punchline----
 We are not marching anywhere.
----Tagline(s)----
 Get back to work! Where’s the black folks? Make some noise, black folks! [a few voices]


Similarity Score:0.23076923076923078
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:1606.25%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:86.70861187573732%
----Setup----
 Alright, two! Well, that’s all we need to keep the white people distracted from the Latinos in the house.
 I love black folks.
 Black guys have got to be the coolest men on the planet.
 You know that? That’s right.
 I’ll tell you right now.
----Punchline----
 A black guy could punk a white guy into some fashion.
----Tagline(s)----
 A black guy could show up wearing a clown suit talking shit, it’s a clown suit, bitches! Honk honk, that’s my cell phone, n i g g a.


Similarity Score:0.38636363636363635
Percent Error Setup:75.07146260123868%
Percent Error Punchline:19.605695509309967%
Percent Error TagLine:2743.75%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:55.01376327172631%
----Setup----
 There’d be a white guy behind him, Holy shit, we gotta get a clown suit.
 They are cool.
 Latinos, we got it all twisted.
 We thought hard work was gonna do the trick.
 It’s hard work being Latino, right? You gotta sneak in through the desert, get a job without an I D, learn how to speak English.
 Black folks tried hard work for 200 years, you see where that shit got them.
 A boat showed up to Africa, it was a messed-up trip but a boat showed up.
 Can you imagine if a boat showed up in Mexico? Latinos would be running each other over, trying to get on.
 Vamonos, cabron, call your tio, it’s free, let’s go! Shit, you think we fit a lot of people in a car? Mess around and give us a boat? We’ll have people hanging from that anchor, Take me too! Oh, man, I talk a lot of shit.
 It looks like we got a lot of couples in the house.
 Couples, where you at? Make some noise, couples.
 [much shouting]
 Wow.
 Better you than me.
 I was married one time, had a traditional Latino Catholic wedding.
 Very traditional.
----Punchline----
 My girlfriend was pregnant.


Similarity Score:0.22772277227722773
Percent Error Setup:6.759171033825632%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:3.263861580810068%
----Setup----
 My son was the best man.
 It was traditional.
 I’m not doing it again though.
 And I knew marriage wasn’t for me, because at the wedding they were throwing minute rice.
 I knew it wasn’t gonna last, right? And my favorite part out of the whole wedding thing was the bachelor party.
 Are you kidding? Free beers, free lapdances, that’s a good time, right? Because strip clubs are expensive when you gotta pay, right? You got a big ol’ cover charge, you get all mad, I shoulda brought the VIP tickets I got last week.
 You walk in, beers are eight bucks, lapdances are 25 bucks, and then they trick you, two for one, two for one, but then the song’s over in one minute.
 What the hell is that? Who’s doing the music here? DJ ComeQuick? This is bullshit.
 It’s horrible.
 That is why I like strip clubs in Mexico.
----Punchline----
 That is the shit right there.
----Tagline(s)----
 And if you haven’t gone, you owe it to yourselves to take a vacation, just to check it out.


Similarity Score:0.24444444444444444
Percent Error Setup:17.627441638875656%
Percent Error Punchline:30.230010952902518%
Percent Error TagLine:1890.625%
Percent TagLine Number:54.166666666666664%
Percent Error Total:7.982697601258355%
----Setup----
 Everybody is welcome in the Mexican strip club.
 You got your wife, you got your kids, come on in, they don’t care.
 First of all, there’.
s no cover charge.
 There’s a midget about that big, just recruiting people.
 He’s got horns, whistles, make it look like a carnival.
 Come on in! You walk in, no cover charge.
 Two-dollar beers.
 One-dollar shooters.
 Lapdances, 25 bucks, but every lapdance has a happy ending.
 That is good times.
 You have got to be carefuI at the Mexican strip clubs.
 The girls look young.
 They’re legal, but they’re barely legal.
 It’s like it’s gonna be midnight and they’re like seventeen and a half.
 It’s like, alright.
 It’s like a New Year’s countdown.
 Five, four, three, two, hit the pole, baby, you’re legal.
 I’m telling you, one of these girls didn’t even have high heels.
 She had tennis shoes.
 She was dancing, little lights were coming on in the back.
 I’m Martin Moreno, you guys have been a lot of fun.
----Punchline----
 Thank you very much.


Similarity Score:0.29069767441860467
Percent Error Setup:9.498570747975226%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:12.072355485646872%
----Setup----
 Thank you! Coming to the stage, a very very funny man, you might have seen him at Que Locos, Latino Laugh Festival.
 Please a big hand, M r.
----Punchline----
 Noe Gonzalez.


