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Captain’s Log

Guaranteed to run on versions of Python 3

For NaNoGenMo 2016.

Captain’s Log generates an arbitrary number of words of luckless captains and their endeavours in the style of Emily Short’s superlative Annals of the Parrigues.

To generate output you can type python captains_log.py in the command line and you will be prompted to provide a wordcount. Captain’s Log then does the following:

  1. Picks a random captain and ship from curated lists.
  2. Picks a random starting location from a collection of geo-tagged East India Company ports.
  3. Searches through all the other locations for the nearest one and calculate the cardinal direction.
  4. Sets sail!
    • occasionally encountering hostile OurShips
    • usually arriving at the specified destination
    • always ending with tragedy
  5. Rinses, repeats.
  6. Outputs it all to an HTML file.

You can see the latest output here, but I don’t recommend you read through it in its entirety. Instead, I’ve picked out some key pieces below:

January, 1767 My name is Jacob Collaart, captain of the pinnace “San Nicolás”. We set sail from Bangka Island, heading northwest to Sulu. This is my log.

January, 1770 Able seaman Jones did his best, but his impersonation of a particularly attractive albatross did not succeed in luring a meal out of the skies.

February, 1768 We set sail from Tapian Nauli, heading north to Thanlyin. We arrived at Thanlyin after 2 days’ sailing. The people here are purposeful and thorough, recognised for their curious pickles.

April, 1770 We set sail from Tamsui, heading east to Keelung. We arrived at Keelung after 1 days’ sailing. The people here are tardy and heedless, famed for their imbecilic librarians.

December, 1768 I’m deeply concerned about the crew, some of them are coming to the end of multi-year hangovers in the beating midday sun and remembering they’re still on my ship. I worry they might unionise… We came across a threatening galleon with dozens of cannon, flying a Portuguese flag, seeming to fly towards us. We passed across their line and commenced a very severe action, with the result that the entire mizzen mast, the aft most of the ship’s three masts, is shot away along with all the standing & running rigging sails etc. Look at what I have done…

March, 1767 We set sail from Dhaka, heading southwest to Simon’s Bay. Thus ends the tale of the “San Nicolás” and her captain, Jacob Collaart – lost to either cannibalism or sobriety, pray we never discover which…

I am grateful to firesign24-7 for the use of her Aged paper texture.

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