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Expand Up @@ -27,8 +27,8 @@ Bhakti techniques, given my upbringing in a Hindu family where I had performed
and attended rituals with my current rational mind, I wasn't convinced by the
Bhakti path.

My perspective shifted when I encountered Dr. Daniel Ingram's book, ["Mastering the
Core Teachings of the Buddha](https://www.mctb.org/), which offered a practical approach to
My perspective shifted when I encountered Dr. Daniel Ingram's book, [Mastering the
Core Teachings of the Buddha](https://www.mctb.org/)[^1], which offered a practical approach to
enlightenment without mysticism. Inspired, I delved into the techniques outlined
in his book, embarking on self-retreats intermittently for several months until
I reached a stage known as the Dark Night, which I'll delve into in future and I
Expand All @@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ Realizing the need for formal, in-person meditation training, I sought out
Insight meditation retreats in the Theravada tradition, free from sectarian
beliefs and dogmas. Dan recommended
[Tattagatha](https://www.tathagata.org/retreats) in San Jose, California, which
caught my attention, offering free 60-day retreats. I couldn't find a way to
caught my attention, offering 60-day retreats. I couldn't find a way to
give 60 days time commitment.

Then, I stumbled upon a [10 day retreat by SN Goenka](https://dhamma.org/),
Expand Down Expand Up @@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ had sought, a crucible for inner transformation.

## Days 1 to 2: The Battle with the Monkey

On Day 1, despite setting my alarm for 3:59 am, I naturally woke up at 4:00 am.
On Day 1, despite setting my alarm for 4:00 am, I naturally woke up at 3:59 am.
It felt like the universe was aligning with my intentions. After a bracing cold
shower, I dove straight into meditation at 4:30 am. My mind, ever the wanderer,
whisked me away to both real and imaginary realms. This pattern persisted during
Expand All @@ -88,40 +88,48 @@ discomfort was temporary, a passing phase on the path to inner growth.

## Day 3: Narrowing the region of attention

On Day 3, our focus shifted to the region below the nostrils, and I noticed a
significant improvement in my ability to concentrate. This sharpening of the
mind came as a welcome development, even though maintaining this focus
throughout the day proved to be a formidable challenge. My body began to exhibit
signs of fatigue, prompting thoughts about the curriculum for the remaining
days. Despite my dwindling energy, I remained undeterred, determined to
persevere.
On Day 3, our focus shifted to the region below the nostrils and above the upper
lips, and I noticed a significant improvement in my ability to concentrate. This
sharpening of the mind came as a welcome development, even though maintaining
this focus throughout the day proved to be a formidable challenge. My body began
to exhibit signs of fatigue, prompting thoughts about the curriculum for the
remaining days. Despite my dwindling energy, I remained undeterred, determined
to persevere.

However, the chanting during our meditation sessions presented a cultural hurdle
for me. The language used, Hindi, felt discordant to my ears, with the tune
resembling a mourning chant rather than the peaceful, energizing chants I was
accustomed to in Sanskrit and Tamil. Nonetheless, I resolved to remain
open-minded and focused on my personal journey of self-discovery.

## Day 4: Insights and persistence
## Day 4: Vipashana and persistence

On Day 4, the practice evolved as we were instructed to observe sensations
across different parts of the body, from the crown of the head to the soles of
the feet, while discerning the three characteristics inherent in each sensation.
This approach resonated with me, as I had encountered these principles
previously in Dan's book. The task was clear: methodically observe each part of
previously in MCTB. The task was clear: methodically observe each part of
the body, honing in on the impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and selflessness
present in every sensation.
present in every sensation. Whether experiencing a pleasant sensation akin to
electric pulse-like vibrations or an unpleasant one such as itch, tingle, sweat,
or burn, the goal was to observe them without bias. This meant cultivating
equanimity by neither craving the pleasant nor averting from the unpleasant.

For me, this approach felt natural, as I consciously rejected the notion of
categorizing sensations as either pleasant or unpleasant. Instead, I embraced
each sensation with equal acceptance, allowing for a deeper understanding of the
impermanent and selfless nature of all phenomena.

## Day 5: Reflections

On Day 5, the meditation instructions took a new direction, prompting us to
observe sensations from bottom to top and then alternating between top to bottom
and bottom to top. While we were prohibited from taking notes, a practice
advocated by Dan in his book, I found value in reflecting on each session
afterward. This post-sit reflection allowed me to gauge the effectiveness of my
practice and identify areas for improvement. By remaining focused and
introspective in this way, I not only stayed on track but also made significant
strides along the path of self-discovery and calmness with my mind.
and bottom to top. While we were prohibited from taking notes post sits, a
practice advocated by Dan in his book, I found value in reflecting on each
session afterward. This post-sit reflection allowed me to gauge the
effectiveness of my practice and identify areas for improvement. By remaining
focused and introspective in this way, I not only stayed on track but also made
significant strides along the path of self-discovery and calmness with my mind.

## Days 6 to 8: Equanimity

Expand All @@ -139,15 +147,18 @@ self-retreats prior to the Dark Night. However, this time, I encountered
difficulty in realizing these truths. Despite my knowledge and prior experiences
pointing towards the non-existence of self, I struggled to witness it firsthand.

In parallel I was struggling with back ache in my middle and upper spine due to
long sits. By now I had tried padmasanaa, sidhasana, vajraasanaa[^2] and I know
there's no magic on the floor. All of them yielded nothing but pain.