Similarity Score:0.4375
Percent Error Setup:84.28418294425917%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:83.64136846244593%
----Setup----
 [inaudible]
 Alright.
 Alright.
 Alright, I’m five foot three, fuck it, how you doin’ everybody? [shouts]
 Alright.
 There’s advantages to being short, right? Hell, yeah, I could get drunk quick.
----Punchline----
 Two Bud Lites, I’m gone.


Similarity Score:0.2777777777777778
Percent Error Setup:83.74225821819914%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:81.59653952025168%
----Setup----
 There’s advantages.
 I could stand under a table when there’s an earthquake.
 I could just stand there.
 You guys good over there? Yeah, I’m good over here.
 The bathroom of the airplane, I fit in there.
 Tall people, you don’t fit in there, huh? Your knees are hittin’ the door like that.
 Not me, that’s like my living room, man.
 I’m like woo! This flight is takin’ forever.
 Let me wash my hands real quick.
 One thing that sucks is that people always know what I am for Halloween.
 Tall people, you can fool your friends.
 You show up to the party, everybody’s like, Who’s Batman over there? I don’t know, but there’s Noe right there.
 Last year I dressed up as King Kong.
 My friends came up to me, Hey, you’re Curious George, huh, bro? Come here! So I was just watching the movie of exorcism of Emily Rose.
 Have you seen that movie? That’s a scary movie, man, because the devil could just pop into you at any time.
 I didn’t know he could do that.
 You know, she was just walking down the street, How you doin’? [groans]
 That guy stayed with her, (deep male voice) Honey, I love you, I don’t care! [groan]
----Punchline----
 And then his friends would get mad, he would take her to parties, Hey dude, your chick is triping by the punchbowl, look.


Similarity Score:0.25
Percent Error Setup:12.720343020485947%
Percent Error Punchline:139.21139101861993%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:18.60007864726701%
----Setup----
 Nobody wants to drink punch, bro, take her home.
 (deep male voice) Come on, honey, let’s get out of here.
 Only white people get possessed by the devil.
 I’ve seen the first two Exorcists movies, guys.
 Latinos, we don’t get possessed by the devil because our moms would beat the shit out of the devil.
 Our mom with el diablo, [speaks Spanish angrily]
.
 Traeme el tapatio, con el tapatìo se sale el diablo.
 Con el tapatio– Hijo de la chingada! [unintelligible]
.
 Speaking of the devil, I just broke up with my girlfriend.
 Sorry about that.
----Punchline----
 It was hard, man, because she had cable.


Similarity Score:0.2857142857142857
Percent Error Setup:47.97522629823725%
Percent Error Punchline:10.295728368017523%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:46.323240267400706%
----Setup----
 Man, she has N FL Preview, maybe I should wait till February.
 We’re always fighting.
 We got in a fight at six flags.
 We were right there in line for Superman, the ride.
 And there was these cholos in front of us, playing around with water guns, just shooting each other.
 They’re [psh psh]
----Punchline----
 Go Raiders, hey! [psh psh]
----Tagline(s)----


Similarity Score:0.22580645161290322
Percent Error Setup:70.19414006669842%
Percent Error Punchline:40.197152245345016%
Percent Error TagLine:5.208333333333336%
Percent TagLine Number:77.08333333333334%
Percent Error Total:68.305151395989%
----Setup----
 We just got us splashed, you got drenched, you didn’t say nothing! Now you want me to go do something? She says, Fine, if I get wet again, I’m gonna go do something.
 I go, Oh, shit.
 So an hour goes by, and the cholos they start playing around with the water guns– [psh psh]
----Punchline----
 and she got wet again, (female voice) That’s it! She ran over there, she had a full Coke.


Similarity Score:0.24
Percent Error Setup:69.6522153406384%
Percent Error Punchline:89.37568455640745%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:61.659457333857645%
----Setup----
 The cholos were standing there, all full of Coke, stunned, all sticky, Then they looked at me, Hey, bro, control your bitch! I was, like, Whoa.
 See? I told you you were a bitch.
 Didn’t I tell you–? Hey, bro, I’m not even with her, dog.
 I don’t even know what I’m doing here, I can’t even get on the rides.
 Go, Raiders.
 So I just turned 30 like 4 years ago.
 All my friends pitched in, they gave me a Harley Davidson for my birthday.
 It sucked because I couldn’t reach it.
 I took it back, tried to get it custom-sized, they gave me a Moped.
 Moped sucks, they have like no power.
 I couldn’t go over a speed bump– [imitates small motor]
 So I just got a little dog.
 I haven’t named it yet.
 I like the way white people name their pets.
 You name them after real people, like, this is my dog, Benjamin.
 Hi, Benji.
 Latinos we don’t really care what we name our pet, we’ll name it after any object.
 I went over my cousin’s house, he says I brought a neat dog.
----Punchline----
 He’s right over there.


Similarity Score:0.25773195876288657
Percent Error Setup:2.423773225345404%
Percent Error Punchline:50.16429353778751%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:0.8257963035784496%
----Setup----
 Black people, they always get big old tough dogs.
 A pit bull, [barks]
.
----Punchline----
 I’ve never seen a black guy with a cat.


Similarity Score:0.25
Percent Error Setup:92.4130538351596%
Percent Error Punchline:0.3285870755750262%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:87.73102634683445%
----Setup----
 I’ve never seen a black guy in the trees, looking for his cat, (deep black male voice) Where you are, kitty, kitty! Come on, motherfucker, we goin’ for a walk, bitch! Where’s my kitty? Come on, kitty, kitty?! Here, kitty, kitty.
----Punchline----
 Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh, kitty, kitty.


Similarity Score:0.32
Percent Error Setup:77.2391615054788%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:74.43963822257177%
----Setup----
 You guys have been a lot of fun! Thank you very much, guys! Have a good time tonight, guys! Have a good time.
 Coming to the stage, a very funny man, please put your hands together for M r.
 Armando Cosio.
----Punchline----
 Thank you.


Similarity Score:0.5777777777777777
Percent Error Setup:77.2391615054788%
Percent Error Punchline:70.09857612267251%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:76.99567440031458%
----Setup----
 That’s Saddam, man, that’s him.
 They hung ‘im.
 Yeah, well, the rope broke.
 Some of you guys are saying, That guy should work out.
 Should jog after the ice cream man.
 That’s what my old lady says.
 You should jog after the ice cream man.
 I go, Ha ha, real funny.
 You know I can’t jog after the ice cream man.
----Punchline----
 He parks in front of the house.


Similarity Score:0.37142857142857144
Percent Error Setup:66.40066698427822%
Percent Error Punchline:20.26286966046002%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:64.21549351160047%
----Setup----
 On purpose.
 He’s right there, Hey, the gordo lives right here.
 Go ahead, crank up the music, crank that up.
 Subele, subele.
 He’s gonna come out right now.
 And when he comes out, we’re gonna make them run, and we’re gonna take off.
 Here it comes, here it comes.
 Go! Go, go, go! And that’s just the guy with the pushcart and little bell on the handlebars– [pring, pring, pring]
.
 I know how to stop them, though.
 But hey, Jose, I’m gonna call the green man on your ass if you don’t stop it.
 Okay, gordo, don’t–don’t fuck around, gordo, okay? Don’t mess around, goddamn it, you son of a bitch, hijo de tu pinche madre, ay goddamn it.
 I got childrens and everything so don’t fuck.
 I give you credit.
 And I’m like, Alright, man.
 Give me a Choco-Taco.
 It’s a trip, man when on hot days he’s got beer in there.
 This is a guy that sells ice cream to our children.
 I say, Hey, Jose, what the hell is the beer for? No, no, tch, tch, tch.
 He forgets how to speak, he just blows air.
 Tch, tch, tch, ahh.
 Tch, tch, tch.
 [mumbles]
 Hot! It is hot, goddamn it.
 It’s hot.
 I know it’s hot but you got like a case and a half in there.
 No, cabron, it’s not just for me.
 It for my friend, the elote man.
----Punchline----
 The corn guy.


Similarity Score:0.13389121338912133
Percent Error Setup:27.352310624106718%
Percent Error Punchline:60.13143483023001%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:22.178529296106962%
----Setup----
 Yeah.
----Punchline----
 Yeah.


Similarity Score:0.5
Percent Error Setup:98.91615054787994%
Percent Error Punchline:80.065717415115%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:97.95517105780574%
----Setup----
 Same horn, every neighborhood.
 [squeaking horn]
 [sings out]
 Elotes! Elotes! That guy– he parks in front of my house too.
 Aqui vive el gordo? No, the gordo lives right here.
 He lives right here.
 Oh, I got a special horn for him.
 No, not the [unintelligible]
.
 No, no, a special horn for him.
 Watch, watch.
 [squeaky gordo, gordo, gordo]
 Son of a bitch.
 Man.
 And I’ve been married for 32 years, so you know how that is.
 Yeah.
 Have to role-play with her and everything.
 The other day we had sex dolphin-style.
 You guys ever try dolphin style? Okay, dolphin style is like doggy style but if you hit the wrong opening, she’s gonna go, [eee eee eee]
----Punchline----
You guys have been a lot of fun, guys, thank you very much.


Similarity Score:0.30303030303030304
Percent Error Setup:35.5109575988566%
Percent Error Punchline:29.572836801752466%
Percent Error TagLine:100.0%
Percent TagLine Number:100.0%
Percent Error Total:32.520644907589464%