[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/996afHNbbG0/default.jpg)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=996afHNbbG0)

Persisting in my inquiry, I reached a pivotal realization: I had been neglecting
a crucial aspect of practice - relaxation and smiling, as taught by Bante
Vimalaramsi As I embraced this technique wholeheartedly, a profound shift
occurred. Suddenly, I experienced a profound disassociation of the self from
sensations, marking a significant milestone in my journey of self-discovery and
realization.
Vimalaramsi in his Metta meditation. As I embraced the relax and smile technique
wholeheartedly, a profound shift occurred. Suddenly, I experienced a profound
disassociation of the self from sensations, marking a significant milestone in
my journey of self-discovery and realization.

## Day 9: Persistence

Expand Down Expand Up @@ -176,23 +187,26 @@ self and the power of silence in fostering inner peace.
The introduction of loving-kindness meditation, known as Metta in Pali language,
marked a significant departure from the Vipassana technique I had been immersed
in. While Metta was not new to me, having practiced it before under the guidance
of Bante, its inclusion in the retreat presented a novel approach to meditation.
Unlike Vipassana, where sensations are the focus, Metta meditation centers on
cultivating feelings of happiness and loving-kindness.
of Bante, its inclusion in the retreat was presented as a soothing balm to the
wound. Unlike Vipassana, where bodily sensations are the focus, Metta meditation
centers on cultivating feelings of happiness and loving-kindness, and using this
feeling as the object of meditation. To be honest, I felt Goenka fell terribly
short on this method.

[![Guided Metta Meditation](https://img.youtube.com/vi/XxJFum2RYIs/default.jpg)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxJFum2RYIs)

Initially, the teacher's chanting during the Metta session felt reminiscent of
familiar Hindu traditions, but the monotonous tone disrupted my meditation,
prompting me to return to Vipassana. Yet, during moments of silence in the
meditation hall, I found myself naturally gravitating towards Metta using
Bante's technique.
Initially, the Goenka's chanting during the Metta session felt reminiscent of
familiar Hindu traditions, but the mourning tone disrupted my meditation,
prompting me to return to Vipassana. Yet, when others were practising Vipashana
in silence, I found myself naturally gravitating towards Metta using Bante's
technique.

As I immersed myself in Metta, I experienced a profound shift. Uttering the
phrase "Sarveeshaam svasthir bavathu" in my mind with pure intentions, I was
overwhelmed by a surge of pleasant sensations, accompanied by tears. However,
this experience, though initially euphoric, soon gave way to uncertainty and
discomfort. Was this rush of sensations a manifestation of dissatisfaction? I
phrase "Sarveeshaam svasthir bavathu"[^3] in my mind with pure intentions, I was
overwhelmed by a surge of pleasant sensations, accompanied by tears. This
persisted for over 2 minutes. However, this experience, though initially
euphoric, soon gave way to discomfort as it moved my focus away from the feeling
of happiness. Was this rush of sensations a manifestation of dissatisfaction? I
couldn't be certain.

As I alternated between focusing on happiness and grappling with distractions, I
Expand All @@ -214,7 +228,6 @@ hard. When you take a few moments to relax and just observe what's going on and
the butterflies will sit all over you. Good things in life are like these
butterflies.


## Body Statistics

My body felt like it was beaten to pulp after long sits for 10 days. I slept
Expand All @@ -233,10 +246,57 @@ Squats|195 lb x 5 reps x 2 sets|110 lb x 3 reps x 1 set

## Conclusion

In conclusion, I wholeheartedly recommend such retreats to anyone seeking to
enhance their lives and nurture their emotional well-being. For the greatest
journey is not one of external exploration, but rather the deep dive into the
recesses of our own consciousness. True happiness lies not in reaching a
destination but in savoring the moments along the way.
Life unfolds in its own way, yet our minds often impulsively react to its twists
and turns. Retreats like this offer an opportunity to rewire our responses,
fostering mindful reactions imbued with genuine peace and wholesomeness,
regardless of the circumstances. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly recommend such
retreats to anyone seeking to enrich their lives and cultivate emotional
well-being. For the most profound journey is not one of external discovery, but
rather an introspective voyage into the depths of our own consciousness. True
happiness is found not in reaching a destination, but in cherishing the moments
along the way. Embrace this journey fully!

Until next time, may you find peace, harmony, and boundless happiness.

## Footnotes

[^1]: [MCTB audiobook on SoundCloud](https://on.soundcloud.com/wbp84)

[^2]: `Aasanaa` means posture and `yOgA` means meditation, aka, being in union
with yourself, not the body stretches as advertized by the western yoga studios.

[^3]: I highly recommend finding "your hymn/shlokam" in your mother tongue rather
than in a foreign language that may not resonate deeply within you. Personally,
I don't subscribe to the belief that words hold power when their absolute
meaning is unknown. Chanting in a foreign language often fails to evoke the
profound feeling of happiness within me. For me, the true resonance comes from
hymns or shlokas in Tamil or Sanskrit, languages that hold a deep cultural and
spiritual significance for me.

I find that chanting in Hindi/Pali or in the manner of Goenka's mournful tune
lacks the genuine connection I seek. As Goenka himself might say, the mental
volition may be strong, but the execution falls short. Ultimately, it's the
wholesome feelings invoked by the chant that hold greater importance than the
words themselves.

Here is the complete shlokam in Sanskrit along with its English meaning.
Translate it into your mother tongue and recite it peacefully to experience the
true happiness within you.

Sarveeshaam swastir bhavathu

Sarveeshaam shaantir bhavathu

Sarveeshaam puurnam bhavathu

Sarveeshaam mangalam bhavathu



May there be good health and well-being in everything.

May there be peacefulness in everything.

May there be completeness in everything.

Until next time, may each of you find peace, harmony, and boundless happiness.
May there be happiness, joy and blissfulness in everything.

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